First of all, for those of you that celebrate it, Merry Xmas…
Now that we have that out of the way… We are back from our whirlwind tour of NC. Overall, the dread that I felt quickly subsided, because I maintained control over the situation and stuck to my guns (we stayed in our hotel, not at my parents), which made everything much better. Also, it was really odd that the usual routine of guilt, criticism, and constant questioning and ignoring was pretty much out the window. Perhaps having a grandson is causing some changes in the family dynamic; for the better.
Either way, here is a bulleted list of my trip:
— Grandma made a video of her head on top of dancing bodies. It is hilarious. I have a copy on DVD. YES!
— My nephew Jackson is a HUGE baby. BUT, he is also completely adorable and insanely cute. He is also terrified of the TMX Elmo.
— I still don’t like pugs. My mom’s black pug Molly went after Sydney, and scared Sydney really bad. I haven’t heard him yelp constantly like that since the cat incident.
— Driving for 7 hours one way is not something I will consider doing again any time soon. I think that I may have to put my foot down and have people meet me in the middle or come to see me for a change. It is time, dammit.
— I really love my parents new house. It is HUGE. Too bad we couldn’t live there when I was young!
— I think that my father has found the son he always wanted in my sister’s husband. They get along so well, and talk to each other like father and son. That was interesting to watch. It doesn’t make me feel bad, but it was just interesting to see. At least it is good to know that he is actually capable of having those bonds with someone.
— My parents have like new everything… new TV, new car, new computer. I tried to hook up mom’s wireless internet with no luck; hopefully, she will call in and get that working herself.
— Also, I found out she reads my blog. Interesting. James and I talked about that, and thought perhaps this would be a starting point to discuss the feelings I have, and perhaps get them validated at some point. I think we are a ways off from that, but we will see. By saying what I feel in this format, I am getting it out there, and that is a good thing, but I can’t be expected to make all of the moves… there has to be a reciprocal discussion here.
— It was weird being around my family and not having the usual criticism and guilt thrown at me. Yes, the guilt was still there, but it was toned down considerably. Also, the criticisms where still there, but not at all like before. No one really had anything negative to say about my tattoos, which surprised me. That was really good. It is hard to be around people that only look at your flaws and then use them to hurt you. Perhaps they are learning how to stop doing that? Only time will tell.
— That’s really about it. I did hang out with a few friends the first night we got there (which was great), but other than that, all we did was family time. Lots of hanging out with Grandma and the rents. I also got to hang out with my nephew a lot, who is so adorable it was hard to put him down. My sister said that the reason she hasn’t sent us anything regarding Jackson, was because we hadn’t asked for it, and so she thought we weren’t interested. I nipped that guilt trip in the bud, and told her to send me all kinds of photos, no more guilt as an excuse to exclude me.
Overall, those were some highlights from the trip. I am glad to be at home and back in my own comfort zone, and I am sure it will be a long time before I go up there again. Either way, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but that was because things were different this time. People have changed. I hope that those changes stick, and I hope they continue to move in a good direction; perhaps things can be salvaged after all. Only thing, is that it is going to take some reciprocation… now if we could only jump start that part of the deal. Oh well… one step at a time.
Merry Xmas ya’ll.
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