Last night, I stayed up until 2:30 in order to finish the God of War game I played all day on Sunday. I managed to beat the game, but find that my insatiable new hunger for video games has grown. I have been looking this morning, and have already found new titles to get into. Perhaps I like to play these games because I zone out and forget about all of the problems I am presently going through. Perhaps. Either way, I don’t care how much of a nerd it makes me, I have fallen back in love with my PS2.
I honestly wish I could shake off whatever bad water this is clinging to me. I feel like everything is going on around me, and I am powerless to react, interact, or change any of it; all while being unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Certain aspects of my life are great (mainly James), but other things just drag the very life right out of me; and I can’t seem to make any changes. I just wish I could figure out what to do to make it stop. I just want to be my old self again, or better yet, a new me that can do, can react, and can interact.
I feel the need to apologize to my fellow bloggers, who probably wonder if I even read their pages anymore. It is almost like food has lost all taste to me, and I can’t seem to figure out how to get it back. Just know that this is kind of my whimper of a try to hold on to something. Speak about something that I can’t seem to control, and let you know that I am still here, even if I am barely breathing. I still care, and I want to do more, but I just can’t. Not right now. Hopefully that will change, and even more hopefully, you will all still be there when it does. Thanks for listening.
Honey, I know just what you’re going through, really. Its like you get one part of your life going well, and everything else starts falling horribly apart, and you don’t know how to fix those pieces without risking what you’ve already fixed… or maybe that’s just me. Who knows.
Been there… I don’t have any advice or words of wisdom for you, but just thought it might help to hear you’re not alone in going thru this kind of thing. It always helps me anyway.
Everyone goes through that whole “Why am I here?!” blogger’s phase, where you decide ten times a day you’re going to quit, and then think of something really cool to blog about, but you put it off, and then you forget to blog about the really cool thing and finally you forget what the really cool thing was, at which point you post an entry with a sentence that rivals the endurance of Forrest Gump and decide to tell people that you’re not dead, that you haven’t quit, that you’re just slightly apathetic at the moment and a little listless from lack of social stimulation, so you’re contemplating either closing down the blog or maybe just having a Vanilla Coke and seeing if that fixes things while you realise you actually had a lot to say about nothing and it all came out in one gret big grammatical catastrophe?…
Or is that just me?
greg, there’s actually no risk of “closing down the blog”, it was more of a reason why I don’t seem myself to those that may (or may not) notice (or care). I ain’t going anywhere; but I may be a little vacant/absent while I am here for a while!
Hey, just so long as you drag your ass to the APWBWGTTD shindig on Thursday, you can do whatever you wont (or not)
Man, I need to stop typing so fast, my quasi-dyslexia is becoming very prominent nowadays (almost typed mowadays there for example)
You need to puff some cheeba and you’ll be fine
To your first point, the PS2: Buy Guitar Hero or let’s have that APWBWGTTD Guitar Hero par-tay. That, my friend, would cheer up the dead.
To your second point, know that James loves you (and so do your fellow bloggers) and we’re here to help, if only by listening.
Well, I wish I could come over and sit on your couch and watch to play the PS2. I am HORRIBLE at video games and I buy them and try and try and try and never get past level 2. So I never get to see all the game has to offer. Sometimes I would just like to at least SEE the end of a game!! I hope you get to feeling like your old self again! I know, I go through horrible mood swings and it is awful. But I am thinking about you!
I think there is something to the term quarter life crisis. It’s like a second coming of age with family, career, and personal role changes with greater consequences. I know that the current Bloghungry sex tape scandal that my blog is facing has really made it difficult to face the world in the blogging forum as well.
Okay, I’m not blaming you for my descent into the madness that is Call to Power 2, but I would have forgotten that I had it in a little Ikea box next to my desk for at least another six months if you hadn’t reminded me of the drug addiction that is these kind of games. Then I started playing it. I lost all of Sunday. I’m trying to be better about it now–setting my alarm so that I only play for an hour. So, far it’s been keeping me to an hour and a half…