Category: near and dear

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“family” woe and health concerns

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Yesterday I got a call that NO ONE wants to get: my Grandma is in the hospital. I had spoken to her earlier in the week, and knew that she was having some adverse reactions to a new blood pressure medication, but I didn’t realize it was bad enough for her to need emergency transport and a hospital stay. I just talked with her, and she is feeling really good (other than having to deal with freezing hospital temperatures, and long wait times), and apparently, all of her tests are coming back normal. Whew. That makes me feel good to know that she is doing well, and it is probably that medication, as we were talking about the other day. Now, she can get a new medication (and a new doctor, IMHO), and hopefully, get back to feeling right as rain soon.

UPDATE: I just got the news that she is about to go home. YAY! I just hope that she is feeling good ASAP.

As I desperately tried to get in touch with someone who would have information after my cousin called me with that news last night (who totally came through for me, and has always been there amazingly… thanks cuz!), I was troubled that I hadn’t heard anything, and couldn’t get any information from the hospital as to her condition. After several phone calls, I finally got to talk with my Grandma around 9:30, only to find out that she was at the hospital by herself.

As of this moment, I haven’t heard a single word from either of my parents. What the fuck? As those of you that have read this blog may know, I clearly have family woes when it comes to my parents, but this just reinforces something frighteningly clear to me: the distance between us is not only geographical, and it doesn’t only apply to me. I was so angry when I talked with my Grandma, and found out that my sister’s husband was one of the people that came in the ambulance that brought my Grandma to the hospital. I was angry, because that means that not only do my parents have to know that she is in the hospital, that they neither saw it important enough to check in on her, nor alert me to her being there in the first place… and they wonder why I am “so distant”.

Care or don’t care, that is up to you, but it is glaringly clear to me what is truly important in the minds of some of my family members, and it truly makes me sad. I also wish that whole “why don’t you ever visit” mind game would stop; you KNOW why. I wish things could be different, but apparently, they are not going to get any better, and I have to deal with that. I have to deal with it, because they aren’t going to. I just hope my Grandma knows that I care, and that I am here for her; she is one of the only people that has consistently been there for me in return, and in my “family”, that is a very, very rare thing.

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the 31 best of 2007 – 1: Sara Bareilles – Little Voice

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Drum roll please… we have made it to the top of my list of the 31 best CDs of 2007!! I am sure that my number one pick will not come as a surprise to those that know me, and to even those that follow this blog regularly, because I have been screaming like a school girl with excitement about Sara Bareilles ever since I heard her back in 2005 at a Marc Broussard concert. From the first time I saw her in concert, I was mesmerized by her powerful voice, and her amazing ability as both a song writer, as well as a singer. Sara is the real deal, she is an amazing artist who is filled to the brim with talent, and it is refreshing and exciting to see her finally getting her chance to shine.

Little Voiceis one of the most well crafted albums that I own, let alone discovered in 2007. From the first time I listened to this record, I was hooked by the new catchy songs like Love Song and Bottle It Up, which both serve as frustrated anthems from an artist struggling to get the music industry to just let her perform the way in which she does best. I was welcomed by fresh retakes on songs from her “demo” record, Careful Confessions, which I have been clinging to and playing on repeat, since the night I scored it for $5 at the concert I first saw her. What’s so fantastic about each and every one of those re-takes on her already amazing songs, was that she managed to make them better; which is something that I didn’t think was possible, because of how much I liked the “demo” versions. What’s even more amazing, is that songs like Vegas, which I had only been familiar with the live demo cut, quickly became one of my favorite songs from Little Voice,because the new production on this, and others, takes it from a “good live version” of a song to a fantastic one.

There really aren’t enough nice things that I can say about Sara Bareilles, and that is mainly because she deserves all of them. She is a performer who puts her heart into each song, and when you see her perform, you can see that she feels what she is singing. As she says in the song Bottle It Up, she is in this for love; the love of making amazing music. Fortunately, Sara was able to craft an album, despite pressures and set backs from the record company, that is destined to receive the true attention that it deserves. There are very, very few artists that I have discovered, and instantly, I was mesmerized by the sheer amount of talent they possess. If every singer could be as talented, and make records as great as Little Voice,the radio would be a much more listener friendly medium… but I don’t need the radio to hear Sara; I have the record, and trust me, it doesn’t get far from my player.

Little Voice is one of those albums that are really, really few and far between in my music collection. What I mean, is that with every listen, I truly am enthralled and engaged from beginning to end. I don’t like every song, I LOVE every song. That is something that is so rare for an artist, that when one comes along as amazing Sara, I am captivated. Little Voice is my album of the year, because even after getting it at the end of July, I still have it on HIGH rotation; and it gets better with each listen. There isn’t a bad track anywhere near this record, and with Little Voice,Sara Bareilles has made one of the strongest debuts that I have ever been exposed to. My hope, is that this level of talent in one person will truly be seen by everyone, and not just me, because it is my sincere desire to have many, many more records by the amazing Sara Bareilles in my collection in the years to come.

If you were looking for where it is at, and wanting to find the next biggest thing to happen to music, you need look no further than the amazing debut by Sara Bareilles, Little Voice. Seriously, I know I am gushing here, but it really is as good, and even better than I am getting on… and don’t say that you didn’t know it when she is huge; I have been going on, and will continue to go on, about Sara Bareilles for a while now. Sara has solidified her place as the number one album pick of 2007 for me, and she has also found a place amongst my favorite artists as well. If there was only one record that I could own from all of 2007, this would definitely, without a doubt, be the one that I would want; do yourself a favor, and run out and buy it for your collection now.

Favorites from Little Voice:(all of them, seriously)
Between The Lines
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sarab-betweenthelines.mp3]
One Sweet Love
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sarab-onesweetlove.mp3]
Vegas
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sarab-vegas.mp3]
Gravity
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sarab-gravity.mp3]
Morningside
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sarab-morningside.mp3]
Love Song, Bottle It Up, and Fairytale. (link for you tube goodness!)

Rating:

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the 31 best of 2007 – 2: Feist – The Reminder

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As I said yesterday, it was really hard to rank the number 2 and 3 spots, because both records are so wonderful, that I really love them both about the same; however, Feist’s The Reminderdoes have a sliver of an edge, which makes it number 2 on my list. Feist is one of those “obscure” artists that burst onto the scene this year, with a little (okay, a LOT) help from a small company called Apple, and one of their ads for the rarely sought after iPod. With Feist’s infectious pop hit 1234 blasting on every TV commercial for the mp3 player, and her music gaining more attention because of this exposure, it is no wonder that I took notice. Even after many people had suggested that I might like Feist, I’ll admit that it still took all of those ads for me to finally listen; and I am really glad that I finally did. What I got by paying attention was a brilliant album from a truly talented artist, and a record that I have listened to incessantly ever since I got it.

Melodic, peaceful, sad, romantic, profound; these are all words that come to mind when I listen to this record. The Reminder truly is a reminder; of what great music sounds like. I love the delicate nature of Feist’s voice, and how she elegantly takes you through emotion after emotion on this record. I also love how she throws you for a complete tailspin when she brings on Sea Lion right after tugging so hard at your heartstrings on the previous two tracks. She is truly full of wonderful surprises, and she shows us too.

Her voice may not be the most powerful, but what it lacks in technical power, it makes up for in spirit and the feelings that it can stir inside you. There aren’t many records that I can listen to over and over, and get tingles when I hear certain songs; but this is definitely one of those records. Specifically, the song, How My Heart Behaves, is one that I would easily consider to be among my favorites of all time; and each time I hear it, I get goosebumps all over.

Feist reminds me a bit of Karen Carpenter; not just because she looks a little like her or how they sound, but because both of these women conjure such emotion in me, and their music really tugs at my heart. When you listen to Feist, you FEEL; which is an amazing, but rare experience when listening to music. I am just glad that I was able to overcome my initial ignorant rejection of this magnificent album; because it solidly deserves to be on everyone’s top records of the year list.

If you are one that really values a softness, subtlety, and feeling, all wrapped up in a shining talent in your music, then you will embrace this record as a shining example of all of these things. When I listen to this record, I realize how you can love something instantly and wholly; and recognize that your love only manages to grow over time. Feist’s The Reminder is truly an exceptional album, and one that demands attention. I am glad that she is gaining exposure from the commercial use of 1234, but after listening to the entire record, I would definitely shout to anyone and everyone listening, that there is a whole lot more to her than just that song. The Reminderis fantastic.

Favorites from The Reminder:
How My Heart Behaves
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1019_heartbehaves.mp3]
The Park
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/feist-thepark.mp3]
I Feel It All
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/feist-ifeelitall.mp3]
Past In Present, 1234, Intuition, and The Limit To Your Love. (again, difficult to pick only a few… and click for videos too!)

Rating:

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the 31 best of 2007 – 3: Kate Nash – Made Of Bricks

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Wow. I can’t believe how hard it was to rank these next two CDs. Seriously, this may be the hardest one to do out of the top of this list, because both the number 3 and the number 2 CDs are so close for different reasons, that I really didn’t know which one to put below the other. However, I do love both of the CDs very much, and they did make the top of my list, so I guess it really isn’t that big of a deal, now is it? Right. Now, in at number three (practically number 2 if we did ties), is Kate Nash’s brilliant debut record, Made of Bricks.

I originally heard of Kate Nash through one of those random “Now!-type samplers”, where the song Foundations was included. After hearing it, I was hooked; and I knew I needed more. What I got, was an amazing CD, chock full of interestingly told stories about childhood rebellion, lovers professing, and missed love connections. Kate is one of those really rare singers that crafts these everyday stories into songs, and does so in a way that defies the conventional way of writing a chorus, refrain, and following a typical song pattern. What happens, is you get crafty songs like Birds; which is full of strangely chosen sentences and weird ways of describing love that come across as both sincere and heartwarming. While some may be off-put by this alternative method of “waxing poetic”, I think that it really shows depth and a level of interestingness that is definitely a welcome thing in today’s music scene.

There are a lot of comparisons between Kate Nash and Lily Allen; they are both Brits with an alterna-pop, single female fronted record, filled with stories about their trials and tribulations, and both exhibit a bad girl edge that is not afraid to stick it to the guy that fucked them over. I think, however, that they both have something, that sets them apart from one another; and serves to be something that prevents Kate from being a Lily “clone”. Where Lily Allen masterfully creates brilliant songs that do tend to stick to the aforementioned pattern of “song crafting”, Kate steps outside of the box, and on both accounts, I have found two female artists that I really completely enjoy. Is Kate Nash the Lily Allen of 2007? Perhaps, but she is different enough, that the comparison will only garner interest in her music; and not have people thinking that she is a carbon-copy (which she definitely is NOT).

The songs that fill Made of Brickswith such joy, pain, suffering, and happiness really take you on an emotional journey; that both make you feel great, and also leaving you feeling like “ugh, I have been there too, and yes, it does suck”. It is one of those records that allow you to have fun, and poke fun at those situations when you too found out that you weren’t going to get the guy, and as such, got drunk in a bathroom at a party to make yourself feel better. I personally love the way that Kate sings, and I think that the combination of her sweet and sincere British voice, mixed with her alternative story telling methods, you really feel like you are getting to know the woman behind the music when you listen to this record.

Made of Bricks is fun, and has so many catchy songs on it, that you will definitely have a difficult time getting several of them out of your head. The single Foundations is one that demands to be played on repeat; but is only the tip of the fantastic pop-iceberg that makes up the rest of this glorious CD. Like I said, it was really hard to rank this at number 3, because I do love it so very, very much, but it only slightly (seriously, like a sliver of glass less) falls below my number 2 choice, which will be up tomorrow. If you are in the market for one of those amazing talents that have created a record that everyone should be talking about, Made of Bricks is where it is at; it is purely brilliant, and amazingly crafted. I fully love everything about this record; and am so happy that I discovered the talented Kate Nash when I did. This record is one of those records that you listen to, instantly realize that you have found something brilliant, and then love time and time again each and every time you listen to it. This is one that demands a spot near the top of my collection; and not just for 2007. Finally, if you like this CD (and how can you not), make sure to pick up the EP she has on iTunes, which contains a few more equally brilliant songs.

Favorite tracks from Made of Bricks:
Nicest Thing
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/katenash-nicestthing.mp3]
Birds
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/katenash-birds.mp3]
Foundations
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/katenash-foundations.mp3]
We Get On, Skeleton Song, Merry Happy, Pumpkin Soup, and Mariella. (all of them, really! Also, links for video; definitely check out the foundations video… so cute!)

Rating:

all about me, happenings, near and dear, tragic

so I disconnect…

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Do you ever have those times in your life where you want to run as far and as fast as you can away from anything, and just be alone?

I am having one of those times right now. I feel almost like I need a vacation from just being me; or from everything for that matter. I love James, my friends, and everyone around me, but I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed; and this isn’t about them… it’s about me.

Part of my stress is that school is proving to be as difficult as I feared, and the stress has taken me to a place I don’t like to be. I hope that next semester is better, because there is no going back from here. If I don’t move forward with the “next phase” of my life, I don’t know what will happen.

I know that this will pass, as it always does, but damn, it fucking hurts when you are in it, you know? If you don’t, good for you.

It would really do me some good to just get some time to myself, and the bad thing is, I don’t see that happening any time soon. Sorry to post such a depressing sentiment, but that’s where I am right now. I hope everyone else, at least, is doing better that I, and even more, I hope that I am doing better very, very soon myself.

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remember, remember…

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The fifth of November,
the gunpowder, treason, and plot,
I know of no reason
why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot…

The plot of Guy Fawkes is a good reminder that dissent may truly be the most ambitious, yet patriotic form of patriotism (which is paraphrasing the often thought to be Thomas Jefferson, but it actually wasn’t (?), quote). I believe, now more than ever, that it is imperative, given the circumstances of this country, this world, this existence, that we stand up and question what is being done. Things are out of control, and we can’t look the other way any longer.

We can’t let there be a time when recalling the events of this day include a time when no one stood up when they came for the others, and then, inevitably they finally came for us, and no one was left to stand up for us. All accounts of the events in the news indicate that in more ways than one, things are going from bad to worse, and I can’t help but think, “does it have to happen?”. Do we have to just follow? Why aren’t our representatives doing something about this? How bad does it have to get before we make it stop?

Remembering the bravery that it takes to stand up to the government isn’t enough, but it seems that it is all that there is right now. I hope that changes soon. I hope that our words and our actions can bring some accountability to where there is none. I hope that our pressure on our government can shed light on the theft that is occurring right before our eyes. I hope that we won’t be the ones that suffer for the blood money that those at the top are raking in.

This really makes me think; where is V when you need him? I think that I will be watching V for Vendetta tonight… and hoping for some bravery to stand against our ever-increasingly-oppressive government. Want more? Check out this remembering article.

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executing homosexuals doesn’t bother us… so long as it happens elsewhere

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This has me upset, outraged, and disturbed.

Less than 24 hours ago, atlmalcontent professed an agreement with my position on gay marriage as an issue, and it is the issue that has gotten me so upset, that brings us to agreement again; in a big way. There is a boy about to be executed for alleged homosexual acts in Iran, and there is an almost chilling silence (or worse (??), only a simple passing mention — which I admit, is at least SOMETHING), coming from the gay rights organizations and gay mouthpieces of the world. How is this possible? I thought that our gay rights organizations like the HRC stood for equalizing and gaining HUMAN rights for gays and lesbians everywhere? Perhaps it is more accurate then, to say that they are focused more on gaining rights for gays and lesbians here in America only? I wish it weren’t the case, but one can only surmise that the apparent silence with regards to this boy’s pending execution, definitely suggests that this is a more accurate mission statement. So I wonder, why aren’t we fighting for every gay and lesbian person in the world; or for that matter, the freedom and equality of everyone? I know that it is important that we focus energy on finding equality for ourselves, but it is clear that we need to widen our focus, because acts against any homosexual as awful as this, are acts against all of us — because it could BE any of us.

Instantly, when I heard about this case, I was reminded of when those two boys were executed in Iran for the very same thing a while back, and how they were very publicly hanged for their “crimes”. That image is still burned in my mind, and thinking of it turns my stomach to knots, and brings tears to my eyes. In addition to that memory, to think that someone was/is going to be hanged for doing something that I take for granted is indeed scarily humbling and intensely frightening. What’s worse, in my mind, is to think that we don’t seem very concerned about the fact that it is happening again. Why aren’t we all up in arms about this case, as we supposedly were before (because really, what was done about it last time?)? Could it be, that we are waiting for the kid to be swinging from the rafters before we give it a passing glance? WTF? Why aren’t the human rights organizations outraged, and calling for action from the government? Those questions are burning me up inside, and because of a lack of attention, I can have no answers.

Even more, part of me shudders to think that it could (at least in some small part) be because the boy is Iranian, and we are currently being drilled by our government to believe that Iranians are our enemies, linking the boy with our concept of an enemy (and therefore, lack of care if he dies(?)). I really hope that isn’t so, but it is swimming in my mind nonetheless. The lack of any concern has me reeling, and looking for any answers, to be quite honest.

The point here is this: there is an awful crime that has happened before about to happen again; and it should not go unchecked. The Iranian government should not be able to commit such heinous acts of violence against anyone, and someone should say something, and at a bare minimum, focus some attention on this situation. This represents the very problem with only focusing on “some” civil liberties in “some” places for “some” people; if you go somewhere else, in the world where you are not protected (or worse, for those that have no choice but to be born gay in those places), and it means that you have done nothing to help the global cause of equality for all gays all over the world. Being safe in America, and able to marry, does not protect gays in other parts of the world; and that is something that should concern us. We should care that gays and lesbians in other countries are KILLED for what we take for granted.

I for one am hoping that something is done, and this CHILD does not have to die. I hope that our gay rights organizations speak up, and show some consideration for what this child is going through; because it could just as easily be one of our own… but again, the fact is, that he IS one of our own. This boy’s struggle for life should really shake us to the core, and make us realize how good we have it here; and challenge us to make it better everywhere… but for whatever reason, it isn’t, and that really bothers me.

Please, do what this post is doing, and direct as much attention as you can to this situation. I heard about this from atlmalcontent, and by voicing our outrage, we are forcing this to be discussed. If one person tells someone else, this can go somewhere; I believe that. Attention to heinous acts of violence like this, can hopefully make changes happen; and it is clear that we are the ones who shine the light on it. Please, don’t remain silent.

My heart goes out to this boy and his family. I can only hope that he is saved. This is a dark, dark day for gay rights worldwide; unfortunately, it has happened before, and will probably happen again. What will it take for us to stand up and unite?

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four years… and one month

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James and I were talking this week about what we wanted to do today, to celebrate our four year anniversary.

It dawned on my just yesterday (!), that in actuality, our four year anniversary was LAST MONTH. So, here’s to four years and one month, since we both somehow forgot that our four year anniversary was actually last month.

I guess we have both been a little busy/distracted, eh? No matter… so long as we have each other. Here’s to many, many more!

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today’s national coming out day…

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A day that represents something important that most gay people will go through; the process of putting everything on the line for the purpose of acceptance and belonging. A day where we that are out can appreciate everything that we went through on that faithful day we when first uttered the words “I’m gay” to another person. A day where we stand proud, and realize how strong we are for coming out of the closet in the first place, and understanding how it is so difficult for those that have not and even more for those that cannot. Today is a day that we get to celebrate being “out”, and relish what it means to truly be who you are for the first time, and for every time.

I have written my “first” coming out story before, but I thought I would include it here, with some edits, since it has been a few years since I first blogged it. While my story of coming out is focused on the first person that I came out to, it doesn’t truly highlight the journey that coming out has been for me, as it is for most. Being out to one quickly became being out to many, and eventually, I was out to everyone, including my family. Even though I have been far, to this day, there are people that have not come out to officially. There are still people from my past whom I have not had the opportunity to tell, who I hope will accept me for who I am, if and when they discover the fact that I am gay. Many people struggle to come out, and I was no different. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I could go back and tell my younger self how much better I would feel once I had finally “taken the plunge”. I think that given the opportunity, I would, but I honestly don’t know what good that would do; I came out when it was time for me to do so, and all I can be thankful for today, is that I had the courage to do it in the first place.

Without too much more sappy-ness, here’s my first (of many) coming out experience. In this story, I was almost “forced” to come out to one of my best friends, all thanks to my urge to catch the debut of a little show called Queer as Folk. I hope that it is a story that is both enjoyable, and inspiring, because sometimes, those little curve balls that life throws us are big signs of change; and as with this case, change for the better.

(note: the story is rather long, so I have cut the entry here to keep the mere sight of the entry manageable; I know that some people freak out when they see an extra long entry.)

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