Tag: frustration

another class complete and 5SF stuff

As of yesterday, I have successfully completed my Peds class. Whew!! That was rough at times, and I am just glad it’s over. I still have two more clinical days, but they shouldn’t be so bad. Now, just to start studying for Pysch’s first test, and get prepared for OB to start up. School work, it seems, is never done.

I know that I spoke about this in the past, and even found a temporary solution, but it looks like the 5SF might be dead for real this time, kids. I can’t add files to grooveshark anymore, and they never have what I want to post. Also, I can’t figure out how to use this plug in without it giving out my file storage area (which was the problem before, and caused my bandwidth to disappear), so I think I might just have to give up. I wish I could figure out something else, but honestly, I’m just so busy right now that I can’t do it on my own. Any solutions that I could figure out fairly easily are welcome. If not, there’s not much else I guess I can do right now; it’s disappointing, but it’s reality, unfortunately.

I’m still here

I am very busy with school and whatnot, but I’m still here… This semester has been an exercise in extreme patience, and so far, I am only doing so-so with said patience. I really need to learn to relax and just let shit that I cannot control go, but I have such a hard time with it. I do find comfort in the fact that it will all be done at some point in the near future, and I can move on, and not look back. Thank goodness I have friends (both in school and outside of it) that are so awesome, and help me take my mind off of the crap… and listen to me bitch about it too. It’s frustrating to be so frustrated all of the time, and it really just makes me angry all of the time, which I honestly can’t stand feeling like either. I’m just trying to focus on the big picture, and the end game, which I know will make everything up to it completely worth it.

Other than school, I can’t say much else is going on with me right now. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, or really, just an indifferent thing, but either way, it’s where I’m at right now… still here, and holding on. I can say this with perfect certainty; I cannot WAIT for May.

I’m this close

…to completely giving up. I have applied, taken classes, kissed ass, sent in form after fucking form, and it is all apparently not enough. I cannot get into a fucking nursing program to save my life. I am really close to just saying, “fuck it, universe, you win”. I just got off of the phone with GPC to ask why my status wasn’t changed on their website, because I have sent in the “change of status” form 3 times now, and I have found out that they still haven’t changed it, and want me to resubmit it. What for? Just for shits and grins? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

If I hear ANYONE say anything about how they “can’t believe that there is such a shortage of nurses” in Georgia, I will let them know why. I am smart, have great grades, and most of all, the drive to do the damn job, and even I can’t get my foot in the door. I have been trying to get into other schools, and they keep listing me as an out of state resident, which both quadruples the tuition, as well as puts me at the end of the list, after all of the in state residents (which is practically an instant rejection, since there is such a shortage of these programs in Georgia). I can see why kids graduating from college in Georgia could have a bleak outlook for their future; good luck finding college in this state.

Needless to say, I am MORE than frustrated right now, but I am VERY happy that I at least have a job; no I am not that diluted by my disappointment to forget that majorly important fact.

/upset rant

over it

I came within an inch of crashing to a complete halt this weekend; this bathroom must be finished soon. If not, it will finish me. While laying the pebble tile in the basin on Saturday, I literally had an emotional breakdown; being a perfectionist, and doing something highly imperfect, is a recipe for disaster. After some calming down from James (who has been amazingly understanding and patient during this renovation), and a soothing bath in the other bathroom, I was able to relax, and disconnect for a bit.

The only thing that is keeping me grounded, is the FACT that it will be done soon, and my sanity will return. I have to believe this, in order to continue moving forward. Ladies and gentlemen, duane will return to his regularly scheduled programming shortly… please stand by.

…deep breath… put on a smile… there you go…

So after looking back over the requirements for applying to GSU (again), it looks like I have to take two MORE classes BEFORE the program semester in which I am applying. I knew that I had to take them, but was unclear if I had to take them BEFORE the program started. Oh well, because there is no way I could have done anything about that before this spring anyway, because they have to be taken AT GSU, and I only got in recently for spring. So, I guess I will just take them in the spring, and postpone applying to the program, and instead, apply for fall; which is definitely frustrating, but not the end of the world. Seriously, it just seems like so many hurdles to go back to school; no wonder there is a shortage of nurses. They make it so difficult to do something simple (such as fulfill requirements), and it seems like time has got to be your friend… you need it to get where you can finally get into a program. Also, it is so difficult to work and go back to school… people that do it really know what I am talking about. Thank GOD my job is flexible.

Given this bad-ish news, the good news is that I did apply to KSU, and I don’t know the status of that application. I REALLY hope that I can get in there, which would make it more attractive to go there; I could start next summer. I like the idea of going to another school too, because I have already been to GSU; even though going to GSU is so much closer to my house. Additionally, I am scared shitless about what I am going to do for money during the time that I am school; I have no idea how to supplement my salary without working. I don’t want to take out a shitload of loans, but it seems like that might by my best option as of right now. I wonder how much they let students borrow; especially if they have loads of loans already under their belt? I guess I will find out, and then freak out accordingly. Again, how do people do this?!

I just feel so tied up, and I feel like I am wiggling, and wiggling, but the ropes are only slightly loosening. I just want to get there, and it seems like I have spent over a year of doing nothing but hurrying up to wait more… and all that lies before me is more waiting.

It’s just frustrating. Really, really frustrating. However, I KNOW that I just have to take deep breaths, put a smile on my face, and keep moving. But that doesn’t make it easy to do so. I guess I should just keep repeating that to myself, because days like this, it is really, really hard. Sorry to have a downer of a post, but eh, there it is. I’m dealing, so that’s all I have for you. Maybe something more upbeat will put a real smile on my face soon… here’s hoping.

5SF: june 20

I am kind of pissed today, (ha, kind of), because I just found AGAIN, that they didn’t review my application for the nursing program because of my student status remained unchanged (despite the fact I faxed in the request to have it changed over 10 days ago… and I was told that it would take 5 days MAX to change it). Well, for those that wonder why I am such a pessimist when it comes to trying to make changes in my life, this is a good example of why. Things like this are always happening to me, and it appears that they aren’t stopping. Back to the drawing board, I guess… I am just filled with frustration and anger right now.

But don’t worry, that won’t stop me from bringing 5 songs for today… Here they are:

Lesley Roy – I’m Gone, I’m Going
Whoa. This song is a huge, fantastic SURPRISE!!! It has all of the energy and spunk that I love in groups like Paramore; in fact, the blazing guitar riffs, and the high range of the singer borrow a lot from that sound that I love so much. With this song, this “little Irish girl” is showing us that acts like Kelly Clarkson may have to step up their game, because they are no longer alone in this music scene. If there is any justice in this world, this song is going to be HUGE!!!! I love it and I can’t wait to see what Lesley has in store for us next. I have seen some buzz about her on the internets (specifically over at arjan writes), and all of the buzz seems to be the same; this chick is hot! Here’s hoping her album comes out soon, and we get to see what she’s all about! I like what I’ve heard on her myspace, so if that is any indicator, I can tell you I am definitely looking forward to more from Ms. Roy.

The Wombats – Let’s Dance To Joy Division

While I do think this sounds like they lifted this track off of Jack Penate’s record, I have to say that the blaring similarities in style don’t stop me from liking it. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and regardless of how similar their styles are, I think there is room for both of these guys in the music world. Either way, this is a really high energy rock track, and it really makes you want to get up and dance; hell, that is what the song is about! I will admit, that listening to this song does make me want to go back and listen to Jack some more, but I look at it like this… if your style is going to be very similar to someone else’s, at least I am glad that it is similar to someone that I like, right!?!?!

Anouk – Lost
Holy fuck balls. So You Think You Can Dance is in full swing this year, and just like every year I have watched before, there are always a few songs that the kids dance to that take my breath away. This is one of those songs. It is completely beautiful and amazing. Anouk is one of those artists that I have “been meaning to download” forever, but I have never gotten to it for whatever reason. Well, I can definitely guarantee that I am paying attention now… this song is from a CD that she put out in 2004, and it is amazing. I am definitely looking forward to hearing more from Anouk. Also, I am hoping there are more discoveries like this on SYTYCD this year. Wow.

Alanis Morissette – Torch
I briefly mentioned Alanis’ new album, Flavors of Entanglement last week; however, it was before I was able to truly absorb the record. I was (kind of) surprised to find a really decent effort from Alanis, not because I didn’t think she had it in her, but because of how different and ever changing her music has been in the past. Listening to Flavors, she has reminded me of why I liked her so much in the past; she has some great songs in her catalog, and with this record, she only adds to that list. This, so far, is my favorite song on the record. I love the softness of the song, and how her voice is so beautiful on it. I also love the lyrics. I am glad that Alanis is back! (Although, did she really go anywhere?!?!)

Rachael Yamagata – Reason Why
I can’t believe I am FINALLY featuring this song (I’ve been meaning to, but it kept getting pushed off of the list)! After seeing Rachael open for Sara Bareilles a couple of months ago, I have been absolutely smitten with this track, which in my opinion, is her most beautiful, honest, and touching. While some of her other stuff is a bit heavier than I like, this song is so light and beautiful, that you can’t help but love it. Rachael has some new material out now on an EP, and has a new album coming out this year. I can’t wait to hear it, because I really loved her in concert, and I like this album as well. This is one of those acts that not a lot of people know about, and when you hear them, you wonder why, because the talent is so clearly obvious.

Well, there’s your songs, folks. Here’s hoping I can get some resolution with my school situation. Until then, I guess it’s back to the drawing board. It’s weird how the simple things can be so hard sometimes. Oh well… such is life… my life that is. Happy Friday, y’all.

what do you have against gay people, Katy Perry?

If you don’t know who Katy Perry is, she is the chick that has made a hit out of kissing a girl (even though Jill Sobule did it many years ago, and unlike Perry, didn’t seem to have any issues with it) and then telling the world about it. As much as I wanted to like the song “I Kissed a Girl” (currently #2 on iTunes) by Perry, I initially didn’t feel like it was a good message. She sings about how it feels “wrong”, and even worse, she says that kissing girls isn’t what “good girls do”. However, after looking at the song from a different perspective, I figured that maybe she didn’t mean that at all; in fact, perhaps what good girls don’t do, is cheat on their boyfriends… and in that case, this song is playful, and not grounded in hate at all.

However (and a HUGE however), after checking her out further, and really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt with her “experimentation” with homosexual kissing, I found something that really makes me scratch my head and wonder if there is some problem that Katy has with gay people. She has a song called “Ur So Gay”, which has been called the “ultimate kiss-off” to a boy that was too “full of himself” to give her the time of day. In the song, she describes everything “wrong” with him, building to the conclusion that he must be gay, even though he doesn’t like boys (which, is the actual only ACCURATE use of the word gay… that which is glaringly absent from her song).

While many will see this accurately as a joke, the underlying message is too clear to ignore; Katy sees being gay as wrong, abnormal, and most importantly, as an insult that she uses to make herself feel better for being dissed. What’s wrong with that, some of you may wonder? Well, the underlying message is hate speech, and here again, I can’t believe that we have yet another example of someone using the description of a person’s sexual orientation as a slur of any kind.

Katy dear, this is 2008. We need to stop using gay as an insult; being gay is normal. If you use “gay” as synonym for bad, negative, horrible, stupid, or any of the many other derogatory words it has been used in place of to place insult, then you are propagating and continuing the underlying bigotry that is so fervent in this country. Continuing this form of “hidden” bigotry is just intolerable, and I for one feel like I must continue to speak out against it.

“Artists” like Katy Perry should be confronted with the fact that their “silly, harmless jokes” are grounded in hateful, shameful, and derogatory feelings that only further the bigotry against gay people in this country. It isn’t “cute” or “funny” that she kissed another girl, it is normal; whether or not she can deal with her homosexual feelings is her problem, not ours.

If you don’t see this as a big deal, ask yourself: would it be cute or funny if she wrote a song about how weird it was for her to kiss a black person?? How do you think that would that go over? Additionally, if she were to write a song about how awful a boy was because he was so “stereotypically black”, how would that sound? Well, I know how it would sound, in one word: RACIST. So I want to know why is it okay to apply that same sentiment to gay people?? Clearly, it isn’t, and I honestly can’t believe that this type of message is still put out there; yet here it is.

Shame on you Katy Perry. Grow up. Become more than that stereotypical playground bully. Gain some intelligence (clearly, that is lacking, because being gay means “liking boys” if you are male, and she doesn’t seem to put two and two together in her song) and perspective, and realize that, even in a “joking” manner, that using the term “gay” to insult someone is causing harm to the gay community in perpetuating the very hate and indifference we are fighting so hard to get rid of. I always cling to the hope that people can be better than they are, but it is people like Katy Perry that continually let me down. Unfortunately, there are people out there that are just waiting to gobble this crap up, and morons like Perry are ready to give them more. I have to ask myself, can there truly be a time when we can all stop the name calling, and just see each other as equal? Can their truly be a time when gay people can be treated as the normal people that we are, and not continually insulted and have our lifestyle continually used as a form of degradation? Little things like this really make me wonder if people are truly capable of that at all, unfortunately.

Sigh. Hopefully, she will fade into the distance soon, and people will rightfully forget about her ignorance; even though it is bound to pop up somewhere else.

tuesday the 27th

I figured it is getting a bit redundant to call these posts “random thoughts” every week, so what the fuck, I’ll change it up a bit. Regardless, here’s some random shit stewing in me brain:

  • I pre-ordered Guitar Hero On Tour for the DS today, because I saw it was coming out while I was at Best Buy returning some D-Batteries that weren’t needed. Dude; I so can’t wait for this game. I want it now, but at least with the pre-order I got an exclusive pick-stylus. I can’t wait to rock.
  • I went to Circuit City today to get God of War II, because they have it in their circular for $10, which is 50% off the retail price. That alone is worth the hassle of putting up with one of the worst companies on the planet… or is it? I went, and in typical Circuit City fashion, they didn’t have it in stock; but it wasn’t the fact that they didn’t have it that was my problem. See, I asked an “employee” (I use that term loosely, because he really didn’t do shit) to help me find it. After looking exactly where I did (where it would sit on the shelf), he informed me that they didn’t have any (REALLY, I looked their dipshit, I KNOW there are none on the shelf *face-palm*). What really topped the cake was the fact that he told me that get this… there is NO WAY for them to look up in the computer and even see if there are any copies on site. Excuse me? I loudly mouthed off about the fact that they must be the only large company that doesn’t bother with things like inventory and whatnot to my friend. What really irritates me about that, is not only can you definitely look up and see if there are any on site, but the goddamned website (that I can access at my PC anywhere in the world that has internet capability) can tell me if your store has the fucking game (I went straight from lunch, and I know now I should have looked). I complained at the front, and she apologized, but who fucking cares; Best Buy price matches, and I am going to go get it there after work. Fuck off Circuit City, you are a huge dose of assholes with a dash of mother fucker thrown on top. I don’t know if 50% off can even get me to go back (I say that, but I know I will find myself in there again someday… damn consumerism!).
  • I applied to the Nursing program at Georgia Perimeter today. The application was extremely simple (which surprised me), and I am REALLY nervous about getting in. I really, really, really want to get this degree going on the fast track, and getting in for the Spring would be like the best thing ever. I am totally crossing my fingers and toes for this one.
  • Tonight I am going with friends for dinner and karaoke, and I can guarantee I will do what I always do; I will not be able to decide which song to sing. I can always think of them when I am not really thinking about it, but when I get up to the sign in log, I just draw a blank. Weird. Any thoughts about what I should sing?
  • Three day weekends should pretty much be the standard. Seriously, having Monday off was amazingly awesome. Looking into June and July, I have two instances of “vacation” coming up, and I cannot fucking wait. I am taking James to a secluded cabin for his birthday weekend, and in July, I am going with my buddy John to New York City for 5 whole days. By the gods, I definitely need a break; and I am definitely looking forward to those.
  • I guess that’s about it… but I am sure I will think of 2 more things as soon as I hit publish, so maybe not…. What are y’all up to these days?


So, in a moment of boredom, earlier today I thought of a great idea… look for a potential new theme for this site. During that process, I had another genius idea; upgrade to WordPress 2.5.1!! To be honest, I have no idea what version I was running, but whatever version it was was kind of old, because I haven’t upgraded in a long time; if ever.

So I upgraded. Then the hilarity ensued. I fucked up by not deactivating my plugins, and low and behold, a tag plugin ate the blog. I deleted it, and we are up and running again; but I need to find another plugin I can use for that function (fyi, it was called Ultimate tag warrior). Then, the sidebar was all fucked up. I remember when widgets came on the scene, and being the late adopter I am with some things, I opted to wait it out… that was, until today when it fucked up my shit.

Well, I seem to have fixed it, and I am actually happy that it let’s you do a drop down list of categories and archives… I always thought they made the page look too stuffy. Anyway, I still haven’t found a theme I like (well, other than this one, which is the most beautiful theme I have ever seen… which is rather fitting, I guess, since he invented wordpress), so I might get crazy and try and tweak this one again. Sometimes, I am just never satisfied.


what’s going on with me these days

Basically, I had an “epiphany” yesterday. I put it in quotations, because I have thought about it many times, but it never seemed like such a good idea until yesterday. Basically, I think that I should just focus on getting my RN, and then worrying about the BSN after I am already working in nursing. This way, I can transition quicker, which I REALLY need to do. I am almost terrified of change, but it is so necessary, because I just feel completely lost right now.

This semester is winding down, and I have finals this week and next. I will be so happy to be finished with anatomy, because it is one of the most useless classes ever. The whole point is to weed out those that don’t want it bad enough, and I am just ready to be done with it. I hope that I do well on my lab final, because I completely bombed the midterm, thanks to the distraction of my floors being ripped up that same day.

I was going to write a post about the Kate Nash concert, as well as one about the Feist concert, but it just seems like I don’t have the desire to do very much these days. I had a blast at both shows, and both Kate Nash and Feist were amazing. Also, Hayden opened for Feist, and I was glad to be able to see him after all of these years. All three artists are impressive, and put on great shows.

That’s about it really… just trying to maintain, I guess. Getting out of the bed is harder each day, and if I can come up with a remedy for it; I will market it. Trust me.