Saturday night, some friends and I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather, and chose a restaurant with a big patio (the Midway Pub in the EAV) for dinner. Overall, it was a nice dinner, a friend of mine in from out of town made friends with a neighboring table, and we all had a good time. Until…
As we were eating, some random chick came up and put her hand on James’ and another friend of mine’s backs, and asked us if there was anything that she could do to make our evening any better. We thought that she worked at Midway, because she looked back at the restaurant when she said it, and well, why the fuck else would she be talking to us, asking us if she could make our night better, right? Wrong.
This bitch was drunk off of her ass, and started to molest my friend Brian, and then started making her way around the table, towards me. I had a basket of tater tots sitting in front of me, and she leans in, takes one, and dips in my ketchup on my plate, and eats it. Having had enough of her, I told her that I had boundaries, and that she just crossed one, and needed to back the fuck off.
The best, is that she leans back, and drunkenly says, “Jesus, I eat one fucking hush puppy, and he gets all uppity”. To which I replied, “they are tater tots, dumb ass, and you need to go away right now”.
What is it about me that always attracts these social retards? Seriously, I don’t care how drunk you are, don’t come over to my diner table, and start eating off of my plate, that is not only rude, it is just gross. Personal boundaries are one thing, and social cues are another; this girl clearly had no concept of either. Thank goodness she took my direct instruction to leave us alone, and finally did so.
After she left, my friend joked that she was probably hitting on us, to which I replied, “she clearly had no idea how far up the wrong tree she was barking”. Little does she know, but being a gay man means that I don’t have to put up with drunk straight girls and their antics, and I have no problem saying so.
I don’t think it’s just you. There are obnoxious drunk girls everywhere. That doesn’t make them any less annoying, but there it is.
I’ll bet she thinks she’s adorable when she’s drunk. Her friends probably tell her so, whether just to egg her on in making a fool of herself, or because they’re drunk too.
And who knows, maybe when she hits on straight guys while in that condition, it actually works or something.
I was totally hoping the last paragraph would contain the words “TOTS!” and “right hook”.
I’m so glad this crap doesn’t just happen to me. Drunk girls are the worst and they cockblock to a point where I think about smacking a Bitch! And if you put your hand in my plate you better be fucking me or related to me cause if we are not that close then I don’t want you touching my food. This adorable geeky guy went off a a chick who actually picked my fork up that I was using and got some of my eggs and ate them. I was turning red and about to loose it but he yelled at her before I could. She put my fork down and I used my spoon to eat my hashbrowns and left pissed off. She came outside and asked if she could take a picture with us. He had opened the show she had gone to and I was called up on stage to sing the last song that night with one of my favorite local bands. You know singing at a rock show is so much different than anything I did in Church Choir, Chorus or Theatre. It’s a bit scary! But yeah the Drunk chicks do tend to bark up the wrong trees. I know I’m too cute with my Blue eyes but that in no way means you can unbutton my shirt or sit in my lap when I am talking to guys who I may or may not want to take home with me… Grrr… OK, I’m just saying I feel your pain Duane. ::hug::