my first “talk” about sex

After yesterday’s post and “celebration”, reading those homophobic comments, and then reading other people’s coming out day posts and stories, I started to remember how I got to where I am today. This, inevitably made me think back to my childhood, and the talks and experiences I had with my family regarding that ever feared topic of conversation: Sex.

Many people have some point where their parents asked them if they were gay, because, let’s face it, most of our parents know. If mine didn’t know, they should be checked into a facility for the deaf, dumb, and blind (if you have ever met me, you would agree… I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but seriously). But nope, not mine, never asked me a thing. And unlike many kids that happened to get “the talk” from their parents, or some nudge in any direction about sex, there too, I got nothing. Nothing like, “DON’T HAVE SEX, or your penis will fall off, and you will die“, or “just make sure you don’t get her pregnant”. Nope, none of that stuff was ever mentioned.

In fact, my parents pretty much pretended that sex was non-existent. So, where did you get your guidance on when, where, how, and with whom to have sex, you ask? From my Grandma. That’s right. When I was around 14 (keep in mind that this was after having the customary sex-ed twice in school). And this was how that conversation went:

“Duane, can you come in here for a second, I want to talk with you about something.”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it is. I want to talk with you about sex.”
(this is where I literally turned as white as a sheet, and lost all feeling in my feet and hands.)
“Ummm… okay.”
“Duane, do you know anything about sex?”
(here is where I sat silently. wishing I could just pass out already, staring at the floor. don’t look up, whatever you do!)
“Duane, if she is not 18, then it is rape.”
(and that was when my Grandma walked out of the room.)

So that was it. That was the full extent of my sexual discussions with my family. And I bet, to this day, they all think that James and I just tickle each other and laugh as we high five after not having sex. Oh well, at least I learned a valuable lesson that day, right? And people wonder why kids grow up not truly understanding that sex is natural and okay, as long as it is enjoyed safely. Jeez.