And spank me. Piss on me. Do what you will with me.
No, that wasn’t an invitation, it was just to start the conversation interestingly. See, this morning, I was thinking about what I have been doing at work lately. See, we read about people’s sexual histories and proclivities all day long. As great as that sounds, I honestly get tired of hearing about unhealthy sex practices. But that is not what I want to talk about. It has been a while since I talked about sex, and I thought that this was pretty interesting; at least one of my coworkers referred to alternative sexual practices as weird and frankly deviant. And, while I agree, I don’t see the allure of having someone piss on your face, I don’t agree that it is weird or deviant.
Now wait a second, okay, just hear me out. It took an awfully long time for me to A) become comfortable with my sexuality and sexual nature, and B) become comfortable enough with myself and my partner to ask for and do what I wanted sexually with him. To me, if you have the courage (and frankly the sense) to ask for what you want in bed (albeit that bed may be covered with rubber sheets), and do what you turns you on sexually, you are actually the furthest from deviant in my mind, you are what I would like to call fulfilled.
I believe that this belief stems from the belief that anything that isn’t missionary sex between a man and a woman is against religion, nature, or whatever. I believe that people use that “prime” example as the “standard” by which all people “should” operate, and as such, anything risque or different is seen as deviant and usually weird.
Take leather/S&M culture for instance. While I do think that a lot of those guys are insanely hot (but not as hot as my man), the idea of someone treating me like a slave or beating the shit out of me for pleasure gives me the willies. No, not the erect kind, the, please don’t beat me up, because I don’t like being in pain or being hit. Now, while that doesn’t work for me, it does for a lot of people, and it makes them feel good. It makes them happy. And who am I to judge and say that it is deviant behavior, just because I don’t participate in it? Well, I am here to say that I am not.
Same goes with the views on women (and frankly, straight men, for that matter) and sex. Women that enjoy sex are often viewed as sluts or whores, when in actuality, they are most likely just in touch with what is pleasurable to them, and they are probably a lot happier than those that are pointing the “hey, you’re a deviant” finger at them. Likewise, guys that freak out at the thought of a finger (or God forbid a dildo) up the ass because it might “make them gay” is just silly; if it feels good for you, then you have nothing to fear. If you don’t like it, fine, but doing it doesn’t make you gay. I bring this particular thing up, because I know that a lot of straight guys get excited about performing anal on girls, and a lot of girls just won’t go there, for whatever reason (they may not like it, just like you say you don’t, ever thought of that?). I know at least one girl that is in a relationship who’s boyfriend asked her to do anal and she said, “you first”, and he refused, and so did she. Now, while this is getting a bit off topic, it does beg to argue how we as society actually see sex and sexuality, and why we have such rigid thoughts about what is “right” in the bedroom, and what “isn’t”. It all stems from the same societal “norms” that are placed on sex that instantly cause many of the most pleasurable things to fall into the “I don’t even think so” deviant column.
I honestly find this extremely interesting, and would love to hear what you all have to say. What do you think about different types of pleasurable activities, i.e., non-vanilla sex? Do you see it as deviant, and, even more interestingly, would you yourself be open to maybe trying some of those things because of a slight curiosity? Do you talk to your partner(s) about what “gets you off”? Let’s talk about sex, yo… It’s motherfucking Friday, time for a sexy weekend, anyway!
I absolutely agree with you on this:
That paragraph says it perfectly!
We live in a culture where sex in general is stigmatized and as a result, most people (understandably) have major hang-ups about it. It’s much easier to point fingers at things other people do in bed (or wherever!) and say, “ew, gross, ick, that’s bad, that’s wrong” than it is to look within yourself and confront your own issues, explore what your wants and needs are, etc.
Oh, and speaking of sexual hang-ups? Let me just talk about ONE in the list of thousands here… I have always thought it is ridiculously retarded with het guys get all weird about any kind of ass play (wrt their own ass) because they think it will “make them gay.” That doesn’t even make sense. A particular part of your body bringing you pleasure cannot determine your sexual orientation. I wish everyone could just get over their hang-ups and embrace the things they like, and just ENJOY sex!
But that is something I’ve been planning to rant about on my own blog, so I won’t get too carried away on that train of thought right now.
To me, the only type of sexual situations that could rightly be called “deviant” are the ones that involve coercion or lack of consent. If consenting adults are the ones involved and no one is getting hurt, I see know problem. And when I say hurt I mean actually hurt. This is why I get so irritated when people who don’t know wtf they’re talking about start going off on BDSM. Now, personally I’m not interested in BDSM activities, but I’ve done quite a bit of reading about the culture and know several people who enjoy it; it’s not about having someone “kick the shit out of you.” (I’m not implying that this is what you were suggesting, Duane; but there are plenty of people on other blogs [e.g., I Blame the Patriarchy] who have done just that.) It really raises my hackles when people start running off at the mouth about something they know nothing about.
There’s a lot more I want to say about this whole topic but I need to get back to work for now. I’ll be back.
And I will probably write a post of my own at some point. Thanks for bringing up a great discussion topic!
Doh, typos!
“with het guys get all weird” should be “when het guys get all weird.”
LOL… I am totally with you on the BDSM… So many people see it as that, when it isn’t. Hello! Safe word! Hello! Consent! Totally different than sexual violence or rape. Yeah, I don’t even get that connection, but whatever!
Ultimately it’s all about being comfortable in your own skin and TALKING to your partner which some people find amazingly scary. And yes, it is definitely time for a sexy weekend.
: )
What a HOT topic for a Friday!! I think fear keeps you from talking about pleasure in sex. I can’t get into having sosmeone piss on my face either but I love to “look” at hot bodies in tight leather. Most women “refer” to sex toys but never openly talk about them for fear of shame. I wish sex wasn’t viewed as such a “bad” thing if you enjoy it.
Comfort with our partners and bodies will lead to better sex - it isn’t an easy thing. Let’s all just go have GREAT sex this weekend to celebrate this blog post - thanks Duane :>)
Great topic for Friday! I have a rather kinky side in me D, I’m thinking maybe I should post about it and I also like older men. ie, the daddy/son role. Bet you never knew that!
Yeah, it’s amazing how scary it can be to actually talk to your partner(s).
I am in a bit of a disagreement here. Although I think there are some erotic fantasies that are not vanilla, many of them stem from a deeper psychological problem. Urinating on someone is just not hygenic (in fact I think it is downright repulsive) and there has to be something in that person that they just aren’t facing. I also think bondage is a little weird but I guess if it is in your own home. But I have been to a bar that once had a public flogging (luckily I was not there that night) and I don’t think others should have to be subjected to it. For god’s sake, that is what Prozac and therapy are for!
Neat post. Sorry I don’t have anything earth-shattering to say. Except that I like sex…alot (big shocker there I know). See, I told ya I didn’t have anything earth-shattering to say.
And if bondage and a varied free sexual lifestyle isn’t your thing, you can always live vicariously through this guy: http://www.completelynaked.org/in_puris_naturalibus/
Er, big “whatever” to Doug’s comments up there.
But anyway, I’ve seen a lot regarding this sort of thing, and it never ceases to fascinate me.
I met this one guy in Florida who couldn’t get aroused unless you stood on his face. And while I felt bad for him that he was so sexually limited to this one type of stimulation, I thought he was hot, and well, speaking for myself, I would’ve stood on his face any fucking day of the week.
Honestly, I have a few specific interests myself, but I think sometimes it’s even more of a turn on to find out what another person’s fetishes are. In my experience I’d have to say overall, there’s little I wouldn’t do to turn someone on that I found attractive. There’s exceptions, of course, but deviant? I think it only qualifies as “deviant” when it brings harm to someone else. Otherwise, what’s wrong with any of it, no matter how “weird” it might be?
Actually, urine isn’t all that unsanitary.
And, when you say there has to be some psychological problem with the person - how can you know that? You know, people used to say the same thing about gay sex - some still do. Blanket statements like that just send up a red flag for me. Sure, there may be some people in whom an interest in certain sex acts signifies unaddressed psychological issues. But who are you to presume that this is the case for everyone who enjoys a particular sex act? Couldn’t it be that just maybe, some people have truly examined their sexual interests and determined what works for them in a healthy and self-realizing way? As has been mentioned already in this thread, I think pointing the finger and making broad generalizations says more about the speaker than the person they’re accusing of being “deviant.”
I think this is a very interesting post. I also work in the field of sexual health and spend a fair amount of my day talking to people about their sex lives. I have also experienced similar frustrations over time about issues of safety, not so much over what anyone does but around my inability to successfully facilitate change.
I agree that people who have the guts and maturity to accept, develope and talk about their sexual interests are indeed “fulfilled”. And in response to Dougs comments above. I think that it can be true that certain “fetishistic” behaviors (by fetishistic I generally mean an inability to enjoy a variety of sexual activities without this particular element or theme being present)may have a psychological root that might need to be examined particularly when the behavior limits someones ability to enjoy other areas of a relationship that THEY want to persue, or to help them accept their interest and find a place for it in their lives. However the labels of “deviant” and “repulsive” are deeply offensive to me.
doug, yeah, urine is actually completely sterile. In fact, it is the most purely sterile at the time it is leaving the body, so being pissed on would be the freshest most sterile way to interact with urine. I can’t believe I just typed that. LOL!
I’m possibly the least sexually adventurous or “deviant” person you’re likely to find (unless you consider being gay deviant) but I’ve always liked the idea of being peed on. In the shower of course, and while naked. Not in bed or all over the sofa. The cleaning up afterwards would not be much fun.