Tag: nursing

year end… again

So again, I find myself at the end of another year, and I am sitting here asking myself, what has happened with this year? It has flown by. Since I started nursing school, and since being a nurse full time, I find that I need to have way more down time, and time that I spend recovering from the job, mostly because it is so tough. That being said, I am definitely still here, and things are good; in fact, much better right now than before, and I feel that it will keep getting better. Here’s a few things that have happened recently that I probably should have blogged about, but didn’t.


In September, James and I got married in DC. Here’s a lot of photos, and I realize that I need to upload so many more… in time. It was an amazing experience. We have been together for a little over 11 years, and we got married with friends and family, and it was honestly, the best I could have imagined. My parents were there, James’ parents were there, and everything went over without any issues. The wedding itself was short and sweet, which I liked, the reception was amazing, and is something that we can always cherish. There were many great memories, lots of fun, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

A little over a month ago, I decided to take a big chance, and switch jobs (and hospitals). So far, going from the Emergency Department to the ICU has been a bit of a change (unorganized chaos to timely structure), but I can already tell that I am a lot less stressed, and a lot less upset all of the time. I think the pressure of the ungrateful, not-sick-give-me-a-sandwich patients in the ED finally wore me out, and the universe gave me a huge sign that it was time for a change. I am excited about this new opportunity, and I cannot wait until I get more accustomed to my new environment, and feel as comfortable here as I did in the ED. I have already learned a lot, and I know that this was a good move, and I am excited for the new experience.

Lastly, I started grad school for my MSN, which will propel me from RN to FNP. I am getting more into the process, and I am sure that this is going to be a great thing in the long run, but it’s definitely another major undertaking, that I have decided to take on. It seems that I either love school, or love student loan debt, because here I go again… although the outcome will be a major reward, and I know that it will be difficult, but is ultimately a great choice.

All in all, it’s been a busy year, and many changes have taken place; and I expect great things as a result. Here’s to a great (and hopefully even better than 2014) 2015!

a little reflection

A little over 3 months ago, I switched from working at an LTAC, long term acute care, hospital to working in the emergency department. The LTAC was my first job after nursing school, and it was grueling, exhausting, and often very trying. It was no stretch to say that I was kind of miserable a lot of the time. When my contract was up, I was hopeful that I would be able to move to a new area of nursing specialty at the hospital, because I really liked working for this hospital, and I was delighted when I interviewed and was hired to work in the ED. While I was excited, I was also terrified; I had been told by a lot of nursing instructors that I would love the ED, but I was still pretty nervous (especially given my experience in nursing so far), because if this was a bust, what the hell was I going to do?

With that being said, I started on nights, and I really started to enjoy my job. I liked the people working on nights, and actually found that I was getting a lot more satisfaction out of my job; more so than I ever had before. Additionally, I found that I was less unhappy when I wasn’t at work, and I didn’t dread going to work anymore. I think it really hit home, when James mentioned that he noticed I didn’t really complain about work anymore; which is something I was really happy to hear.

As I was hired with the intention of going to day shift, the time came recently for me to go to days, and again, I found myself very nervous. When I switched over to days a couple weeks ago, I was really nervous not only because I had gotten to like working with the night time crew, but also, because I was worried that I was going to dislike anything about days. This had a lot to do with the fact that I had finally found a place I felt like I fit in within nursing. Well, I can certainly say, that while I miss my night time comrades, I find that I have been enjoying working days as well; and a bonus is I don’t have to deal with the fucked up sleeping schedule.

I am pleased that I have found a place in nursing that I actually love, and even more so, that I can actually say that I love being a nurse (most of the time… after all, there are parts none of us nurses like!). That just makes me really, really happy. Things are kinda good, and I am okay with that!

thankful

It has occurred to me that this year has been quite the tumultuous one, and while I remain extremely stressed most of the time, I have a lot to be thankful for.

James and I have been together 9 years and counting, and I couldn’t be happier. We keep talking about potentially having a child someday, so who knows, maybe we will be parents in the future?!

While we did lose my dear, sweet Sydney this year, which was the worst day of my life by far, we welcomed Charlie into our lives, and it has been quite an adventure. He is pretty good, but when is bad, he can be pretty bad. Poop and pee monster, for sure! Also, please stop chewing on everything in sight, little man!! I still miss Sydney each and every day, and some days are harder than others, but I am just thankful I was able to have a wonderful almost 8 years with him. I love you Sydney!!

We bought a house this year. It was an ironically called short sale, which took a stressful 4 months to complete. We have the house, we don’t have the house, we have the house, we don’t have the house… ACK! Overall, it worked out, and we rented our house to our friend and real estate agent, but it still doesn’t feel totally real at times. This is the house we always wanted, and getting it seems a little dream like, and I guess it is hard to process.

I have been working as a nurse for a year and half now, and I still find that I am not over nursing school. It was a terrible experience that really tore me down emotionally, physically, and my confidence is having a hard time bouncing back. I do feel like I am more proficient in my profession, and I do take a lot of joy home from my job, but there are days that are so intense and they don’t need to be. It just really wears on me at times. I was talking with a coworker recently when it really dawned on me; I have been through a LOT this year, as well as from the beginning of nursing school until now, so maybe a real vacation is in order in the near future.

Finally, I do have to say, that while my anhedonia is a large part of my lack of blogging and participating in my hobbies, I am somewhat content, and I am thankful for the wonderful things in my life. I have an amazing partner, wonderful dogs that love me, a great house that I am trying to realize is a wonderful home, and excellent friends that I get to spend time with. Overall, there is more to be thankful for that not, and that’s something worth noting.

only 5?

I was looking last night, and I noticed that I have only written 5 posts for this entire year. Whoa. That has to be a new record low. Thing is, I just don’t spend that much time at the computer anymore because of work. I work those insane 12-13 hour shifts, and then I just want to veg out and relax. Days off are about catching up and not doing anything strenuous. So far, it’s been good, but I am pretty stressed at times because of work; being a nurse is a stressful job, and don’t let anyone imply otherwise.

This year, so far, has been pretty decent (at times). We bought a new house, right across the street, which still sort of doesn’t seem real at times. Also, we got a new family member in Charlie; even though we lost our precious Sydney, whom I still miss each and every day. Overall, it’s been a year of new things, and things are pretty good right now.

I also became a Scentsy certified consultant this year, something that I absolutely adore. What is Scentsy you ask? If you want you can check out the website; I started selling the stuff because I love it so much. My house smells amazing!

That’s really about it. I wish I had more time to spend listening to music and catching up, but it seems like this year is flying by at record speed. Work is taxing and always challenging, but can be very rewarding, which is nice. Charlie is a delight, even though is a poop and pee monster who likes to chew on anything he has in his eye line. He and Pickles get along very well, and I couldn’t be happier about that. I just miss my Sydney something terrible. The new house is a lot to take in, and I am so happy we were able to make this move; even though it was a grueling 4 month process to acquire it! Short sale? How ironically titled.

Anywho… I hope you all out there are doing well, know that I am doing my best to be well, well, as well. Here’s to newness, changes, working hard, and reaping the rewards; and getting sleep and listening to more music on days off!! Now… to get back to my day off!

sotd: Robyn – Include Me Out

So yeah, I bet you are wondering (that is if people even still read this poorly updated blog, sorry…) right about now… hey, where’s the year end album countdown? Well, I can assure you of something; it IS coming. I haven’t had time to get it done, because frankly, I work all of the time.

When I’m not working, I am sleeping; this job is one that wears me out majorly, but it is something that I am glad I worked so hard to get into. Being a nurse is incredibly frustrating, tiring, irritating at times, and very, very draining, but it is also really rewarding.

That being said, I am excited about bringing the year end best albums of 2011 to you, but in the mean time, here is a song that I recently rediscovered; it was on Body Talk part 2, but didn’t make the “cut” for the Body Talk album (which was a compilation of the three EPs). This song is incredible! Why didn’t it make the cut, Robyn? Oh well, at least it was on one of the EPs…

Now… stay tuned for the albums of the year… I am going to try and get that up soon!

Duane Moody, RN

I just found out today that I am a registered nurse. I took the NCLEX yesterday, which is the board certification test for becoming a RN, and even though I haven’t received the results yet, the Georgia Board of Nursing has already posted my status as an active registered nurse with a license number and everything (this must really bug the company that provides the NCLEX, because they require you to pay $8 to find out your results 48 hours after the test… which is apparently now unnecessary if you can find out that you are an RN, because obviously if so, then you passed it). I was a bit freaked out, because it was HARD. I had the minimum number of questions (75), and when it shut off, I felt my heart sink; did I pass or fail? Well, it looks like I did fine!

To describe how I feel in one word, it would be surreal. This has been a long, frustrating, trying, and completely exhausting journey. I never thought I would do this. There was a time I never thought I’d actually get into nursing school, and then I did. There was a time I never thought I’d graduate from nursing school, because of how fucking hard it was, and then I did. There was a time when I prepared, not so long ago, for the monster that is the NCLEX, and I was worried I wouldn’t pass it, and then I did. There was a time when I wanted to be a nurse, and now, I am one.

Duane Moody, RN.

Like I said, it’s all a bit surreal. An almost 5 year journey is complete. As I sit here, excited to take the next steps and get a job as a RN, I can only reflect on just what I have gone through to get to today. Let me tell you, it was A LOT. Those that listened to me complain about nursing school; THANK YOU for listening. I can’t tell you how much appreciate all of your friendships and your patience. To James, who put up with more than anyone, I thank you the most; after all, I know I was more than hard to deal with for more than a little while now. I love you, and appreciate all of the patience and loving support you have shown me during this very difficult journey.

It’s finally all done, and yet, this is a beginning at the same time; and I am ready to move forward. Excited, even! Let’s go nurse something!

tonight, I finish with nursing school…

Tonight, I am going to my pinning ceremony for nursing school. I think that it is pretty amazing that this is also the same date as Florence Nightingale’s birthday; as she is the woman who pioneered modern nursing. This is the ceremonial passing of the torch to us, transitioning us from nursing students, into nurses. Being an anthropologist, I respect the rites of passage and need for ritual in culture, so I look forward to participating in my own rite of passage this evening.

With that being said, this has been one HELL of a journey. I started taking pre-requisites back in 2007 (!) when I made the decision that I wanted to leave my job and become a nurse. Many classes, and OH SO MUCH frustration later, I am about to walk across the stage and be pinned as a graduate nurse. I can’t say as it has sunk in that much for me yet, because I keep finding myself going and checking grades for this final semester just to be sure that this is indeed real, and that yes, we are finally done.

This has been an intense, very long journey, and I have been so long ready for today. Now, I can’t wait to go and take my board exam, get my RN license and finally become a registered nurse. People keep telling me congratulations and how my hard work will pay off, and I honestly can’t wait to see that happen; all in good time, right?

Thanks for all the support everyone has thrown my way; it means a lot.

one down, three to go…

So my first semester of nursing school is in the bag; we had our final last Wednesday, and the next semester starts promptly tomorrow… not much time for a break, eh? Oh well, that’s what accelerated means! Either way, I am proud to have made it through the first semester intact, but my stress hasn’t dissipated.

It’s weird, because looking back on my grades from the past semester, a big part of my stress comes from the fact that this truly is something that you can’t study your way out of. In most every class I’ve ever taken, if you study harder, you do better, but in nursing school, it seems like sometimes, that doesn’t even matter. Sometimes you (at least feel like you) know the concepts like the back of your hand, and tricky questions throw you off, and instead of acing the test, you sit there staring at a B, wondering what went wrong. Funny thing is, that the ones you missed are often times the questions that you would often have answered the exact same way again; even though you know the correct answer isn’t the one you chose. I have been working on learning how to beat these tricky questions, and I haven’t figured out a fool proof method yet. From what I have heard from pretty much all my nursing friends, is that this is a hallmark of nursing school, and while it is difficult to grasp, eventually, I will be able to master them. Here’s hoping that’s true, because it’s more than frustrating at times.

I just hope that I can keep doing what I am doing, and keep doing well, because being a nurse means a lot to me, and the more I go through this process, it seems to matter more and more with each day. Here’s to repeat success in this rapid summer semester, and continued success in each subsequent semester that follows!

almost there

Today was my last day of clinical rotation for my first semester of nursing school. I would be a complete liar if I said I had totally enjoyed the experience, because all in all, working in the hospital is hard work, and you occasionally find yourself elbow deep in shit; sometimes, quite literally. Overall, what I have taken away, is a feeling that I am still on the right track, that I can do this, and that I’m glad to have had the experience, and I look forward to the next clinical rotation; but I do hope that it is a bit better… but then again, doesn’t everyone wish for better things? Well, if they don’t, then they most certainly should, because I know I do!

Now, time to start studying for finals!!

worrywart

That might as well be my middle name.

Ever since I can remember, I have worried, and worried, and worried about everything. Crap that I can control, crap that I can’t control, crap that I shouldn’t even worry about; I even worry that I worry to much.

However, I can’t seem to turn it off. I just can’t. *insert very frustrated face here*

That being said, I have made it past the half-way point of my first semester of nursing school, and while I am doing well, I find myself worrying about my future. Will I be able to get a good job? Will I be able to get into a good BSN program, and then a MSN program? Will I be able to do what I want to do? Worry, worry, worry.

I sit around and think about these things all of the time, there’s no stopping me. I wish I knew how to shut down, and relax, but I think I’m just hardwired to worry. So I guess I’ll just worry, and try not to worry about it. Ugh.

Either way, things are well my way, and I feel bad about neglecting this here blog; but I’m not going to add that to my big ole pile of worry, because that would just be silly, because I clearly have more than enough to worry about already.