I bet you are thinking, “what exactly can you get for $7.50, duane?”. Well, for one, that is the co-pay amount for my therapist, and for me, it afforded a diagnosis of depression and anxiety! I know that many of you that read the blog have seen my ups and downs over the last few months, and some of you have voiced concerns over sad poopie poems and whatnot, but don’t worry; I am getting help. I decided that the best thing for me to do is to go and talk with a therapist (who is probably reading this, Hi Joe!), because I pretty much knew what he was going to say. That’s not to say that it made it any easier to hear.
I just want to be able to fix what’s wrong and get to living my life. We discussed how anxiety has pretty much overwhelmed me, and it has led me into being depressed. Now I can explain all those down feelings I have been having! It is because of anxiety! Another thing that he told me, which I actually thought was kind of funny, is that I have lots of built up anger, and I release it through sarcasm, or I hold onto it, and it fuels the anxiety and depression. So my sarcasm is actually passive aggressive anger?! Never thought that! But perhaps that does explain why James always thinks I am being mean when I am sarcastic. I digress…
Either way, my therapist and I had a “good” talk, in which a lot was discovered about me and my past. It is weird to tell a complete stranger all about your history, as well as how you currently feel, especially when you don’t feel like telling anyone that stuff. But being the extroverted talker that I am, I had no problem just talking away and telling him a lot. In fact, at that end, I kind of felt like a naked person on a stage type thing… it was a little weird. And it gave me a headache. Either way, hopefully this guy is going to be able to help me pull myself out of this CRAP that I have been going through, and I can get back to enjoying my life.
Just so you know, THESE are the reasons that I have been so weird lately. This is why I haven’t been able to make myself read blogs and do things I like (symptom of depression, FYI, not doing things you like, or feeling like they are a chore). Either way, I hope that this means that I am on the road to recovery. He wants to try the route without drugs, but to be honest, if we don’t get something major accomplished seriously fast, I may have to opt for the pills. Hell, that’s why they make the things. Anxiety shouldn’t have to control someone like this, and I hope that it isn’t going to control me for much longer.
Suddenly, I feel naked again. Either way, there it is. I don’t feel any better… I just feel good that I am doing something about it.
That’s great Duane!
Honestly, I think there are a lot of us who should be doing exactly the same thing - but it’s just scary.
To put yourself out there and admit you’re not perfect.
I hope you feel a lot better soon!
kudos to you for going… sounds like you got more out of it than realize…
hold off on the tablets, mr immediate gratification…
i need a better provider.. i pay $20 instead of $7.50.. for that in atl, i could get shrunk & a cheap lunch…
I think that is fantastic Duane, not many people are willing to take that step. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t use a dose of therapy.
I too have anxiety, it’s really hard to deal with sometimes…on top of ADD. I hope this starts a new path for you and you start feeling like yourself again.
Hey Duane, I’m proud of you for taking the time to care for yourself - nobody will do it for you!! I need to do the same for myself - just can’t seem to find the time. Maybe we can do a group session - call it the “Moody Blues” lol - just kidding :>) Love ya!!
Hooray! I’m happy to hear you are taking care of yourself and getting help. You’ve inspired me to get off my ass and go to a therapist again myself… (assuming my co-pay isn’t too high)
Congratulations on taking the first step to recovery Duane. That point about sarcasm was really interesting. I see that dynamic a lot among other gay men and its not surprising that its rooted in anger (and probably shame and insecurity too).
My therapist is awesome, only costs about 10 bucks a session and has offices virtually everywhere on the planet. Her name is Mary Jane and I can give you her number if the pills don’t work. Aaaahahahahaa!
$7.50? Are you kidding me? That is AWESOME.
Ours is going to be at least $100 per visit
First, I’d like to have your health benefits. I sneeze and I end up paying a $30 co-pay.
I’m glad you sought help. So many people feel too much pride to ever ask for help. You’ll be better off for it.
Like everyone else has said, kudos for you for taking that all-important first step. When I went through it, my family & I were at our last thread with each other - it was almost painful.
But I agree - hold off on the pills at first and talk, talk, talk. I found that the talking was better than the pill-popping, at least for me. But if that still ain’t working, make sure the dose they start you on isn’t too high.
Good luck with it, sweetie.
BRAVO for posting this… as you know I’m also in the same boat of therapy, depression and anxiety. You will get better. One thing I’ve learned is nothing comes “easy”… remember that what you are going through is normal and now you have an outlet to fix it. If you ever need to talk…. you know this sissie’s email. Kissses!
Amber and I have the same therapist! Only her treatments are of a much higher quality here in the Great Northwest. Zing!
Don’t you find your blog therapeutic? You have all these people giving you advice every day. $7.50? That’s incredible. Every visit to my doctor costs me $40. I’ve never been to a therapist in my life but God knows I need it. I just don’t think I could open up to somebody like that.
Good for you, Duane. Being encumbered by something like this sucks, and you’ve taken the first step to being even funnier - without the mean. But hey - take heart - as I said the other night, you’re already doing better than some people I know, seeing as you’re also able to be funny and not come off like you loathe everyone and everything.
Duane is the perfect counterpoint to Dave.
Up here we have no co-pay for anything like therapy etc. Its covered under our public healthcare plans (but we do have private therapists who will charge as well).
Good on ya for knowing you need a bit of help and finding it. I’ll send you a bit of positivity whenever I can.
Duane, what theoretical orientation is your therapist? CBT, psychoanalytic, eclectic? Is whoever you’re seeing a licensed psychologist? And you’re a champ for going — it’s a brave and sometimes difficult thing to do, even though it shouldn’t be. There are a lot of weird beliefs about going to therapy even though a good psychologist can teach anyone skills that would be beneficial (even if they don’t meet criteria for a disorder).
Therapy has been a lifesaver for me for years. That naked on stage feeling comes with the beginning. After a few sessions you’ll know if this therapist is right for you because that feeling goes away. If not, that’s a sign (for me) to find someone new.
Meds have been a lifesaver for me too. If you do go that route, I take Zoloft for anxiety/depression, & I highly recommend it. I’ve been through too many to name, & it’s the only one that didn’t knock me over with side effects. Good luck to you!
ooooooh, I’ve never met anyone who’s anxious to be depressed! Do you keep records to see how fast it takes you to go from content to depressed?
=-P
Good for you for taking care of yourself! Far to many people try and sweep these feelings under the rug. Bravo for being brave.
I had no idea one could be anxious and depressed at the same time. Interesting.
Good luck as your treatment progresses!
Whatever, all these people who think you can’t be “anxious and depressed” clearly have no idea what those terms actually mean.
Good for you! I’ve never been to a therpaist myself, but my best friend says that everyone can benefit from talking to a trained professional.
Hugs to you!