I hate being a gay man over 30: everyone wants you to be invisible. I get sick of being called a pedo if I try to talk to younger person (and I mean talk, not hit on).

When I was younger and being gay was illegal, I never saw any of this agism. The older guys showed the younger ones the ropes: where to go, how to avoid the cops etc. We all partied and went to bars together etc. We young ones didn’t look at older gay men and think of them as dirty old men or pedos.

It’s got to the stage I never go out any more and life has become very lonely especially since I moved a few years ago and left my own age friends behind.

Second, don’t totally give up. There are others like you out there. You will find someone, even though you don’t have to have anyone to make you happy, it is something you should stay open to. Sounds like you have a lot to offer, and I just would hate to see a great guy get so turned off by the bad ones that he closes himself off to the good ones. Thanks for the comment, and the insight; it’s so great to know that we aren’t all playing the gay games.

I have posted to my blog about other activities in a similar, but you’ve both inspired my next essay.

In Toronto, if you want to find the most bunch of shallow, unfeeling, image-obsessed men, check out the on-line hook-up sites, or take a stroll through the gay village.

Do we not face enough crap on a daily basis, that we continue to eat our own?

One quick story to relate

My best friend has cerebral palsy. His childhood was horrendous. His attitude though, is inspiring. But, in trying to date, he said guys would show up, take one look and suddenly remember they left their car lights on, and never returned. The first time we met 15 years ago, his only request was a hug, and that hug lasted for like 30 minutes. He said it was the first time that someone saw beyond his chair. But, for lack of people doing that, he had settled for something with one guy that could best be described as abusive. Finally got him to give that areshole the boot. A few months after, I invited an acquaintance along for a day out for movie, dinner, and fireworks. The two of them hit it off immediately, but, both were too shy to swap numbers, so I did it for them. Three weeks later they moved in together, and they have been partnered for 12 years now. What so many failed to realize is that in that chair is a feeling, breathing, living human being. A co-worker once asked him why he chose to be gay. He said, oh, I chose it, the same way I chose to have CP, why have a small amount of living hell, when I can have a double dose.

It makes me wonder, how many have been in an abusive (physical or emotional) relationship because they didn’t think they could do better because of our obsession with body style and image. And the ones with the biggest hangups are those who cannot pass a mirror without stopping to preen and admire.

Sigh.

Give me a real person, not the plastic people I have seen so many of. I live for intelligent conversation and learning about others and their interests.

Was once set up on a blind date, arrive at the coffee shop to encounter a Dr. Phil wannabee. He starts in with this inquisition, along with pointing out what he saw as what faults of mine that I should improve on. Finally, I said, “you do not pay my bills, therefore, you have no say in how I live my life, therefore, please feel free to f**k off. Nothing worse than a self-hating queen who takes out their venom on anything within arm’s reach.” I said to the person who set up the date, “please do me a favour doll, don’t do me any favours.” I’d rather stick to being single with my two cats. All they ask for is food, water, a clean litter box, and lots of love and bellyrubs. They don’t care if I wear the latest fashions, if I have the perfect hair style or colour, if I look like I spend my every free moment sweating and straining in the gym, what kind of car I drive, or how I choose to live my life, or what part of the city I live that life in. They know when my back is at it’s worst and I cannot pick them up (read my post on bullying to get the whole story on the damage done to my spine by bullies).

Bitter? Oh, I have my moments. Does it colour my every waking moment? No. It comes forth mostly when I hear of this kind of crap. I had my first successful career in the world of finance for almost 20 years (where being gay was enough to get you shown the door, and still is in some companies). Now I’m happy in my second career, I’ve had my wrtings published, and it’s more rewarding than the previous career. Do I date? No. Stepped away from it, I was just so fed up and disgusted. And if the desires are strong, all I need are two hands and a vivid imagination. I have my friends, and I have met many other great people in the blogosphere. I’ll leave the plastic people to inhabit the bars and clubs and live their life of loathing and one-night stands. One day they will take their head of out their ass long enough for a breath of fresh air and a dose of reality, rather than inhaling their own flatulence and poisoning anyone within reach.

And that is the saddest thing of all. Here we are trying so hard to further the cause of the community within society at large, and yet we can not even embrace each other. Until we can really call ourselves a community, we are in for a very long fight.

But in reality, I just posted that so people would tell me I look good. And in worked! Thanks, Joey. And Duane! ;o)

Doesn’t look like he has much to worry about in the looks department.

Exactly!

And thanks for the heads up about the link. D’oh!

Also, is that your buddy Vince in the picture on the right of his blog? O_o Doesn’t look like he has much to worry about in the looks department.