Perhaps all of the time.
I think that I get my feelings hurt, or am disappointed, because I expect too much. Is it possible, that I put too much thought, guilt, worry, or anxiety into relationships, so much so, that I inadvertently cause the situation to go all weird? I wouldn’t think that this would be the case, because if it were, it would be the standard; and it isn’t.
I mean, I really don’t think that I do any of this outwardly, or even on purpose, but for whatever reason, I feel like there must be something that I do that makes people change. It is the only solution that I can come up with, although, it is really the only one that I can truly substantiate if it is reality. Again, I probably am over-analyzing things, but what if I am not? What if there is something that I do, something small, that causes these changes in my relationships with other people?
Maybe I expect too much. I don’t think that I do, but maybe I do… Maybe that is more of the problem than the actual situations that I find myself in from time to time; expecting too much will always mean that I am the one that is let down. I don’t know how I find myself here all of the time, but here I am, and it really upsets me. It really breaks you down to feel this way so much, and very rarely gain any resolve for the situation.
So why do I keep doing it? Why can’t I stop thinking for one minute, and just let things travel on their own? I honestly don’t know, but I know that I have always been this way, and if it is the problem, it is more than frustrating; it is debilitating and very upsetting, especially because it is unconscious. I want to just exist in a place where I am involved with people that understand me, and I don’t spend a lot of my time over-analyzing actions, words, or the lack of either. I don’t think that it is paranoia, because I am definitely experiencing it; but I do think that it could be that I expect too much sometimes.
I’m just going to put on my headphones, listen to some music, and try to forget myself for a little while. I am clearly thinking too much this morning. To top it all off, Sydney isn’t feeling well, and we had to take him into the vet yesterday for an IV and some tests. After they brought him out, I was holding him, and he just pissed all over me; without warning. Poor little guy. I just hope that he is feeling better soon… I know that my wallet would be happier as well.
Speaking specifically of our little clique, I recognize the personality traits in all of us that determine how people react to us. And none of them where immediately apparent. You have to get to know the people and really pay attention to understand them.
Yours are complex, and I don’t completely understand them yet. You are someone who I would have never been friends with had I not spent as much time with you as I have. But now that I have a better idea of how you operate, I understand… or at least try to understand why you do what you do.. and not just say “wtf is that crazy bastard doing?” as I would have done if I didn’t know you as well. You are someone who is completely different than the face-value impression.
And though I don’t know specifically what you’re referring to(as you tend to be kind of cryptic when you’re talking about your friends), you are not the reason for your friends changing. There are several factors involved in that always. But if they are changing their attitudes towards you, I would make a good effort to find out why. Things like this are why I try to drive home the honesty thing. Anyone around me has been confronted with it at one time or another. I want to know how people feel about me.. truthfully. I won’t want your feeling-sparing bullshit.. give it to me straight. That’s what I do for other people(as you’ve been witness to and target of more than once), and that’s what I expect. It’s the only way I know how to operate and know where I stand with people.
And though I’m sure this story doesn’t help that much, the basic point of it is to ask. “Why are you changing? What is different? Did I do something wrong?” And keep your ears open for signs of backtracking or bullshit to spare your feelings.
And with what you learn from that, you can use it mold the person that you are into someone who isn’t as off putting as you feel that you are. Or if it’s something that you feel that is good about you and something you don’t want to change, make an effort to befriend people who appreciate that quality. Or at the very least, warn them ahead of time(which is the tactic I employ).
I don’t really know what the situation you’re referring to is, but you don’t have to worry about making things weird from my end. I’m ok with the Duane I know. And a couple of weird moments here and there wouldn’t change that.
We are much alike.
I often ask myself the same thing, “Am I expecting too much?”
And I must because I always get the shit end of the deal.
Yet I never expect more out of anyone else than I expect out of myself but it always turns out in the end that if I had just expected far less that things would have been okay and then I would have felt like shit. So then you have to ask yourself if it was really worth trading in your values and standards.
I’m having one of these days as well…
Joey, I appreciate what you said. Also, you are correct that it isn’t about you, and just so you know, you are one of the reasons that I know that it can’t be just me, as I mentioned with the lack of a “standard”. I appreciate our friendship totally, and will always do my best to communicate with you and be honest; I know that you totally reciprocate, and that is something I honestly appreciate and thank you for.
Shan, it is weird how sometimes you end up thinking about these things, right? I guess I am just thinking too much today, because I really have to believe that it can’t just be me. However, if it is, at least in some part, then I would really like to know that, so I can adjust accordingly, you know?
Duane, you know where I stand on this – you only have to make yourself happy and nobody else. People change everyday and sometimes they forget to tell those around them. It’s kind of like life and how the rules change without notice.
I give 100% to my friends and yes, I’m let down more times than not by their lack of respect for me and my feelings. I do and give to my friends (anyone in my life I consider close for that matter) no strings attached but I find myself very let down at times by their actions or lack of actions.
All relationships and friendships require work and adjustments along the way. It should be give and take without one side getting hurt all the time – if that occurs it’s called being taken advantage of and feelings are hurt. If something has changed you need to communicate with the person to see what went wrong. You are a sensitive person and could just be reading too much into the situation. Again, you only have to make yourself happy – nobody else!!
Wendy, you are totally right. I know that me thinking too much, and reading too much into things is definitely part of it, but I just think that I do expect too much, which always leaves me in that situation. Weird. I guess I am just weird.
It’s alright – I do the same. A lot of this has to do with the way we grew up. How love,friendship and family were defined to us and now how we stress over making everything right in our world. We can only control so much – you need to get yourself back into balance – center yourself. Just know that it’s ok to worry about things but you also have to remember to let things go – that give and take I talked about earlier – works for yourself too.
And yes, you are weird – but I’m sure the real weird belongs to my side of the family – so we are weird together – that’s wat makes us a Moody!!
Dizzy,
Chin up. Be yourself. You know how you get into those worry spirals, so just cut that shit off at the root when it starts to happen. Your friends are your friends because of who you are and everyone has disagreements. Right? Maybe I’m over-simplifying. Watch THE LAST UNICORN again and let it inform your life. No, I’m not kidding.
Swizzle, you rock! I miss you! I can’t wait to see you!
awww I love the last unicorn. Duane we should totally watch that.
Duane,
I hope you and Sydney are both feeling better!!!!
Best of thoughts for Sydney, sir. And for you.
Great blog! I just added you to my blogroll at qlipp.com.
Eric
eric@qlipp.com
Damn straight!
Hi Duane,
How surreal it is to peak into your parallel delima. I am an idealist with high personal expectations, I suspect that you may be too.
Often, I find myself using subtle techniques to manage situations to gain a more positive outcome and I do this constructively (in my mind) for the greater good.I belive that I only use my powers for good. But If I don’t consider the option to do nothing at all then I have overlooked a possibility.
I have come to accept not only the limits of my own understanding but also the limited value of understanding itself. Accepting can reach places in the human condition that understanding cannot. I do identify with you Duane and think I am going to watch the last unicorn too.
P . S . OMG You are such a total Virgo I knew it. So am I!