I posted recently about finally graduating from grad school, again, and then I passed the boards. YAY! Today makes two weeks into my new job as a family nurse practitioner, and I can certainly say, that while it is challenging, and I have a LOT to learn, I kind of love it! I know, going from a job that I really never wanted to do again to one that I kind of love? Crazy. It makes me think that this whole journey may have ACTUALLY been worth it. I know I have a lot of growth ahead of me, and I have a lot to learn, but I am going to keep doing what I am doing, and try to enjoy the journey; if this beginning taste is an indicator of what is to come, I may have finally found the right career fit for me… and before I turned 40! HAHA!
A little over 3 months ago, I switched from working at an LTAC, long term acute care, hospital to working in the emergency department. The LTAC was my first job after nursing school, and it was grueling, exhausting, and often very trying. It was no stretch to say that I was kind of miserable a lot of the time. When my contract was up, I was hopeful that I would be able to move to a new area of nursing specialty at the hospital, because I really liked working for this hospital, and I was delighted when I interviewed and was hired to work in the ED. While I was excited, I was also terrified; I had been told by a lot of nursing instructors that I would love the ED, but I was still pretty nervous (especially given my experience in nursing so far), because if this was a bust, what the hell was I going to do?
With that being said, I started on nights, and I really started to enjoy my job. I liked the people working on nights, and actually found that I was getting a lot more satisfaction out of my job; more so than I ever had before. Additionally, I found that I was less unhappy when I wasn’t at work, and I didn’t dread going to work anymore. I think it really hit home, when James mentioned that he noticed I didn’t really complain about work anymore; which is something I was really happy to hear.
As I was hired with the intention of going to day shift, the time came recently for me to go to days, and again, I found myself very nervous. When I switched over to days a couple weeks ago, I was really nervous not only because I had gotten to like working with the night time crew, but also, because I was worried that I was going to dislike anything about days. This had a lot to do with the fact that I had finally found a place I felt like I fit in within nursing. Well, I can certainly say, that while I miss my night time comrades, I find that I have been enjoying working days as well; and a bonus is I don’t have to deal with the fucked up sleeping schedule.
I am pleased that I have found a place in nursing that I actually love, and even more so, that I can actually say that I love being a nurse (most of the time… after all, there are parts none of us nurses like!). That just makes me really, really happy. Things are kinda good, and I am okay with that!
by duane • • 2 Comments
Back in 2003, I had this friend. He and I were pretty close, but little did I know, we were about to get closer. He was sort of “tricked” into confessing that he liked me more than a friend, and with this information, I decided to see where it might go. We were worried that it had the potential to ruin an amazing friendship, but sometimes, the risk is worth it.
This time it paid off.
Yesterday, September 14, 2013, James and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. We have been through some amazing times and some not so amazing times, but I couldn’t imagine a better partner to have at my side than him. He makes me laugh, he consoles me when I cry, he has stood by my side, and has been there with me through some pretty hard times. We have been on this journey for 10 years, and while there have been ups and downs, the journey has been amazing. I truly hope that this is the beginning of a lifetime together.
I love you James. You are the best partner that anyone could ever hope to have in life; and I am lucky enough to call you mine.
by duane • • 0 Comments
I am very busy with school and whatnot, but I’m still here… This semester has been an exercise in extreme patience, and so far, I am only doing so-so with said patience. I really need to learn to relax and just let shit that I cannot control go, but I have such a hard time with it. I do find comfort in the fact that it will all be done at some point in the near future, and I can move on, and not look back. Thank goodness I have friends (both in school and outside of it) that are so awesome, and help me take my mind off of the crap… and listen to me bitch about it too. It’s frustrating to be so frustrated all of the time, and it really just makes me angry all of the time, which I honestly can’t stand feeling like either. I’m just trying to focus on the big picture, and the end game, which I know will make everything up to it completely worth it.
Other than school, I can’t say much else is going on with me right now. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, or really, just an indifferent thing, but either way, it’s where I’m at right now… still here, and holding on. I can say this with perfect certainty; I cannot WAIT for May.
by duane • • 0 Comments
That might as well be my middle name.
Ever since I can remember, I have worried, and worried, and worried about everything. Crap that I can control, crap that I can’t control, crap that I shouldn’t even worry about; I even worry that I worry to much.
However, I can’t seem to turn it off. I just can’t. *insert very frustrated face here*
That being said, I have made it past the half-way point of my first semester of nursing school, and while I am doing well, I find myself worrying about my future. Will I be able to get a good job? Will I be able to get into a good BSN program, and then a MSN program? Will I be able to do what I want to do? Worry, worry, worry.
I sit around and think about these things all of the time, there’s no stopping me. I wish I knew how to shut down, and relax, but I think I’m just hardwired to worry. So I guess I’ll just worry, and try not to worry about it. Ugh.
Either way, things are well my way, and I feel bad about neglecting this here blog; but I’m not going to add that to my big ole pile of worry, because that would just be silly, because I clearly have more than enough to worry about already.
by duane • • 0 Comments
I can’t believe we are in the 5th month of the year already. Damn, time is flying by.
So here’s a little update about what’s going on in duaneworld right now:
– We are still dealing with the bathroom remodel. This thing has seriously been 2 steps forward, 14 steps back. It is just a mountain of stress, and James and I have fought MANY times as a result. I am glad that in the end, we will get to take a nice relaxing spa shower to get over the stress. I am happy to report, however, that the last thing that the shower requires is the actual tiling and the installation of the door; we have framed everything out (plumbing too!), and the tiling SHOULD begin tonight (fingers crossed).
– Other than the bathroom, we haven’t been up to much. I need to write up a review of the Leslie Hall show from a couple of weeks ago (I know, mucho overdue), and I promise I will.
– We are seeing Death Cab For Cutie this week, and I am really excited about that; especially since it is my first time seeing them.
– That’s really about it… Oh yeah, as a friendly reminder, don’t forget to send you mother/grandmother/ any other mothers in your family a card/gift for Mother’s day… which is THIS Sunday!
Hope everyone is having a delightful (albeit dreadful) Monday! Other than an extended drive to work this morning, I am doing pretty well… seriously, Atlanta, how difficult is it to put up notice that the road is closed up ahead???! I mean, let us know before we go down the road and have to turn around; make things easier, won’t you?
by duane • • 5 Comments
Tuesday, January 20, 2009… a historical date? Looks like it. As someone who is definitely proud to have voted for Barack Obama, I can say that it is pretty cool to have our first black president taking the oath this morning (now, when is spell check going to be updated to recognize his name?). While everyone is a flutter with excitement, I can’t help but just be happy, and nothing more. I have been going through some personal stuff lately, and while I am okay (don’t worry, people!), I am still very ho hum and a bit depressed. Here’s a few random updates so you can get a feel for what’s going on in duaneland these days:
- I hate when people talk about the weather like it’s a revelation. Yes, I noticed it was cold outside, because I walked through the brisk wind to get into the building; just like you did. Now, can we go back to not talking? There were two women talking at the gas pump this morning about how cold it was, and well, they were just annoying. Maybe I’m just annoyed too easily by things like this, but it is like I have said before, any time you want to point out the completely obvious, just know that you are opening yourself up to my ridicule.
- James and I have been talking about the wedding, and honestly, the whole thing has caused us to have to re-think the entire event. Yes, we are still moving forward, but I don’t know what’s actually going to happen, nor do I know when. So, just stay tuned.
- I’ve seen some really entertaining movies lately. That’s always a good thing.
- I think a lot of my funk has to do with this snail’s pace that life seems to be taking for me, especially with regards to keeping the whole nursing thing going. After not getting into the accelerated program, I have just been met with more and more frustration, but I am determined to keep going. I am applying to two different programs for Fall, so fingers crossed, I will keep moving this juggernaut forward. It’s hard not to feel like Sisyphus right now, which again, is probably a huge part of my frustration/depressive state.
- Apathy is a motherfucker. It’s got me by the balls right now, and I can’t figure out how to shake it. It makes me think of my friend Michael’s tag line on his LJ; fight apathy! or not… So funny, but so true.
- I feel like I am just coasting right now, and I think that is part of the problem. I am working on it, but I just wish everything wasn’t an uphill battle. Is it so bad that one might want to just stay in bed all day?!
- After having issues with my iPod Touch, I decided to restore it, and now, it seems a lot happier, and appears to be working normally. I just wish Apple products weren’t so bitchy when you use them with windows. Seriously, Apple, we like you, but don’t punish us because we cannot afford your amazing, but expensive, computers too.
Enough doom and gloom… I just thought it would be beneficial to get some of this stuff out. I hope everyone has a fantastical inauguration day. Congratulations to the Obama’s is certainly in order, and I for one, hope that the nation gets better because of the fact that they are taking the reigns from here.
by duane • • 8 Comments
I have been wondering what is keeping me from doing things that I like to do (like taking pictures) recently (and for quite a while now), but I don’t think that it is because I am uninspired so much as I feel a bit stuck. I feel like I am waiting… waiting on things to materialize on next steps for some things, and here I am, trapped in the interim, and I am just stuck. I have felt a bit in a rut lately, but I think that I am just beginning to really notice it; I think it is bigger than even I see.
I need to pull myself out somehow. I really respect other people that seem so adept at doing that for themselves, and hope to take some of their success as motivation for my own use. I guess I tend to get caught up in the goings on of every day, and find myself waiting for the next day… EVERY day. That is where the rut comes into play, and it almost always sneaks up on me, as it has done in this most recent case.
I am writing it here, because I want to make an effort to try a bit harder not to be so complacent, and to motivate myself. Perhaps putting it out there will make a difference? Who knows. It has and hasn’t in the past, but at least it’s a step. ANY step feels like a success right now.
I think that part of it, is that there are so many things that I want changed, that I start to see all of them, and I let them overwhelm me, and I end up not doing anything at all… and I hate that about me. I’ve always been that way too, so I don’t see that as something that I can change, so much as I can just deal with it. It’s weird, because I feel like I am all or nothing in some things; like when I was so obsessed with my weight, that I worked out 6 days a week, and weighed a crazy-skinny 160 lbs. Now, I look at myself in the mirror, and wonder what the fuck happened? I have gained so much weight, and feel so lazy because I am not doing anything about it. Yet, instead of going to work out and fix it, I just skip working out and sulk. This is one of the worst aspects of the rut and the complacency, yet I can’t seem to shake it. I feel like writing it down may make me a bit more accountable, but I don’t even know if that will make a difference.
I just wish I could tap into some (SOME) of that tenacity that I used to have… some of the old me to help the new me shake this rut; even if it is only for a little while. I’m telling myself right now that I am going to try, and honestly, that’s the best that I can do. I hope that it works.
by duane • • 6 Comments
Basically, I had an “epiphany” yesterday. I put it in quotations, because I have thought about it many times, but it never seemed like such a good idea until yesterday. Basically, I think that I should just focus on getting my RN, and then worrying about the BSN after I am already working in nursing. This way, I can transition quicker, which I REALLY need to do. I am almost terrified of change, but it is so necessary, because I just feel completely lost right now.
This semester is winding down, and I have finals this week and next. I will be so happy to be finished with anatomy, because it is one of the most useless classes ever. The whole point is to weed out those that don’t want it bad enough, and I am just ready to be done with it. I hope that I do well on my lab final, because I completely bombed the midterm, thanks to the distraction of my floors being ripped up that same day.
I was going to write a post about the Kate Nash concert, as well as one about the Feist concert, but it just seems like I don’t have the desire to do very much these days. I had a blast at both shows, and both Kate Nash and Feist were amazing. Also, Hayden opened for Feist, and I was glad to be able to see him after all of these years. All three artists are impressive, and put on great shows.
That’s about it really… just trying to maintain, I guess. Getting out of the bed is harder each day, and if I can come up with a remedy for it; I will market it. Trust me.
by duane • • 5 Comments
I wish I really were a ninja, and didn’t have to resort to pretending:
Because if I were, I would chop this day in half! HI-YAH!!
photo courtesy of the one they call ming.