Earlier today, I was coming out of the building next to the one that I work, in order to go back over to my office, when I encountered a situation that is normally dictated by etiquette. However, in this case, etiquette was stretched so far, that it broke, which, for whatever reason, tends to be quite common where I work. As such, I was treated like an asshole, when in reality, I did nothing wrong. Someone thought etiquette meant requirement, and voiced her opinion as a result; even though she is sadly mistaken.
Now, let me preface what I am getting ready to say with this: I always hold the door for people when they are close enough to reasonably come in; always. I hold elevators too. I’m a nice guy like that; even though I rarely have the favor of that etiquette being returned to me. It really doesn’t bother me to do it, and as such, I normally do.
Now, back to today’s little incident… When I exited the building, I didn’t hold the door because there was no one around. As such, I just walked out, and even smiled at the girl that I noticed once I was completely outside and about 5 steps away from the door. Instead of smiling back, she said loudly, “Well that’s fine… DON’T hold the door for me.”. Um, excuse me? What the fuck did she just say?!?!
First of all, I thought that basic etiquette implied that I am not required to hold the door, but I that I should, if for no other reason than to be courteous. Second of all, in this particular instance, the woman in question was no where near entering the door when I came out, so for me to have held the door for her, I would have first, had to have seen her (which I couldn’t, because she was far enough away, and to the left of the door, that I couldn’t see her), and second, even if I would have seen her, I would have had to wait for her to walk up to the door, (as I noted, it was about 5 steps outside that I noticed her and nodded appropriately) inconveniencing myself in the name of what I would call severely stretched courtesy… but not requirement.
Again, while I am all for holding the door for people when it is convenient, I think that she was ridiculous in expecting me to hold it for her; and even worse, was a fucking bitch for saying what she did. The weird thing is, that most women that work in my building are like that; which I can say, because there are very few men who will get bitchy if you don’t wait forever to hold the door for them.
I have seen women go so far as to try and quickly jump through a closing door to prevent having to actually touch the physical door, or heaven forbid, hold it open for themselves… all while it shuts on me, who is right behind them. I have also, on MANY occasions, seen women stand in front of a closed door, and give me the look of, “well, aren’t you going to open that for me?”. I also can’t stand when the women that work in my building (who do this WAY more than men, which is why I am picking on the women folks) will stand in front of one of the two doors that you can open, because there is someone coming out of the other, and they are waiting so they won’t have to open the door for themselves. As if these weren’t bad enough, there is even one woman in particular who I happen to see more often than I should, who acts like the doors exceed her physical strength, and as such, I am actually forced to take over the muscling of the door, and open it for her. I just don’t get why these women can’t open a door for themselves, or even hold the door for me; who, has on most occasions, done that very thing for them. Even more, I wonder why I am an asshole when I don’t go out of my way to make every woman-who-works-in-my-building’s life that much more comfortable (even though it inconveniences me); especially when the same common courtesy is RARELY returned to me.
What bugs me about this, is that first of all, this isn’t 1950 anymore, ladies; so you should be able to open a door for yourself, and realize that it is being courteous, and not a requirement, that a man might open it for you. Again, let it be known that I honestly don’t mind holding the door for you, and I will even go out of my way to get the door for anyone most of the time; but when you bitch because I didn’t inconvenience myself to make your entrance into the building an effortless one, please listen up, as I will say this as plainly as I can for you to understand: why not just be a fucking adult and open the fucking door for yourself for a change?. And worse, if you do what that bitch did earlier to day, you should be seriously put in your fucking place, because you are just being an outright bitch, and that goes way beyond any courtesy that you deserved from me in the first place.
If you think that I am being too harsh, realize that I have been entering buildings and opening doors for years for myself, and I am just fine… and you will be too. When I think about these incidents, which usually just result in me rolling my eyes, it makes me want to do what these silly women do. Perhaps I should try standing in front of a closed door, and looking at the person who is walking up behind me in hopes that they will open it for me; or maybe I should jump rapidly through a closing door, only to have it hit me as I barely make it in, all the while it slams in the face of the person behind me; or maybe do my favorite, and act as if the weight of the doors is so massive, that my tiny, frail, child-like arms cannot handle the force required to muscle them open… Maybe, just maybe, that would make me feel a little better about how stupid people act under the guise of the unwritten “rules” of “etiquette” (which, for whatever reason, they believe that I, but not they, are required to follow).
I am pretty sure, though, that it wouldn’t work for me… unlike the women that get by with this shit day in and day out, because I am sure that I would get nasty looks and hateful comments because I am a man, and as such, I am “required” to hold/open/wait for every woman that may want to enter the building. What-the-fuck-ever.
The weird thing, is that my friend Deb, who is just as tall as I am, gets the same thing. Maybe it’s a height thing and not a sex thing? She is obviously a woman, and women do it to her too. Who knows… all I know is that it is time for the sisters to start REALLY doing it for themselves… and realize that I don’t HAVE to get the door for you, I am doing it to be nice. If I don’t do it because I don’t see you, or don’t wait for you because you are far away, be an adult and open the damn door yourself; and save the bitchy comments, okay?
/rant
Have you not seen this video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_td1X_c5Gg
excellent!
I don’t have a problem with people thinking I’m rude for not holding the door. No one opened it for me.. you and open it your damn self too. They can complain about it all they want. Their complaints don’t affect me. What I DO have a problem with is women who think I’m going to hold the door open while they walk in first. Or.. women who think they have the right to walk into the elevator first even though I was a) there first and b) closer. Those bitches get pushed out of the way. If I’m feeling particularly nice, I will let someone go first. But don’t ASSUME I’m going to let you by.
The women entitlement etiquette comes from men letting them pass or holding doors b/c they want to court the woman. Well I’m gay. And an attractive man has a much higher chance of getting a door held for him than a woman. But to be fair, his chances aren’t so high either.
LOVED this post - I even read the entire thing!
I have had so many similar experiences that I’ve given up on holding doors and elevators. Have you also noticed that you have to allow women to enter and exist elevators first? If you do not, you’re likely to run into them as they try to get by you.
I figure that this behavior started by guys trying to woo gals. Since I’m not trying to woo any women, I don’t find it necessary to hold doors open for them.
The UPS man, however, is another story entirely.
Just what the world needs, less etiquette. Not everyone who opens doors for women are trying to sleep with them. That goes for your acolytes, too.
And what about having to help these old bitches crossing the street, just because they’re old and female. No one ever helps me cross a street. Gah!
I open doors for men and women if they are within a couple of steps of me. What I really hate is when they don’t even acknowledge my existence. Depending on my mood I’ll either ignore it or mutter something under my breath but I’ve never said anything out loud to the offender.
What I hate too is when someone holds a door open for you and you are about 30 feet away and you feel obliged to run so you don’t inconvenience them. That defeats the whole purpose of etiquette.
Well, I try and hold the door open for men (and women, but since you’ve already covered that one) and that ALWAYS gets awkward…we end up in a door-opening stand-off. I shoo them through, but often they insist on me going through first, sometimes resulting in a head-on collision. It’s hardly a threat to masculinity to have a woman hold the door open for you, geez. Maybe if men didn’t always insist on opening doors for you, and insist on you going through them first (for what? so they can check out your ass or something…which I find highly disturbing) then women wouldn’t come to expect it of them.
atlmalcontent, I can say one thing about you; at least you consistently miss the point! LOL, thanks for the laugh.
Good point Deb. I was afraid this would continue as a girls-are-stupid post.
Back to the point, girls are stupid.
dave, it was never meant to be a girls are stupid. They aren’t. Some of the ones I work with obviously are, though.
Or could it be a flaw of the Southern woman? “Men must hold the door for me AT ALL TIMES.” I would like to think that us Yankee girls would have realized that you had already gone too far to hold the door open. Besides, she could have sped up a bit if she saw you coming out.