I am just curious to find out from all of you out there what your thoughts are on this subject. I for one, was not talked to by my parents about sex, and as probably somewhat of a result, I have a very weird view of sex. I used to see it as deviant, as something that you only did when you were married, and as something that I was very uncomfortable with. Not anymore of course, since I took years to work through all of that, and learned that sex was just as natural as the most basic and primal actions we partake in, but it was a journey nonetheless. And was it, at least in part, because I didn’t learn anything about it from my parents? Possibly. Maybe. I’ll never truly know where those views came from, but I do know that being without the knowledge I have about sex now, definitely contributed to those feelings about it from when I was younger until more recently.
More importantly, I give the above question thought because of the state of the world today. If and when I decide to have children many years from now (many), I will want the best for my children. I will dote on them as parents do, and I will do my best to teach them about the world and what I have learned. I will, however, not make the same mistakes my parents made with me (God willing), one of which, includes talking to them and teaching them about their bodies and their natural urges, and God forbid; sex.
I will be that parent that buys my kids condoms, takes my daughter to the OB-GYN, and so on. I will be that parent that tells my kid, “If you run out of condoms, come see me. Don’t be embarrassed, and go unprotected, because I will totally buy them for you.” I will be that parent that talks to my kid, openly, about the consequences of unprotected promiscuous sex. I will be that parent that discusses sexuality, and the varying types of sexual orientation to my kid. I will do this, because I don’t want my kid to be one of the unfortunate victims of the “head in the sand” parents that pretend screaming “ABSTINENCE ONLY” will turn off an engorged clitoris or make an erect penis flaccid. I am not a person that is so diluted as to think that kids aren’t going to be curious about their bodies and urges, and as such, don’t need the protection from adult mentors, in the form of proper education and protection. I will talk to my kids about sex, and even though I go in with the knowledge that it may be an uncomfortable topic (even for me) to discuss with them, I am going to force myself to do it. Because they deserve the truth, in order to protect them from what’s out there.
But what will you guys do? Do you think that there are benefits in talking to your kids about sex? Do you think that it is harmful? Why? Will you also be willing to provide them with birth control and condoms? If not, why not? Will you show them the ins and outs, so that when they do have the opportunity to make a decision, they will chose the safest one? Comment away, I am dying to know. Seriously!
Don’t you think that if your parents had talked to you about sex they would have told you exactly what you grew up to believe in the first place?
My parents didn’t explicitly talk to be about sex but that’s kind of the same thoughts about sex I grew up with as well. Of course, I went to christian breathe down your neck school that was more than willing to teach me that sex was for reproduction only.
My parents never talked to me about sex… my mom is probably still telling herself that I’m a virgin. But honestly, that had no effect on my views about it whatsoever. I think I have a pretty healthy, open view about sex and sexual orientation.
I will totally be open to talking to my kids about it (early!), but won’t push if they’re not ready. Maybe that’s the teacher in me? And of course, I would provide them with birth control. I’d rather have them trust me than a stranger.
I will (if I have children) talk to my kids openly about sex and like you I wasn’t talked to about it. Although I never thought of it as dirty or a bad thing…I was just completely clueless.
I guess I was more hinting at talking to my kids because I know that they wouldn’t learn it in school (even though our lessons in school were minimal at best), and I didn’t want them to succumb the the ignorance theory (what they don’t know won’t hurt them). Sure, they would learn about it eventually, but talking to them, and providing them protection will be my way of providing them with early preventative support.
That’s more what I meant, dave, not so much just talking to them because they would have a skewed view, I guess. I just was using my own experience, which interestingly enough, I turned out to be a sex researcher, as an example of one way kids could gain a strange view of sex if left alone. It was more to focus on kids that aren’t told about sex, and as such, participate in unsafe practices and end up pregnant, positive, or otherwise diseased.
I want to protect my kids from that!
I would for sure talk with my kids about sex, now I mean I won’t be giving them any advice on the best positions or anything, but I think it is essential that kids learn accurate information on sex and protection as opposed to what they hear from friends and see in movies.
Oh you’re goddamn right I’m going to talk to my kids about sex.
My parents never talked to me about sex (aside from my mom freaking out when she saw I had a hickey from my bf when I was 14, and she told me to never “let him do that to [me]” again). Like you, Duane, I also developed some pretty weird ideas about sex early on - compounded by the fact that I was basically a social outcast in middle school and much of high school; and of course that I grew up amid a bunch of fundies (I’m referring to my classmates here, not my parents) who were all too happy to tell me how thinking about sex meant I was going to hell - but then, somehow, it was okay when they had sex in the bed of a truck outside their youth group meeting. I was acquainted with hypocrisy early on!
I feel pretty lucky that I actually worked things out wrt sex on my own. Part of my personality has always been to learn as much as possible about a topic that I’m interested in, and to spend a whole helluva lot of time doing the whole introspection thing; but not everyone is like me, and someone else in the same situation could end up just plained Fucked Up.
So, bottom line: yes, I will talk to my kids about sex. It will not be a taboo in our house. There will be no shame or weirdness attached to the discusison of it. I want my kids to know that they can come to me with absolutely any questions, and they will receive an answer and not be judged for asking.
Sex is something you’re supposed to talk to your kids about. I fully intend to discuss the topic when I (eventually) have children.
I think I’m fairly lucky in the fact that sex wasn’t a taboo topic (for the most part) in my house. My parents gave me the birds n’ bees talk at an age where I was old enough to understand the basics — I got a book called “Babies Come From People” that was fully illustrated (black & white) with anatomically correct people — real looking people, too, not supermodels.
My parents discussed masterbation with me — not in detail, but that it was an okay thing to do in the privacy of my own room, and that sex wasn’t dirty or evil, but a natural part of humanity. They did stress that it shouldn’t been a subject taken lightly, that it was “meant” for two people that were in love, and I do remember that when I was younger, that “in love” in my mind, automatically meant married. But they never corrected me on that assumption - they knew I would figure it all out on my own and at my own pace.
If there was any discomfort about discussing it, it was generally on my part — I didn’t want to talk about any intimacies with my parents. Hell, I even got all squeamish when my dad jokingly asked me if my high school bf had slipped me the tongue.
And now that I’m in a healthy, stable relationship? My mom jokes about me “shacking up” at his house, and my dad keeps teasing me with the idea that he’s going to ask CB “how many times he’s seen me naked.”
My parents are hippies at heart. Make love, not war, man. And it shows.
I wouldn’t talk to my kids about sex, I’d find someone that knew something about it to talk to them!
Yes, sex must be discussed, and early at that. My parents spoke to both my brother and I from a VERY young age about our bodies and what they were capable of. I never had a “who-ha”, I always had a vagina. We were told that it was okay to touch ourselves, but that other people, NO ONE, should ever touch us there unless we said it was okay, and this was at…maybe 3 or 4 years old. As my sexuality became more and more apparent my mother talked to me more (and my dad with my brother). It was never taboo and my mom knew within weeks when I lost my virginity. Even now, four years into my marriage, my mom’s guidance and frank honestly is truly a blessing. All of this is based on the foundation of trust that was built throughout my youth.