Hey Duane, Did you see Heros Last night? Did you Love it or what? I liked it. But, then I liked Kyle XY also. ::Glomp::

It does not mean you are actually going to run out and of it,

Should be, “run out and DO it”

Maybe that old line is true: ‘you can look, but you sure as shit had better not touch - or even think about it.’

I understand the sentiment there, but to my mind, the “not touching” part is what really matters. Do I sometimes think about having sex with other people? Of course! I’m human after all! And, although I’ll let the GDBF speak for himself if he so chooses, I’m pretty damn sure he thinks about having sex with other people sometimes, too. It’s called fantasy. It’s healthy. It does not mean you are actually going to run out and of it, or that you actually even want to run out and do it. And furthermore, ignoring or attempting to deny these feelings/thougts when you have them is unhealthy.

Now, in case someone comes along and starts talking about, “Isn’t it emotional infidelity if your partner is constantly thinking about someone else when s/he is fucking you?” Yeah, it probably is. But notice I said sometimes, not always. Big difference. And, ultimately, since you can’t know what’s in another person’s mind, you have to trust them and take them at their word. Which can be really freakin’ scary, but… there it is.

I usually take it as a sign that I’m not really into someone I’m dating if I find myself looking at other guys because all of my longest relationships were with people where I didn’t find myself looking at anyone else.

I know that definately doesn’t apply to everyone, but it just seems to be the way I am.

Great post. I comment here all the time, but don’t want to put my name/blog url up there for obvious reasons. When I met my BF, whom I now live with, something changed. First, after we met, I deleted all my on-line profiles (I think I had like 4 of ‘em) and I noticed that I didn’t look at other guys the same way I used to. Sure, I notice an attractive guy, but not the way I used to, because the guy I have is all the man I need and want. However… big however, even though we’re working things out, I found out he cheated - twice - while we were still doing the long distance thing. I was (still am, kinda) devastated, but I love him with all my heart and I don’t doubt for a minute that he loves me and we both feel what we have is something worth salvaging. I mean, fuck, I moved almost 2000 miles to be with him even after I found out. I think he knows it makes me feel un-comfortable when he sees an attractive guy and I notice when he notices, but he keeps it low-key. Does it make me feel un-comfortable? After I know what he’s done, you better believe it. Maybe that old line is true: ‘you can look, but you sure as shit had better not touch - or even think about it.’ We’ve set some boundaries - something we should’ve done at the beginning: He does it again; I’m gone. If I find him in chat rooms chatting with other guys; I’m gone. People make mistakes and I’ve given him another chance. That other old line ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ sticks with me damn near every day and he knows it. We talk a lot. We cry a lot. We’re working through it, but he knows the boundaries now and also knows the fact that I won’t be shit on twice. Again, good post. *end of rant*