Tag: suicide

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another, this time local, victim of hate

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This completely breaks my heart: 11 year old boy named Jaheem Herrera, commits suicide to escape bullying and taunting from fellow classmates (h/t to my friend Joey who posted the link earlier this afternoon).

I don’t know if anyone even read the piece that I wrote last week about this EXACT thing happening to another 11 year old boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, but I will not let this go silently either.

This is sickening. This is outrageous. This is infuriating. This specifically made my already upset stomach turn: Jaheem’s mother, concerned, had talked to Jaheem’s best friend the prior week, who said,

Yes ma’am. He told me that he’s tired of everybody always messing with him in school. He is tired of telling the teachers and the staff, and they never do anything about the problems. So, the only way out is by killing himself.

I’ll say it again; DO SOMETHING if you see this happening. You CAN stop your children from being bigots. EVERYONE must stop the “playful” use of faggot and gay as derogatory terms; it isn’t a joke. ANOTHER 11 year old child is dead because people take this issue so flippantly. Taunting and teasing is not just “kids being kids”, and EVERY time this happens, it adds to the problem.

Our society of “subversive” hate and the fervent anti-homosexuality campaign in this country must stop. This should be a country were an 11 year old child can go to school without fear of being taunted, teased, and bullied to the point that the only way he feels he can escape is to kill himself. It just isn’t right, and I can’t believe that less than a week after writing about a horrible case of this happening, it shows up again, practically at my doorstep.

My heart goes out to Jaheem’s family. Jaheem, I am so sorry for what they put you through, and I am even more sorry that no one with the power to stop them stood up for you. They should be thoroughly ashamed.

Clearly, there is a major problem with anti-gay sentiment and outright hatred for gays in this country. I have to wonder how many children we need to lose before we start doing something about it? Sadly, many have gone before Carl and Jaheem, and many more will go before the judgment and hatred subside. What’s the WORST, is that it doesn’t even matter if these two boys were gay or not; their peers used the hatred and disgust behind words like ‘faggot’ to hurt them so badly, that they couldn’t take it anymore. It disgusts me that people continue to let this happen around them.

A final thought: I will never understand how the very people that stand there, pointing their fingers in our faces, saying that they are morally superior, pass the judgment that causes things like this to happen. Shame on you all. Your “feelings” about homosexuality are far more dangerous than homosexuality itself could ever be.

civil rights, near and dear, that is so gay

a concrete example of how the anti-gay movement in this country is so dangerous

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“Hey Faggot”.
“You are such a little pussy”.
“Look, he’s not even a boy, he’s definitely a sissy little girl”.
“You’re gay”.

These are all phrases that I despise hearing, but I heard them, and several other colorful variations, MANY times all throughout my 12 years of public school. There were many times I would come home and just be so upset that I couldn’t even speak to anyone, because of the taunts that I received pretty much every day from other students. I dared not tell my parents, because of how embarrassed I felt that I was continually labeled in this way; I honestly didn’t want this seemingly horrible thing to be true about me. As I look back, I honestly don’t know how I made it, but I did. However, I did not escape completely unscathed. The damage was done, and I didn’t come out until I was 22; all because I feared being the very thing that I was accused of, and was convinced was so bad when I was younger because of the taunting and teasing that I received. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, because despite it all, I did make it, and it has, in part, made me who I am today.

My point in writing this is not to preach or even elicit sympathy; as I said, I am a grown man who made it through that hell and I am stronger for it. However, there are thousands of kids out there that are going through this same torture right now, and unfortunately, a bunch of them won’t make it. The torture of being taunted and teased by your peers day in and day out is enough for many gay (as well as kids that aren’t even gay, but are just different, and therefore labeled as such) kids to desire so strongly to escape that hell that they take their own lives.

Recently, this very thing tragically happened to Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover. He was taunted and teased, and in order to escape it, he only saw suicide as his way out. Suicide rates amongst gay youth is staggeringly high, and I honestly believe that if our society wasn’t so dismissive of the hateful way in which we are treated, it could be significantly lowered. Carl didn’t have to die in vain; we can change. We can teach our children that hate and bullying is extremely harmful, and that by doing so, you are emotionally scarring someone. Teachers and administrators can also take a huge role in this change by suppressing this behavior as it is seen and reported; unfortunately in this case, Carl’s mother complained to the school and no action was taken.

I am extremely saddened, and I feel horrible for Carl’s entire family. This young boy should not have had to endure the torture that he did, and no other child should have to endure it either. If you or someone you know is close-minded about homosexuality, and perpetuates any level of the hatred and bigotry that this form of torture stems from, tell them about Carl, and how he was an innocent 11 year old boy who was taken from this world far too soon. Tell them that the very hate that they feel inside themselves for homosexuals, or homosexuality, is what drove Carl to take his own life. The time for this mindset is over, and it has got to change.

Perhaps if we all stopped being so hateful with one another, and stopped pointing fingers and judging those around us, less kids will feel like they have to end it all to escape the torture. I for one, hope that with gay rights laws passing in many states recently, and the potential for it to continue to gain momentum ensues, that we will hopefully grow as a society, and stories like this can be a thing of the past. Carl deserves that, and nothing less. We all do. I’m so sorry Carl.

is it just me?, music musings, near and dear, that is so gay, tragic, venting, well?

do you know who really IS suicidal, Mr Kingston?

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I am sure that you may have heard that insufferable song, Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston by now. It has rocketed to the top of the Billboard charts, and I keep hearing it creep up on the radio. What I don’t like about this song (other than the annoying way it gets stuck in your head), is that it, at best, makes light on something as serious as suicide.

I just wish that people that write songs like this, and create such things that have massive “appeal”, would consider the issue that they choose to make light of. In this case, teenage suicide is considered to be the number 2 or 3 (depending on which study you look at) killer of teenagers in the US. To me, that says that it is a serious issue that one shouldn’t make light of in a frivolous song about “beautiful girls”, and how they leave one suicidal because they don’t return affection.

I would hope that people like Sean Kingston, being a teenager himself, would realize that gay and lesbian youth are extremely disproportionately affected by suicide. Additionally, in my opinion, by making light of something as serious as depression and suicide, by relating it to being simply turned down or broken up with, is ignorant and shameful. People suffer from real issues that lead them to take their own lives, and with regards to gay youth, it comes down to a lot more than a rejection from a “beautiful girl”. I personally don’t appreciate what this song portrays, regardless of the lack of intention, because frankly, people should know better.

Yet another example of how our society lacks the ability, or even the compassion, to identify with the severity of mental health, and the repercussions of repression and hate. Yes, it is just a stupid song, but I am sure that I am not the only one that is somewhat taken aback by the manner in which Kingston throws around something as serious as suicide, like it were no big deal. Perhaps he should think about the many youth out there that not only consider it, but succumb to this each year; maybe the “beautiful girls” wouldn’t be so much of a let down for him.

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hopeful of change for Iraq, and some other interesting things

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So, the surge, you know, the one that I said wouldn’t work (because the many before it didn’t either), apparently isn’t working. Oops… I mean, we should have known better right? Wait… WE DID! Well, you would think at this point we would have gained a better perspective on things, especially regarding foreign policingpolicy, but alas, we aren’t making the changes we need to. But if you want to continue to believe that we are not causing any problems, and that genocide of Iraq and Iran is the answer, please, bury your head back in the sand, and let those of us that know the truth, strategize in peace.

However this goes, I have ultimate hope that this is true (that picture makes me want to vomit): apparently, given the dissension of his cronies, Bush might actually give in and compromise on a pull out strategy for Iraq. It is becoming clearer and clearer each and every day that we are doing way more harm than good by being in Iraq, and it is good to see more people coming over the that truth; even if it has taken this long. (Apparently, even though they aren’t doing what they need to do to get better, the Iraqis don’t agree that a pull out is good… hmmm, aren’t they already in a full blown civil war? Yeah, so stop using the “threat” of that as an excuse.).

This whole issue is like beating a dead horse, and we really just need to go ahead and bury the corpse already; it has gone beyond stinking. Stop the war, stop the killing, and stop trying to steal oil from another country. Let’s focus on us… that would be a good place to start.

Also, I don’t know how I feel about this, other than to say it pisses me off that people can generalize things so ridiculously. So let’s see, since SOME people get prescribed anti-depressants who are not depressed, it must mean that everyone is just seeking a “freebie” or an “easy out”? Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. I know for my depression, I was in therapy a good 3 months before I ever even brought up the word medication, and I didn’t want to go on it, because I was not sure I needed it. I sought help for my depression, and as a result, have gotten a lot better. If I would have kept going down the road I was on, who knows what would have happened. I have said it before, and I will say it again, this sort of turning a blind eye on the need for mental health (as one sane doctor in the article calls for more of) is dangerous and just plain wrong. I hope that people continue to seek help if they need it; because even with the drugs, it isn’t an “easy fix”. Getting over depression is a daily struggle, and those drugs don’t take care of that for you. Shame on the people that are lumping and splitting all people on these medications in that way.

I also found this an interesting read. It seems pretty compelling that there is enough of a case to believe that perhaps Kurt Cobain didn’t kill himself. That really gets me thinking, especially because I remember when it was reported that he died. It really hit a lot of people hard, and it did seem a little out of place. Hmm… perhaps something will come of this? Either way, it was interesting to read, so I thought I would share.

That’s enough for today, I guess. Stay cool… it’s hot as fuck out there.

hmm interesting, near and dear, show the love, that is so gay

a strange way to try and commit suicide

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It isn’t a secret that getting a positive diagnosis from an HIV test is jarring, and can potentially cause suicidal thoughts, but very few follow through on their actions, and actually commit suicide. Strangely enough, that is not the case for two men that found out they were positive in midtown Atlanta. In fact, that is only where the strange begins.

Apparently, the two men found out they were positive, and having that news coupled with some issues with their business, they decided it would be best to commit suicide. But they decided they would do it by cutting off their arms. Now, I am not making fun of this case in the slightest, in fact, my heart goes out to these two men and anyone who would be so down that they would want to take their own life. But I can’t believe that this was the option to end their lives that they thought of. This must have been excruciatingly painful, not to mention, downright strange. I can’t imagine inflicting this level of pain on yourself in order to get away from the pain of your life. And, it appears that they were saved before they were able to bleed to death; so now, they have to live without arms.

I really can’t believe that this late in the epidemic this response was the one these men chose. I would have hoped they would have sought the counseling they need, and I hope that everyone that finds themselves contemplating suicide seeks out help as well. While this is a strange and unusual case, it is definitely horrible that these men decided to inflict this pain on themselves. I hope that they are at least getting the help they need now.

Also, I found out today that a friend of mine recently tested positive for HIV. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t talked to him in a while, and honestly, I am pretty surprised. One of the things I am most surprised about, is that I heard that he felt it was “inevitable”. That really hurts me, and makes me feel extremely sad; because gay men should not have this view of infection. We can prevent it. We just have to work at it, and not give up. I hope that my friend is okay. I hope that he and I can talk about it soon.

Kind of weird stuff for a Sunday, but there it is, kids. Hope your weekend is going well.

is it just me?, listen up!, near and dear, that is so gay, venting

does it matter if it is fake, given that it happens all of the time?

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Dave emailed me about this blog post earlier. I read it, and like the writer of the post, I felt sick. In fact, still do. I feel horrible that another person would suffer the fate of suicide, because of the lack of care and real love from their family. I feel awful that someone would take their life because they felt so alone and so misunderstood, that they became depressed to the point of suicide. And probably even worse, is that I feel angry that people like this boy’s mother continually do this same sort of thing over and over, causing more and more kids to go through similar scenarios; many of which end with the same conclusion.

The blog post I am talking about, is referring to a forum-posted story where a Christian Fundamentalist mother finds out her son is gay, he comes out to her, and she suggests therapy; only her response is to tell him the therapist is wrong for saying being gay is normal, and that he should instead not act on his feelings. The mother proceeds to turn her back on understanding her son, and ceases to be there for him emotionally; actions which stem from her fundamentalist beliefs. Unfortunately, the result, is that her son commits suicide, leaving her wondering why he resorted to such a drastic response to her lack of understanding.

Now, while I feel the same things that probabilityzero felt, hurt, anger, disbelief, disgust; I couldn’t help but notice something eerily consistent in the comments both on his website, and on digg (where it no doubt made its way due to how interesting it was, I assume): many of the people commenting are way too focused on whether or not the story is actually true. People are going so far as to chastise the writer of the post for his feelings about this occurrence on the grounds that the story might not be true. I have a huge problem with that, mainly because even if this story isn’t true, this sort of thing happens all of the time!! It is known that the suicide and attempted suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens is higher than any other group of adolescents, and in many instances, these actions are due to religious persecution and self hatred stemming from families that refuse to understand their children.

While it angered me to see people chastising the boy for being gay, seeing people agree with the actions of the mother, and even seeing people say that the mother was in no way to blame for the death of her son, it bothers me more that people would focus on this not being an issue, simply because the instance may or may not be a real life instance. This type of thing is exactly what I encountered when I wrote that post about Donnie Davies from yesterday; while he may or may not be real, people like him exist and do the same things that he is doing, for real. While this woman may or may not have posted a true story about her religion getting in the way of her love for her son, and the subsequent consequences of her actions, there are parents that are making the same decisions and doing the same hurtful things to children all over the world, for real.

This issue of religious fundamentalism and the judgement that stems from it is something that makes me so angry, but at the same time, incredibly sad. I was lucky enough to escape most of the religious persecution many gay youth encounter, only to impose it upon myself when I was going through the process of coming to terms with my own sexuality. I thought of suicide many times, and luckily, I never attempted it; but there are many that are not so lucky. I remember what it felt like to be so utterly alone and afraid that my being homosexual was a sin, so much that it was an actual physical pain in my body. I hated myself for who I was, and it cost me a lot of self respect, happiness, and time; but luckily, it didn’t cost me my life. No one should have to go through this alone, and this boy unfortunately did; because his mother turned her back on him when she denied who he was. Her actions forced his depression to grow, and he wasn’t able to overcome it. Whether or not this boy is real, there are many other boys and girls out there that are just like him, feeling those feelings, and experiencing that same depression.

If I had my way, there are a few things that would happen, relating to this true or untrue story. One, I continually hope that religious fundamentalists would actually practice what they preach (i.e., love is supposed to be absolute, not a pick and choose issue-based thing) and stop using religion to discriminate anyone because of who they are, or who they believe themselves to be. Two, I wish that people could stop focusing on whether or not one instance of something like this is real or not, especially when this is just an example of a very real problem occurring right now all over the world. And three, I hope that all kids out there struggling with their sexuality that face this sort of persecution and ignorance will have the strength to make it through their depression and live their lives happily. One of the worst things that ever happened to me was living in the closet, and I am grateful that somehow I was able to make it out; I wish the same for everyone else that struggles with this issue.