This was a title of one of my junk emails. They rock!! But It also got me thinking, I find that I am extremely shy and embarrassed when it comes to pooping in public. Not like on the sidewalk in front of a crowd or anything, but just public bathrooms in general. For example, I would much rather hold it (if I can), than go in a restaurant or somewhere like that; and just wait til I get home. I have always been this way, and probably always will. I don’t even like to go at work if someone else is in the bathroom. I don’t know why it embarrasses me, because I know that everyone does it, but that doesn’t stop me from waiting until every person has left the bathroom before I leave my stall.
The worst is when you have this high level of anxiety and embarrassment (which causes you to hold it as long as possible), and you have a potentially dire situation in which poop is eminent. The result is a photo finish in sometimes unsavory places, which probably could have been avoided if said anxiety didn’t surround the aforementioned act. Anyone else have this same embarrassment? I know that there are those that love to shit whenever and wherever, but I can’t be the only one that would rather wait til I get home, and keep it to myself, right?
This is probably the best title for a post… ever. I get a little anxious when there’s someone sitting in the stall next to me and I left out a rip-roaring fart. I find the silence in bathrooms makes thing more awkward. I’d like to be able to knock on the wall and ask, “Hey did you hear that? Good one, huh?” High fives, however, are inappropriate by any standard.
We need to get you this.
That almost made me swallow my gum. LOL
And no, you are not alone. Luckily I work at a small office now with a one-person bathroom.
i will NOT poop in public places unless its an absolute emergency, germs, ick. otherwise its only at work, alone, in the furthest stall, on another floor. gotta have my privacy
Oh, and another thing, did you see the episode of Bullshit on this subject? There seems to be way less germs on that toilet seat than, say, the rest of the bathroom itself.
It’s so funny you posted this today. I have been working on my own ‘pooping at work’ post today but wasn’t able to get it out. Guess I’m a little constipated in that respect. Anyways, I’m opposite of you … in oh so many ways … but anyways, I have another friend with your same problem. Ya’ll are weird. I should have my post on the subject excremented tomorrow.
Yes, that is definitely the best post title ever. Probably high in the running for best spam subject, too. And, can I just go out on a limb here and say that I would love to receive those words of wisdom in a fortune cookie?
I know my ex HATED this about me… there were so many photo finishes over our 5 year relationship. A few times he would yell and say JUST SHIT FOR CHRIST SAKES… as I sat there getting blue in the face, driving 300 mph to make it to the closest “safe bathroom”. Yes I said safe bathroom, I know you have these! The places that you will poop in public if forced to… great post!
My boyfriend has this same problem. He will drive home during work just to go to the bathroom.
Personally, I can go just about anywhere. I think after having to dig my own ditches and pooping over a hole while holding onto a tree in sub-zero weather while I was in the army helped me appreciate pooping in a bathroom–any bathroom.
Oh my God, this is one of the funniest posts I’ve EVER read. Probably because I was the EXACT same way. After serving as a Peace Corps volunteer, however, all the bathroom has to be is clean for me to enjoy it. I still prefer doing my business at home, however, because…ya know…some things just can’t be rushed.
Duane, I will not poop in public places, I will let my insides get torn apart before I will go in a restaurant. I am so glad you have this issue too!
I’ll wait until I get home, and for the most part, I’ve been pretty lucky. I won’t even go at work. Since I wear sandals EVERYDAY, people who come in will know it’s me in the stall. Nutty, I know.
This is so funny! I also drive home at lunchtime if I need to go, and I’m not Ted’s bf. If I’m really forced to go at work I use the bathroom on a different floor where I’m unlikely to run into anybody I know. Duane, I’m exactly like you. Maybe it’s a gay thing. Other men have no problem sitting in the middle stall, making the most hideous noises, letting rip with diarrhea etc, then walking out boldly when they’re done and talking to whoever’s out there washing their hands like it’s the most normal thing.
“Your wife is complaining about you being on only for a few minutes.”
That’s my last spam e-mail. I had to think for a minute about why she’d be complaining (on what?). I’m the first to admit I’m a little slow these days.
As for your issue I don’t really have a problem. I spent a LOT of time in Mexico as a kid so I figure if I can handle a village outhouse I can handle a gas station bathroom with no trouble whatsoever.
Simon,
I nearly died when I read this: “Other men have no problem sitting in the middle stall, making the most hideous noises, letting rip with diarrhea etc, then walking out boldly when they’re done and talking to whoever’s out there washing their hands like it’s the most normal thing.” Thanks.
Oh great, I’m not alone. I’m also a emergency only and in the furthest stall on another floor pooper. Should we all create a club? “Anonymous Homepoopers”? Uhm … well …
uh yeah. I won’t either. Aside from the going home if I have to go during work, if things aren’t “constant” if you will, I’ll just stay in. I KNOW i’m going to have to go more and its NOT just a fart!
Circumstances in my life have basically gotten me over the fear of crapping in public restrooms. Last Thanksgiving, for example. While it’s not the ideal situation, you just suck it up and let it out.
My fear of all fears is a restroom with a lock on the door, this can be interchanged with a stall, the thought of someone walking in on me on the toilet………shiver
I was exactly the same years ago (in Highschool), but I think my stomach revolted against my bourgeois rule over it when I got to my upper teens/early 20s. I have what I consider to be a very very very mild case of IBS, which makes it very uncomfortable to hold it after eating and such. So, I got comfortable with public restrooms — although I do have “safe” restrooms. And the stalls farthest away from the door are the most heavily used, so I always use the first or middle ones.
Oh, and I’m straight so it can’t be just a gay thing.
My biggest fear involving this is being somewhere in a group where there are no bathrooms available, like out in the woods or at Lake Hartwell. I wouldn’t care if it was close friends that know about my frequent need (at least twice a day) for a toilet, but in a group of acquaintances this only adds to my mild social phobia. I would hate to say, “Hey, friend I only kinda know through other people, pull the boat over to that small, uninhabited island so I can, um, look around for like ten minutes alone.”
I think my ease with using restrooms of all disgust levels at this point is due to “The Trainspotting Bathroom” I had to use on I-20 long ago. No lock, huge holes in the wall and door of the stall, large, hairy truckers milling about, no toilet paper, wet floor, unidentifiable stains EVERYWHERE! It was awful. It was at one of those truckstops with “showers” and “hot meals.” Yikes. Oh, and for those of you who noticed the “no toilet paper” thing — two words, carry wet-wipes in a ziplock bag at all times.
That and the time I went snow-mobiling in Colorado and had to drop trou on the snow covered Continental Divide while the party I was with drove by, stopping at my stopped snow mobile and YELLING my name.
Wonderful.
All I had to do was read the title for this post and I nearly peed myself. Which, of course, would have made me an unfortunate person as well.
i only poop at home (read: current residence).
in fact, i don’t think i’ve ever pooped anywhere else. i’m completely serious about that.
i know for a fact that i have never dropped one at work. ever. i have been working, in some capacity or another, since i was 15, and i have never squatted on the office pot.
I am exactly the same.
Well, actually worse because I don’t even like it when I go to my work bathroom to take a leak and someone else is pooping in there. I feel all grossed out and scrunchy. Especially if I hear it.
Seriously - there are two particular guys I work with who between the two of them, are always pooping, M-F, 8-5, ALL THE TIME.
It’s so annoying. Like, you ever heard of a little fiber stinkbombs?
I find it interesting knowing that so many people dread using public bathrooms (myself included) yet there are people that make a fetish out of having sex in them. At work there is even a guy that brushes his teeth while he’s on the crapper. What is worse for people that aren’t a fan of sharing their bathroom experience, they’ve just built a new datacenter for 300 employees with ONE bathroom (4 stations) for each gender.
I once took a gigantic shit in the middle of a circle of about 30 guys.
The Army has its awkward moments.
I don’t poop i public, but i poop hardcore in my ass.
If i have to drop a biscut, i will wait until i get home or go ahead and drop one in my pants and keep my ass cheeks squeezed together until I get home to chizel it off