Apathy. Most people think nothing of it. Some people fixate on it. Some people are controlled by it. I am one of the latter. I would have to say that while it has definitely waxed and waned at times, my apathy (which I now know is directly related to my depression) has gotten stronger over the last few months. Regardless of the activity that I am doing, or even an activity that I may want to or have to do, I find myself more and more controlled by apathy. Take this blog for example. I used to post every single day, and usually found that I had interesting things to write about. Then, apathy stepped in.
I am sure that many of you have noticed that I haven’t been writing that much lately, and well, all I can offer is a letter of blame to my apathy. I really hope that it subsides and possibly even goes away soon, but I can’t tell, and I can’t really control it. I have even tried; with no success. I find that this apathy is preventing me from moving forward, and it often times feels like my feet are stuck in cement, and I am so distracted by apathy, that I am not doing anything to escape. Thanks for listening and keeping up with me. Thanks for (hopefully) understanding why I haven’t been reading blogs and blogging a lot lately; just know that it has taken over more than just this aspect of my life, and is driving me nuts.
I want to get rid of this fucking apathy, but perhaps I am even apathetic to it as well. That makes starting to change a little bit difficult. Le sigh. At least I can focus on the fact that I have great people in my life that do make me feel good, and for that I am eternally grateful. I will hopefully be my fun self again soon.
(this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop blogging or anything like that, it is more of a reason that I have been so sporadic with it lately. Thanks again for listening!)
Remember the Family Guy where Peter was trying to get smarter to impress Lois’ dad? He was reading a New Yorker, and read the caption from a cartoon in it out loud:
I’d be apathetic if I weren’t so lethargic.
He contemplated that for a about 12 hours, then threw the New Yorker aside and said, “Gimme the latest issue of Jugs.”
This reminds me… I have a book for you to read.
Actually, I hadn’t noticed at all. Rusty says the same thing about his blog and I give him the same answer. Which I guess just goes to show that the person that is most critical of us or notices our every little shortcoming is… ourselves.
I know that is horrible grammar with mixed tenses, but I am feeling too apathetic to correct it.
“This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.” –PF
Hehehe, you post A LOT Duane, don’t be so hard on yourself. Look at my blog. I’m getting hate comments because I haven’t posted in over a month. Now THAT’S apathy. I’ll post soon I promise.
I really don’t like bloggers who post too often. I have a number that I like to check and if they start making long posts everyday it takes a lot of time to get thru. (plus, my ADD prefers short posts).
Duane- You must shake off this apathy. You should check out the new Bloghungry pilot @ bloghungry.com and let me know your thoughts.
Apathy, maybe that explains why I haven’t commented much lately on your blog , not your apathy but my own, plus I just got back from Orlando to see the Mouse.
Doesn’t everyone go through that? I don’t often comment, but read often- and learn loads and loads. What you have to write can last for a few days so not to worry!!