Tag: thank-you!

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thanks and thoughts

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I wanted to say thanks to everyone that sent well wishes and stuff the other day; I was just in a weird spot, and I honestly was thinking too much for my own good. I have this incredible ability to let something minuscule turn into a huge festering thing in my mind, all because I focus too much on it. I am working on that, but it is part of what I learned in how to deal with people when I was growing up. Some of that stuff never goes away, and you just have to deal with it; perhaps that is why I find that I do get let down when I expect too much from people. My parents were good at letting me down, and yet, I naively always believed that the next time, they wouldn’t; which unfortunately, almost always ended in disappointment. I am working on getting out of that, but for now, I can only go at this pace. Thanks for listening, understanding, and being here.

Sydney is doing better, although he is very lethargic and doesn’t want to move around much. I am hoping that by the end of the weekend, he is back to his normal, energetic self. I don’t like seeing him in any pain, because he really is my “baby”, and I love him so much. I am just glad that his tests came back normal, and it appears to just be a case of upset tummy. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts about him, as well.

Other than that, there isn’t really much going on in the way of “stuff” right now. I am still in a little bit of a weird place, as it was pointed out to me that I was being a little snippy at lunch with James. I was constantly on his case about his driving, because, well, he is a very easily distracted person anyway, and I really didn’t want anything to happen to him or his car. I guess sometimes, good intentions come out bitchy. Oh well… perhaps it is the rain today? Who knows… I just know I am glad that it is Friday.

Finally, a few links with some scattered thoughts:
— Surprise! A negative review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” from a gay website. While I don’t really care one way or another about the movie getting good or bad reviews, it always makes me wonder about people who watch movies and criticize them, when it is clear to everyone else that the movie is going to contain the very elements that the critic negatively goes on and on about. Obviously, this movie is going to use borderline or outright negative gay stereotypes and bad humor to poke fun at what most American men see to be an uncomfortable situation; a simulated homosexual relationship between two straight men. While it may be distasteful and possibly a negative reinforcement (but probably not, since GLAAD gave it a thumbs up), if you don’t want to hear the negative gay jokes, don’t go see this movie; problem solved. I do have to say though, that I think Kevin James is absolutely adorable, and I don’t think that his part in this dumb movie will change any of that feeling from me.
— Cheney will be in charge while Bush goes under for a routine colonoscopy. I would really have loved it if the news outlets had gotten creative, and came up with creatively disgusting titles to supplement this story. However, I for one don’t know how they are actually going to get in there, with that big stick shoved up his ass, and all.
— I saw this clip of Tammy Faye when she was recently on the Larry King show, and it honestly just breaks my heart to see someone so sweet and genuinely wonderful suffering like that. Hell, I don’t like seeing anyone suffer, but Tammy Faye is good, and she totally has had our backs for a long time, showing the world what a true Christian should be like. Additionally, her son has turned out to be accepting and loving as well; not to mention, kind of hot. I love you Tammy Faye, and I hope that you are not suffering, and that your final days are peaceful and happy. You have been there for the gays, and we definitely thank you for your love, kindness, and support. If only there were more like you, Tammy Faye.

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and I am going to do my best to relax, finish the paintings I am working on, and spend time with my family (James, little Sydney, and some friends if they are interesting in hanging out). Now, I’m off to get some damn wine… I have been Cabernet-ing it up this week; I see no reason to slow up now!

all about me, mixed media, near and dear, show the love, that is so gay

to my WONDERFUL fans…

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Well, to my one-derful, kind-of-internet-stalker, fan. I wanted to write this post as a symbol of my gratitude, and as a way to bestow a huge THANKS(!1!!!11!!) for his continued love and attention! I am so flattered that I don’t even know where to begin…

Perhaps it could best be described by a monologue, from a scene in the 1981 movie, based on the best-selling memoir of Christina Crawford, titled Mommie Dearest. The scene I speak of, is the one where Joan, after staying home from the awards show, comes out to greet the press and her fans who are waiting outside of her house, to accept the Academy Award for Best Actress she has just won for Mildred Peirce:

I would rather be here with you than anywhere else in the world!
You, all of you here, and everywhere, gave me this award tonight.
And I accept it from you, and only you.
I love all of you!

This is such a wonderful sentiment, that I am clearly speechless, and extremely touched! Now, while, I know that in my case, the award I am receiving isn’t an Academy Award, I do know, that it is as equally flattering and wonderful: my award is constant idolatry and attention, from the one and only atlmalcontent.

I am truly happy to know that even though there are people who are insecure and unhappy with themselves, by distracting themselves in worshiping the rest of us, who are trying our best just to be happy and live our lives, they start to feel a little better inside. I am honestly flattered by the whole thing, to be honest, even though in this case, it has proven to be sort of a love/hate crush (he says he hates me, but his constant attention and obsession proves that he really loves me), that has definitely had its ups and downs in the past. But, from now, and through the future, things will be different. Please don’t mistake this post as sarcasm, ladies and gents, this sort of love doesn’t come around everyday (or does it?), and I for one, am extremely flattered that I could stay so constant in someones mind, that they would literally think of me so much and so often, that I am literally always on the tip of their tongue. I am honestly a bit ashamed that I never acknowledged it on this grand of a scale before now. I don’t want to let my fans think that I don’t appreciate their love; especially not this fan in particular.

Now, I know that I am, according to him, an “easy target”, and you know, I guess he is right. I believe that label really applies to anyone that just lives their lives, trying their best to be happy with what they have been given. It is true; we will always be easy targets to those whose lives are driven by the quest to focus solely on finding what they deem “wrong”, “beneath them”, and somehow “messed up” in the world. Sadly, this continual quest on which they travel, is merely a distraction from what they are ashamed of within themselves, and echoes the true grip their insecurities have on their lives. It is important for this type of person to continually belittle those of us that they deem “easy targets”, because it distracts them, even if it is only for a moment, from the daily misery that they suffer from.

What I feel that I have neglected to truly acknowledge in the past, is how important we easy targets are to these types of people, and how grateful I am, that I can provide some joy and comfort to at least one of them. I, for one, am glad that I can be that light in someones life, that they can turn to, make fun of, and somehow feel better for a moment. I am honestly honored and elated that, by trying to belittle me, poke fun of my opinions and silliness, and through constant and desperate attempts to try and tear me down, that someone can truly make themselves feel better. If I gain nothing other than that feeling of warmth and joy in my heart that comes from knowing that these attempts to portray me as less than themselves, are somehow making them feel better about their own internal misery; I have honestly gained all that I could ever ever hope for: I have gained the ability to make someones life a little bit happier, just by being myself. There are very few that can truly know that they have made a difference in someone else’s life, and even if I am only passively making someones world a brighter place, then I am extremely proud to be a part of the journey (even if the attempts to tear me down are sadly misrepresentative of who I really am).

One might think, that if I were truly “whiny, self-absorbed, ill-informed, materialistic[,] and uncultured” (as atlmalcontent, says that I am), the very person that believed these things to be true about me, wouldn’t bother with paying so much attention to me. But, it has become clear to me, now more than ever, that it is his belief that I am what he says that I am, and that this is the reason he continues to fixate on me. I think that by trying to characterize me as these things, he somehow feels better about who he is, or perhaps more importantly(?), who he is not. By convincing himself that I am what he says, and that I am somehow beneath him, he becomes (even if falsely) elevated to a place where he can feel better about himself. Knowing that this is why he tries to tear me down with constant misrepresentations, allows me gain a new perspective, and to truly appreciate, these attempts to bring some joy into his life. I am honored that I can be the one to provide that joy for him, and, even it is if only briefly, relieve him from some of his internal misery and crippling insecurity.

I am glad to know that anything and everything that I can say or do, as well as the simple fact that I am who I am, causes one to become fixated on the need to bring me (and others like me) down; even if it is only an effort to make themselves feel better. I am honestly honored and deeply touched, that I could continually bring this sort of positive energy into one’s life.

And it is this knowledge, that compels me to say thank you, atlmalcontent, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for giving me such a meaningful purpose, by bringing true moments of happiness to those like you.

I am literally grinning from ear to ear this morning from all of the love that you, atlmalcontent, continually bestow upon me. I am truly flattered, and that is why I wanted to write this little thank you post to you, my one-derful, devoted fan. Thank you again, buddy! I hope that you have an amazing day, a truly glorious weekend, and an amazing year; because you deserve it. I really mean that, I want you to be happy. I know what it is like to be plagued with insecurity and self hate, and if I can make you feel better about your own, just knowing that makes me feel good. I promise that I will do my best to bring you more “stupid” writing, and more “hilariously uncultured” quips for you to flock to, in your attempts to bring me down for your own distraction and well being. We all want to be happy, and if I can be a part of making you feel better about yourself, I am deeply honored, and want to do everything I can in making the world a better place for those like you. Luckily, all that is required of me, is my presence. Here’s to joy!