Let’s play nice, alright?
It has come to my attention that there are people that read my blog, comment on my blog, and want to comment on my blog that feel a certain and specific sense of unnecessary negative attack from those that defend their points so vigorously, that they feel the need to personally attack people, and make others seem like idiots in order to “prove their point”. I wish I didn’t need to say anything, because I honestly believe that when people argue in that style, that it makes them seem like the juvenile ones, or the idiots themselves (since this is the only way they feel they can emerge victorious from debate), but since it has been addressed to me personally by someone who reads my blog, I feel the need to say this:
Don’t attack the people that read or comment my blog personally because they don’t agree with your opinions. Stick to the point, and actually argue your position; by sticking to the subject, and refraining from calling people terrorists because they don’t agree with you, or continually saying “LIBERAL” at the top of your lungs to future hammer home how crazy they are, instead of coming across as a narrow minded asshole, you will actually come across as educated and able to offer a different opinion. This type of debate and dialogue is much more productive in trying to get each side to see the potential for truth in a differing of opinion, and is much more fruitful. Let’s face it, if you say, “I’m right, and you’re wrong because you are a terrorist sympathizing idiotic asshole”, I don’t care if you are pointing out that the sky is blue, you have instantly turned me off to your opinion because you are trying to belittle me into believing it. That doesn’t work, and takes away any ability for you to seem credible and actually argue an opinion that may have factual points. Again, taking a stance with dialogue that does NOT resort to a personal attack on people that may share the same views as I do is essential to future commenting here on this blog; because you don’t have to do that to prove a point… people are more likely to believe you if you stick to the facts and stay away from attacking their intelligence.
So here’s what I want to see in the future: Argue all you want, feel free to say what you want, but please refrain from going for the throat and personally attacking people that don’t agree with you. It makes them want to ignore you, and honestly, it makes you seem like a bully, and in fact, provides us with evidence that a bully is probably what you actually are. I know that you probably don’t want that, and I know that I would rather see a productive dialogue, rather than see a finger pointing shout fest. I personally hope that everyone can hold a certain code of conduct with regards to arguing their opinion, and refrain from personally attacking other people in the future; all under the guise of “well, I’m right and they aren’t”; because it is clear to me, that it is turning people OFF. What we want, instead, is a dialogue, okay?
The best way to get someone to ignore what you are saying is to continually insult them or their intelligence when you argue your points; that is something that needs to be realized and accommodated for in future debates, okay? I hope that this post will foster more productive, and less personally attacking debates; I want everyone to be heard without fear of personal derogatory attacks for no reason other than disagreement. The most important point of this post, is that those personal attacks are not only unnecessary, they are just bullying tactics that people use to defend themselves when they realize they may be wrong, or don’t want to see that someone else could be right. I know that certainly, no one wants that to be the way they come across, now, right?
So, for the future, let’s play nice, kids! Everyone deserves the respect that you are given, so think about that when you argue!
You seem to be focusing exclusively on a few things I’ve said while at the same time ignoring all of the nasty things said about me.
In fact, look at what she (and you) said about me (“bully”, “unstable”, “idiot”, “asshole”, “juvenile”). Oh sure, your rules of conduct apply to all, but somehow I don’t really believe you would have intervened if I hadn’t “attacked” her with my one suggestion.
I really thought that suggesting to her that she develop her mind a little more than what she admitted to was appropriate, even if it wasn’t considered nice or flattering. I even followed that up with a book suggestion. How can anyone look at what she said and not be stunned?
Anyway, it looks like a lot of people think intolerance and closed-mindedness apply only to other people.
Actually, bugboy, this is exactly why I wrote the post; you may feel attacked as well, and that doesn’t fly either.
People usually defend themselves when they feel attacked, and I feel like that is a lot of what is going on around here. Instead of taking ownership of your use of the attack, you turn the focus onto someone else, and that shows that you don’t seem willing to take ownership of your remarks.
There comes a time when you need to stop pointing the finger, and realize that if you make attacks, then you need to stop. If others are attacking you, they need to stop. Just stick to the issues, and quit with the “he said, she said” stuff; it is getting old for everyone involved, obviously.
There’s this person who proposes a blogger’s code of conduct. Reading the ad hominen attacks from some readers does get tiresome (and even annoying), but I do think this code is a bad idea. Being nice is something you shouldn’t have to say at all-it’s common sense. Freedom of speech is more important to me. I enjoy reading your blog and I hope it continues to be a fun and informative reading experience. Don’t let the f’ers get you down.
So does calling someone a “self-loathing” homosexual not qualify as a personal attack? Practice what you preach, nancyboy.
I just have to say that I read many blogs but I have never seen such angst as on this one! It doesn’t seem like anyone wants to get along and everyone wants to just disagree. Though it does make me want to stop and read all the posts to see what is going on, I do think everyone should be a little nicer to one another. And sometimes just agree to disagree.
I think I know why.
atlmalcontent, I should have known that I was going to hear from your ass; basically, you got it totally wrong, sweetheart, this post is in regards to people that comment on my blog, and those that read it, not me. You can be as mean as you want to me, and I don’t even give a shit, as I have said before, but don’t expect me to field your hateful comments.
In addition, you know it is interesting that you accuse me of calling you self-loathing as the antithesis of this post, when I called you that on YOUR blog. And, I did so, because you were being self loathing, not because I was trying to be mean and argue that I was write over your self-loathing wrongness.
I think that the main point here, is that there are people like you and Bugboy that are never, ever going to learn how to argue a point without being a complete and utter PRICK (which isn’t an attack, so much as it is the tactic with which you speak down to, and make fun of others), and I just don’t want you attacking my readers with the same tenacity with which you come after me. Say whatever you want to me, but leave my commenter’s alone. But, I am sure that you were never thinking of letting up on me anyway, it is obvious that you are so in love with me that you can’t stay away; as we established a while back.
And, by “leave them alone”, I mean, stick to the point, and stop going for the throat; but I am beginning to believe that this is the only way people like you guys know how to argue anything.
Calling someone self-loathing isn’t hateful? Remember who threw the first stone. I think I’m responsible for half the visitors to your blog; they read you for the unintentional humor provided through your self-absorbed whining. “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable with my new Ipod skin. Whatever shall I do?”
I’ve never attacked someone without first being attacked. No preemptive doctrine here. I’d call you my nemesis, but you really aren’t qualified.
And by the way, you’re way too fat for me. I am a bully, after all — might as well live up to my reputation.
Also, how can one be self-loathing and arrogant (as you’ve also called me) at the same time. Am I thus schizophreic?
So acting like a prick is different from being a prick? So is this somehow a loophole to your “play nice” rule? I can say a certain somebody was ACTING like they don’t have much brain power and that’s ok and not the same as saying they HAVE no brain power? I mean, if there’s a loophole then I want access to it, too.
Besides, most of what I do has not been any kind of name calling but very well thought out defenses of my arguments and critiques of others. I think my proving people wrong to their faces has ruffled a few feathers, no? It seems like that has been your problem with me all along–that I don’t agree with you and am able to prove my case. Being challenged is something some people just don’t like. I can sense the frustration has spilled over to a bunch of bogus charges and accusation, and name-calling. I read things you say about me and think “what part did he not understand”.
And now you basically call me a prick after saying “play nice”. If you look back over the past few days you will see me calling you maybe nothing and maybe a few names (I don’t remember), but you will definitely see you engaging in a TON of name calling. And you call me a prick. Like with most things you say, there is projection all over the joint.
WOW! What an ego! Talk about delusions of grandeur! I bet that there are a majority of my regular readers that would never like to see “atlmalcontent” before a comment. Dude, you are a polarizer, and you know it. You don’t make my readers happy, and you certainly don’t paint me as a whiner, in fact, you show yourself as that very thing.
It is interesting that you continually come back and prove me right about that too… It makes me really wonder about you. Considering your discontent with society and your own life, since it isn’t self-loathing as you say, I wonder why you are so unhappy that you have to make fun of my ability to think about serious things and un-serious things. This is what leads me to believe that you must have some internal jealousy issues, or you must be in love with me; because if I am really as trite as you say, you wouldn’t continue to engage me.
I honestly think that it is a little bit flattering that I can continually pull you in with a comment about Hilary Duff, because if it really were so trivial, you wouldn’t continually talk about. What is more trivial, talking about things that aren’t serious that make you happy, or making fun of those that talk about things that aren’t serious that allows them to let loose from this crazy world we live in? I have my thoughts on it, and that is when the flattery ends, and the feeling sorry for you begins.
You need me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t say anything at all. If you don’t have me to make fun of, you have more time to focus on how unhappy you are. I am glad that I can help you out! See you next time!
Oh shut up Duane you liberal hippie punk.
Bugboy:
Thanks for proving that you MISSED my point. Basically, if you would read what I say, and listen, you would realize that you will never garner attention and an open ear if you continually degrade and make fun of people. It invalidates your point.
I am totally fine with you disagreeing with me, and in fact, you have actually convinced me to change my opinion on something in the past; something you should remember. But, over time you have become more combative and more of a “prick” as I pointed out. I just think that you are above that, but if you aren’t, then that’s fine, just keep it to yourself and away from my commenter’s, please.
Finally, if you think that I am projecting, you must realize, that I have become so frustrated with your manner of arguing, that I usually just completely ignore half or more of what you say, because it goes around and around in this shame circle; you prove your point through insults. I am getting tired of it, and that is why I wrote this post. I never denied that I called people names, and say things, the post is in regards to my commenters. Again, say what you want to me or about me, I can take it, but don’t be like that to my commenters, because they don’t deserve it. The sad thing is, that it just frustrates everyone, and no one wants to end up discussing the actual issue, or read anymore, because of this manner of bickering.
Just a thought.
Yet you still have not said one word about what she said about me. Those were pretty vicious words, don’t you think????
Which brings us back to the question “why” if other people are engaging in the same behavior. Like I said, you don’t seem to like being proven wrong. I sense that from you and a few other people here.
I suggested she develop her mind, etc, and I don’t think that qualifies as “continually degrading people”. However, that is what you and others have done to me.
I feel that I am due an apology.
That sounds extremely whiny. Ask her for the apology, but you both should stop. And just so you know, when you attacked her kids, that is when the shit hit the fan. That was not cool, and you owe her an apology for that, big time.
What attack on her kids? I asked something about medicine?
Duane, I need you like I need cancer. If I had a dollar for every time you contradict yourself … Why do I keep coming back? ‘Cause I enjoy picking on you. You deserve it. You symbolize what’s wrong with America: uninformed, self-absorbed and whiny. But no worries, I’m giving you up, just as you should give up fatty foods. You’re a bad habit.
Good Bye Atlmalcontent – been nice knowing ya.
ah, the enlightenment that is atlmalcontent. We “underlings” should bow to such enlightened brilliance.
I predict you will be back sooner than you think. You can’t stay away. And, if you want me like you want cancer, I am sure that you want a really curable kind so that you can talk about it over and over and over and over and over…
God, I have never had this big of an admirer!! I am seriously blushing right now, ya’llz! I am the fucking hotness!
And atlmalcontent, since I am so uninformed, you should make sure in the future, when you use a list in a sentence that requires commas, that you use one between the second to last item on that list and the “and”; because what you did was grammatically incorrect. But as you pointed out, I am uninformed, so eh, take it with a grain of salt.
Enjoy you some duane baby. I know you can’t get enough.
Bug boy, I owe you an apology. I didn’t realize when you referred to my illogical thought and lack of brain power that you were just trying to suggest I develop my mind (duh, I guess I thought that was an insult, I’m sorry for over-reacting – a little PMS, I guess). I totally didn’t understand that you had my best interests as a well-informed liberal at heart. I misread you when you told me I crush my children or hype them on pain meds (was that humor for my lack of commas? I guess I just thought that was asinine and juvenile and unnecessarily vicious). And when you compared my right to free speech and middle-of-the-road liberal ways as being so dangerous that I was actually a threat to America and an asset to the terrorists. Damn. I totally misread that one. I took great offense at that one. I didn’t realize you were just trying to enlighten me, challenge me, engage me on the issues, point out to me how I was deliberately undermining the war against terror by commenting on Duane’s little ol’ blog. I guess I am not used to your technique. Sort of like blogging bootcamp, or scared straight for liberals (no pun intended). So, as you can tell, I had all these great emotional reactions – totally real for me. So, sorry for going all Xena on you. I should have been the better person about it. After all, I am a liberal.
Anyhoo – thanks for the book recommendation. I will check it out.
Apology accepted.
woo hoo! As Paula Abdul said, “It’s the promise of a new day!”.
Hey Duane, if things get too hectic, there is always the option to turn off comments… That tends to stop arguments dead in their tracks
true, but I really don’t want to censor people. I want people to be able to talk about things; I just don’t want it to get to the point that people are upset, or aren’t reading anymore because of a few bad comments.
I think we can all behave, though. What can I say, I am the eternal optimist!
But what does it mean to “behave?” Sounds like you want discourse and honest opinion but only if those things are consistent with your rosy, optimistic and (sorry) naive concept of the world.
I mean, sheesh, I hafta admit that your responses, Duane, do have the tone of an irritated twelve-year-old girl. Characterizing someone as “mean” is something a middle-schooler would do…
Erik, you are certainly entitled to your opinion, but this post is specifically geared towards people attacking my readers and commenters personally. I don’t care how “mean” you are to me, as I said in the post, I can take it, but I don’t think that my commenters deserve to be attacked personally because they disagree with an opinion.
I personally see that as being more respective and more mature, but if you see it as middle school, that’s your bag, I guess.
Rule of thumb: “The lack of an audience is a crazy person’s
worst nightmare.”