It started innocently enough, it started with a plan to spend the day together.
Things were going great; playing video games, going to visit some friends, planning what to eat for dinner, and talking about what movies to watch.
The evening went on, you cooked me dinner, and we watch our shows together. The day went so well, and I have had such a good time, with you.
And then you did it. You let your insecurities go too far. You asked me if I had faked being happy. You asked me if I had faked being happy. You wanted to know whether I would rather have spent my time somewhere else, or with someone else. But what you didn’t know, is that I was happy, and I was right where I wanted to be.
When things start out so well, we don’t know where they will go. Hopefully, they can just happen, and we can just be together and enjoy it is for what it is; but that didn’t happen this time. You let your insecurities get the better of you, and what happened, is, even though you said you were sorry, they hurt me. What you should know, is that you have no reason to be insecure with me, I love you. I am not going to change that; but I can’t go on being second guessed. I understand a reason to be weary of love; it involves taking a huge gamble, but you have already won, there is no reason to worry. I need you to know that I can’t have you wondering if I would rather be elsewhere when I am with you. If I do want to be somewhere else, I will tell you, and I hope that will be okay, but that was not the case with today.
I believe there is definitely more work that we are going to have to do here. Definitely.
I just wish that we could co-exist, and have our time we spend together be good, and time we spend apart be good as well. I just wish that I could have some space when I need it, and it not carry the price of hurting you, or making you feel insecure; even during the times I am standing right beside you. I just wish…
I am not sure if this helps at all but you are not the first couple to deal with this type of problem. But I am sure you knew that already. However I don,t think that you realize that the insecurities he is having are a sign of how much he loves you . Maybe a warped and twisted way to show it but a way just the same. If he didn’t love you as much as he did he would have no reason to be insecure. Im just saying ..I hope it gets better for ya,take care of yourself and each other !!!
What an envyable problem to have. At least you have somebody to love you. Not only that, someone who wants to impress you so bad he second guesses things you might be thinking out of concern that he’s not pleasing you. You have no idea how jealous (in a good way, not bad, as I am happy for both of you) I got as I read your post.
I guess it’s just a matter of perspective. Your complaints really pale to loneliness. My suggestion to you is to snap out of the self-absorption and enjoy all of the things that you have. Go buy that boy a bouquet of roses and box of Godiva chocolates and tell him exactly how you felt as you spent the day with him!!! RUN!!!
Also…if you don’t mind my asking…how did you meet each other? What do you consider good places/techniques to find someone (who isn’t a druggie or loser)? I ask because I’d love to find someone who cares about what I am feeling so I can have the same “problems” you have.
You know I love you. Please forgive me for my moment of insecurity. We all have them once in while, even you. I told you why I felt that way and I asked forgiveness. I called and apologized at least four times, I came home during lunch, and brought your food. Please accept my heart felt apology and know I love you.
Bugboy, while I definitely do see where you are coming from, mistrust, or even the lack of trust is a dangerous thing to have in a relationship; without which, it ceases to be a relationship. I see how this can be a good thing, that he loves me so much and cares, but he shouldn’t turn that into hurtful accusations, and assume that the time I spend with him, I am pretending to be happy.
I met James at a bar, where I was working as a HIV specialist handing out condoms. He came over and talked to me about helping his kids (as he is a teacher), and we developed a friendship from there. We became friends because I was dating someone when we met, and then about 8 months later, we just started dating. We have been together almost 3 and 1/2 years, so I guess I picked the right friend to go further with! So I guess, looking at your friends might be a place to start (if they share the same feelings… which I knew he did before I made a move)? Other than that, I don’t think there is a “place” necessarily to meet people. BUT, if I were single, I would probably try meeting people online, as I have made some very GREAT friends through meeting people online. Just a thought.
And yes, “man in question” aka, James, I do love you. I wrote this because I do love you so much, that my frustration and hurt would not equal hate and retaliation. I accept your apology, and hope that you will trust my love and action in the future; because I do love you very much.
1. “… had faked being happy”
2. apologized
3. came home during lunch
4. brought your food
Mistrust? What you are characterizing as mistrust, I see as devotion. All of those things above show concern on some level for you. I can understand your feelings, as sometimes things people say can hit you the wrong way, especially when it involves questioning your feelings for him. But it looks to me like he made an itty bitty slip up. So quit dwelling (quit CHOOSING to dwell?) inside this negativity about the whole thing.
Imagine if you had slipped up and said something similar to him. Would he be reacting the same way? How would you want him to react?
Anyway, I guess you’re suggesting I walk around a bar and hand out condoms, eh? Hell, it’s worth a shot.
Bugboy, while I understand the way you see it, if the tables were turned, I think you would understand my side. I did forgive him, but it still feels shitty to know that someone doesn’t take as you being genuine because of made up insecurities. I know he loves me, and I am grateful for that! And, know that I would never say anything like that to him, because I trust that he loves me, and acts like it.
And handing out condoms is a great way to meet people! You already start the sex talk when you hand them a rubber!!!
I’m a bit taken back by all of this - kinda like bugboy… envious in a good way, devotion, etc.
Only knowing you through this web portal & the limited number of comments I make here (plus no blog) handicaps you in understanding the way I communicate… so take this with a grain of salt, but understand it to be sincere…
This might be painful to read… but are you really so sure that it’s not your own insecurities Duane that throw off your perception of the intent of James’ question?
Your site is threaded with admission of your insecurities in different areas of your life… there was even a recent post about wanting to do your own thing sometimes instead of hanging out with James (a healthy need)…
In summary, I think James asked an honest question & in turn you reassured him of a very positive thing — you preferred to spend & enjoy that time with him. Unfortunately, the fact that he asked left a sour taste in your mouth…
Now another “salt” statement — be glad he asked you instead of running with misconceptions… suck it up, be a big boy & enjoy what you have with James… not all of us are so lucky…. there are probably some great ways out there to deal with those doubts that a professional could help out with..
And how about passing my e-mail address along to bugboy?
I might not be able to recognize him amongst all the guys that will now hit the bars, passing out rubbers…
cjg… I sent him your email.
What web sites do you recommend for meeting local people (besides yours)?
And what brand of condoms
Hmm… Bugboy, since I have never met anyone romantically online, I really don’t know where to steer you. I would say that the people I met online have blogs, and finding other gay bloggers might be a place to start. I don’t know many gay bloggers from ATL though, so I don’t know how you would go about doing that; but I am sure that you can find something, as I haven’t really been actively seeking gay people out in this way. Also, I know a lot of gay people through livejournal, and that is definitely a good networking place. I would try there!!! If you do, add me as a friend :).
Also, condoms… I would go with trojan every time!!! But, those joe lube ones are supposed to be cool; and they are made here in ATL!