Tag: suffering

thanks and thoughts

I wanted to say thanks to everyone that sent well wishes and stuff the other day; I was just in a weird spot, and I honestly was thinking too much for my own good. I have this incredible ability to let something minuscule turn into a huge festering thing in my mind, all because I focus too much on it. I am working on that, but it is part of what I learned in how to deal with people when I was growing up. Some of that stuff never goes away, and you just have to deal with it; perhaps that is why I find that I do get let down when I expect too much from people. My parents were good at letting me down, and yet, I naively always believed that the next time, they wouldn’t; which unfortunately, almost always ended in disappointment. I am working on getting out of that, but for now, I can only go at this pace. Thanks for listening, understanding, and being here.

Sydney is doing better, although he is very lethargic and doesn’t want to move around much. I am hoping that by the end of the weekend, he is back to his normal, energetic self. I don’t like seeing him in any pain, because he really is my “baby”, and I love him so much. I am just glad that his tests came back normal, and it appears to just be a case of upset tummy. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts about him, as well.

Other than that, there isn’t really much going on in the way of “stuff” right now. I am still in a little bit of a weird place, as it was pointed out to me that I was being a little snippy at lunch with James. I was constantly on his case about his driving, because, well, he is a very easily distracted person anyway, and I really didn’t want anything to happen to him or his car. I guess sometimes, good intentions come out bitchy. Oh well… perhaps it is the rain today? Who knows… I just know I am glad that it is Friday.

Finally, a few links with some scattered thoughts:
— Surprise! A negative review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” from a gay website. While I don’t really care one way or another about the movie getting good or bad reviews, it always makes me wonder about people who watch movies and criticize them, when it is clear to everyone else that the movie is going to contain the very elements that the critic negatively goes on and on about. Obviously, this movie is going to use borderline or outright negative gay stereotypes and bad humor to poke fun at what most American men see to be an uncomfortable situation; a simulated homosexual relationship between two straight men. While it may be distasteful and possibly a negative reinforcement (but probably not, since GLAAD gave it a thumbs up), if you don’t want to hear the negative gay jokes, don’t go see this movie; problem solved. I do have to say though, that I think Kevin James is absolutely adorable, and I don’t think that his part in this dumb movie will change any of that feeling from me.
Cheney will be in charge while Bush goes under for a routine colonoscopy. I would really have loved it if the news outlets had gotten creative, and came up with creatively disgusting titles to supplement this story. However, I for one don’t know how they are actually going to get in there, with that big stick shoved up his ass, and all.
— I saw this clip of Tammy Faye when she was recently on the Larry King show, and it honestly just breaks my heart to see someone so sweet and genuinely wonderful suffering like that. Hell, I don’t like seeing anyone suffer, but Tammy Faye is good, and she totally has had our backs for a long time, showing the world what a true Christian should be like. Additionally, her son has turned out to be accepting and loving as well; not to mention, kind of hot. I love you Tammy Faye, and I hope that you are not suffering, and that your final days are peaceful and happy. You have been there for the gays, and we definitely thank you for your love, kindness, and support. If only there were more like you, Tammy Faye.

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and I am going to do my best to relax, finish the paintings I am working on, and spend time with my family (James, little Sydney, and some friends if they are interesting in hanging out). Now, I’m off to get some damn wine… I have been Cabernet-ing it up this week; I see no reason to slow up now!

where in the world is duane?

The answer: In bed. And, I have been in bed for literally, the entire day; in fact, I am writing this, sitting in bed with my laptop (thank God for that wireless USB adaptor that I bought way back when).

Why have I been in bed all day, you ask? Well, yesterday, I was walking about the house, picking up Sydney’s toys, which were due a good washing, and I leaned down to get one in the kitchen, and upon standing up, found a sharp, shooting pain in my back. It was so intense, I literally fell face first to the floor. After laying there for a few minutes, I felt much better, and made my way back upright; but not totally. I was able to walk comfortably bent over a bit, and as long as I leaned to my right, I was somewhat comfortable.

I went on with some caution, but figured it would be better this morning. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t. I woke up this morning, literally screaming at the top of my lungs in agony. Imagine the worst charlie-horse you have EVER had, multiply it by 10, and then place that in your lower back. Literally, I made my way out of the bed, because I had to pee, and I was seriously contemplating just peeing sitting on the floor, because standing up caused me so much pain. (I did manage to force myself to get up and use the toilet, so don’t get too excited). If I could rate my pain level on a scale of one to ten, this was easily a ten.

The worst part, is that it is still here. I have managed to limp around the house a TINY bit today, but for the most part, I have stayed still in the bed; with the occasional writhing in agony when my back decides it wants to spasm, just because I moved.

I did manage to watch the entire series of Kitchen Confidential, as well as Superman Returns, though, which was something to keep my mind off of the pain. When James got home, he brought me food (didn’t eat all day until he got here, around 6), and he kindly hooked me up with my laptop, and a new movie selection. I wanted to go to the doctor, but I am serious when I say, that the only way I could get there, would be on a stretcher.

I got lots of pain meds, and muscle relaxers from my doc, and I hope that they ease the tension in my back, and manages to stop this awful spasms.

Updates will provided as necessary… hopefully, they will be good updates. Wish me well!