Comments on: consider this… http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:10:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: mitch http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28303 mitch Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:18:19 +0000 http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28303 Relationships do take a lot of work and the work has to come from both persons involved. One person can not make a relationship work. People in a realtionship often think they can get the other person to change and I can tell you that will not happen unless the other person wants to change. Another part of a long lasting relationship is understanding that you can not expect a person to change. I do not know the specifics of the problem you are having, but if both of you want it to work it may take some change on both of your parts. Someone once told me that the saying about 1 1=1 in a relationship is totally wrong. You are two different and unique individuals and you have to look at 2 as the total. Relationships do take a lot of work and the work has to come from both persons involved. One person can not make a relationship work. People in a realtionship often think they can get the other person to change and I can tell you that will not happen unless the other person wants to change. Another part of a long lasting relationship is understanding that you can not expect a person to change.
I do not know the specifics of the problem you are having, but if both of you want it to work it may take some change on both of your parts. Someone once told me that the saying about 1 1=1 in a relationship is totally wrong. You are two different and unique individuals and you have to look at 2 as the total.

]]> By: Deb http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28263 Deb Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:32:05 +0000 http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28263 You said it: you have to actually want to change. I'm not seeing that in what you tell me about things. In fact, I see a very much in-your-face statement that he does not intend to change at all. One thing I know for sure, even if you are imperfect yourself, is that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Someone who really respects you would not do either of these recent major offenses. These aren't mistakes and mis-steps: they are deal breakers, lines both of you unanimously decided you would not cross, involving trust and honesty, both of which he crossed, and not accidentally...which is why you are not able to bring yourself to forgive him. You wouldn't cross them. You would never be so disrespectful to someone you love. If you forgive him, what does that really mean? What will he do next? Seems to me he needs to want to change and to actively do something about it. How will you ever rebuild the trust and honesty so essential for going forward is he does not? Couples counseling? I would make it a requirement of going forward. You said it: you have to actually want to change. I’m not seeing that in what you tell me about things. In fact, I see a very much in-your-face statement that he does not intend to change at all.

One thing I know for sure, even if you are imperfect yourself, is that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Someone who really respects you would not do either of these recent major offenses. These aren’t mistakes and mis-steps: they are deal breakers, lines both of you unanimously decided you would not cross, involving trust and honesty, both of which he crossed, and not accidentally…which is why you are not able to bring yourself to forgive him. You wouldn’t cross them. You would never be so disrespectful to someone you love. If you forgive him, what does that really mean? What will he do next?

Seems to me he needs to want to change and to actively do something about it. How will you ever rebuild the trust and honesty so essential for going forward is he does not? Couples counseling? I would make it a requirement of going forward.

]]> By: Rightwing Bugboy http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28217 Rightwing Bugboy Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:26:12 +0000 http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28217 Depending on what happened that warranted an apology and the importance of that thing (reading between the lines, probably not very important), maybe he needs you to understand him better instead of putting a priority on your emotional needs every time something happens. Also consider he might be feeling some guilt that he is having trouble dealing with. Depending on what happened that warranted an apology and the importance of that thing (reading between the lines, probably not very important), maybe he needs you to understand him better instead of putting a priority on your emotional needs every time something happens.

Also consider he might be feeling some guilt that he is having trouble dealing with.

]]> By: duane http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28215 duane Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:00:43 +0000 http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28215 Bugboy, I have to say, that I am not accepting this apology; it just doesn't mean anything, because this is not the first, nor will it be the last time that he did this particular thing. I am just incredibly frustrated. Bugboy, I have to say, that I am not accepting this apology; it just doesn’t mean anything, because this is not the first, nor will it be the last time that he did this particular thing. I am just incredibly frustrated.

]]> By: Rightwing Bugboy http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28214 Rightwing Bugboy Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:52:09 +0000 http://www.duanemoody.com/2008/02/consider-this/#comment-28214 Relationships are hard work. First, you have to WANT to make them succeed, then you have to actually work hard at it. Part of this involves just letting go of the little things that bug you and focus on the really great parts of the relationship. I have a challenge for you: go buy him a bouquet of flowers with a nice little loving note saying "apology accepted." Can you do this? Will you do this? (your response to this might just reveal something about *you*). Relationships are hard work. First, you have to WANT to make them succeed, then you have to actually work hard at it. Part of this involves just letting go of the little things that bug you and focus on the really great parts of the relationship.

I have a challenge for you: go buy him a bouquet of flowers with a nice little loving note saying “apology accepted.” Can you do this? Will you do this? (your response to this might just reveal something about *you*).

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