Tag: reflection

all about me, nursing

a little reflection

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A little over 3 months ago, I switched from working at an LTAC, long term acute care, hospital to working in the emergency department. The LTAC was my first job after nursing school, and it was grueling, exhausting, and often very trying. It was no stretch to say that I was kind of miserable a lot of the time. When my contract was up, I was hopeful that I would be able to move to a new area of nursing specialty at the hospital, because I really liked working for this hospital, and I was delighted when I interviewed and was hired to work in the ED. While I was excited, I was also terrified; I had been told by a lot of nursing instructors that I would love the ED, but I was still pretty nervous (especially given my experience in nursing so far), because if this was a bust, what the hell was I going to do?

With that being said, I started on nights, and I really started to enjoy my job. I liked the people working on nights, and actually found that I was getting a lot more satisfaction out of my job; more so than I ever had before. Additionally, I found that I was less unhappy when I wasn’t at work, and I didn’t dread going to work anymore. I think it really hit home, when James mentioned that he noticed I didn’t really complain about work anymore; which is something I was really happy to hear.

As I was hired with the intention of going to day shift, the time came recently for me to go to days, and again, I found myself very nervous. When I switched over to days a couple weeks ago, I was really nervous not only because I had gotten to like working with the night time crew, but also, because I was worried that I was going to dislike anything about days. This had a lot to do with the fact that I had finally found a place I felt like I fit in within nursing. Well, I can certainly say, that while I miss my night time comrades, I find that I have been enjoying working days as well; and a bonus is I don’t have to deal with the fucked up sleeping schedule.

I am pleased that I have found a place in nursing that I actually love, and even more so, that I can actually say that I love being a nurse (most of the time… after all, there are parts none of us nurses like!). That just makes me really, really happy. Things are kinda good, and I am okay with that!

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just like on tv

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I have been sitting here this morning, looking through some of the journals and blogs that I regularly follow, and spending time looking through many of those same people’s flickr collections, and I feel like I am watching my favorite program on television. I feel like I am seeing their interesting lives, and I find myself always wanting to know more.

A few of these people have a captivating quality to them, that I would say equates to me having “crushes” on them. It is like your favorite actor/actress that you would totally get with if you had the chance; only it isn’t as palpable as that. It is much more innocent and vague, poignantly less sexual, and often times, more interest driven. Handsome and attractive? Yes, they are, but that is not all that I like about them… there is so much more going on, and a lot of it, I don’t even know about; which is part of the thrill.

They are strangers, they are people that exist inside this little box that I look at day in and day out, and I don’t really know them at all. All I know is what I have seen, that which they choose to share, and I eagerly await new content and evidence that my favorite characters are doing well, and having a great life. I benefit from seeing that they have posted new pictures, or have uploaded new content; I want to know them, even though I really can’t on any level other than “through the internet”. Maybe someday? Who knows, but right now, this is fulfilling enough.

I often wonder, that if I have this type of relationship with the characters that I follow, does anyone follow me? If so, what is it about me that makes them keep coming back for more? Is it what draws me to them, the attraction, the interest, a fascination, and a captivation with life and how it is sometimes so different than my own?

Perhaps it is the anthropologist in me that I constantly seeking more and more, and who enjoys, and is so fulfilled by watching the world around him. More intensely, in this case, watching those in that little box that sits on my desktop, finding pictures, words, instances, and little bits of evidence to suggest that my favorite characters are doing well, and are keeping me company in the little way that they don’t even know that they are. Yes, it truly is intriguing to me what you have to say, and every time you post some pictures, I look forward to seeing how you are doing. I enjoy our time together, and look forward to more.