Comments on: thoughts on being so self conscious

By: SS

SS — Sun, 27 Aug 2006 00:23:16 +0000

hey! u don’t know me, but i have the same problem, although my selfconsciousness is not as focused on appearance as much as everything else about me;how i talk, how i act, and what i do. I guess it really has to do with how u feel about yourself. It’s been almost 4 years, and it’s terribly annoying! so did ur situation get any better?

By: beth leftwich

beth leftwich — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 04:45:13 +0000

duane, you are such a hottie it is ridiculous. i know it’s hard, but know that the rest of the world sees you as an incredibly beautiful–physically and emotionally–person. i love you and i miss you.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 20:41:58 +0000

Personal way of dealing with what you think other people “might be thinking” F*** WHAT YOU PEOPLE THINK! Hope that helped. BTW Really enjoyed hanging out, looking forward to more games coming in the mail. Catch ya later.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 15:00:54 +0000

By: Jay

Jay — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:13:44 +0000

Dearest, beautiful skinny Duane. Yes I said skinny. My first reaction as a fat person still working on it, my first reaction is fuck bitch! You have NO RIGHT to call yourself fat. Skinny people that say that piss me off. But then I think, I would still see myself that way at 150 lbs. so I totally understand where you’re coming from. Even in my middle state off fat affairs, at pools I just say “fuck it”. Ask Ted, I’ll jump in the pool in all my glory. I don’t give a shit. Well, not true, I do or I wouldn’t still keep working on losing weight. Maybe it’s because I swim with the swim team and swim and shower with a bunch of swimmer’s bodies, if you know what I mean. But honeestly dude. I’ve seen enough pictures of you to know that if you put up one with your shirt off. I’d put it up on my blog, your adorable, just ask James if you don’t believe me.

By: Jason

Jason — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 15:59:14 +0000

I love you duane!!! This is not sympathy, just fact!!!!!

BTW, I made it on Dlisted today!!! http://www.dlisted.com, scroll down for the story about Jordan!!

By: jeremy

jeremy — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 12:56:27 +0000

Olin Miller is quoted as saying, “You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” Which is so, so true.
Also, because we homos are more pre-disposed to low self-esteem, there is a that critical eye turned inward thing that happens.
Just remember that other people’s perceptions of you won’t ever change how you feel about yourself.

By: Jake

Jake — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:11:23 +0000

Not to drag down the tone, but, eh, f*ck what other people think.

By: Robguy

Robguy — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 03:05:13 +0000

I think of the friends that I have with “less than perfect” bodies, and I ask myself do I think less of them? No - and as someone who is selfconscious, I admire their bravery in not hiding and living life fully. So stop thinking your friends are shallow :p

And I have an open offer to anyone that wonders about their looks - send me the nudes and I’ll be the judge

By: Amber

Amber — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 02:41:58 +0000

I think it can definitely be much worse for people who were made fun of - scratch that; abused - growing up. Of course, I have no experience other than my own to reflect on, so… I guess take that with the appropriate serving of salt? But I’ve heard it echoed from many people who’ve had similar experiences (like yourself here, for example!)

I recognize that I am still carrying around a lot of bullshit baggage from over 10 years ago. It pisses me off that the idiotic behavior of 13-year-olds can continue to affect me as an adult, but that’s the way it goes. Hence, therapy!

Over time, and thanks in part to therapy and in part to a LOT of introspection, reflection, self-examination, etc., I’ve overcome a lot of my insecurities and put a lot of the baggage behind me. But it’s still there, in spades, in some places. The biggest is anything having to do with athleticism, or sports, or exercise. This is why taking the pole dancing class is such a huge deal for me. Yes, getting in shape is great, and that’s a big part of it; but the even bigger part of it is facing head-on those old insecurities, the messages I unconsciously repeat to myself about how much I suck, and the fears that everyone will point and laugh (so far, no one has).

Hmm, you have inspired me, perhaps I will write about this on my own blog soon.

And, glad you had fun at the pool party - or at least, Rusty said you seemed to be enjoying yourself!