I was just talking with my friend Byron about something I noticed while I was out at Blake’s last night; I can totally tell that I am not in the traditional “core” of gay Atlanta anymore. And you know what, that is fine by me! I noticed how the people were interacting, and how differently it seemed to me, and just a few years ago, I was right there doing the same things. Perhaps I have grown, perhaps I have matured, or perhaps I have slipped to the outside and am now looking in. Either way, I feel myself maturing and becoming happier with myself, more comfortable with myself and who I am, and for once, being more than just gay.
I have discussed friend groups and whatnot lately as well, and I think that the turn that I have taken in making friends is a direct result of these changes in my life. Being on the outside of gay “core” culture means not having to feel the pressure to be perfect (even though a twinge of that is always there… come on, I can’t lie). It means being able to meet and hang out with people because of who they are, and similar interests, one of which does not include picking up boys at the bar. It is honestly a refreshing enlightenment, and I just wanted to share it with you all. Here’s hoping that the maturity and growth continues to enrich my life, and I can and maintain my place in whatever niche I feel most comfortable in. The core used to be that niche, and now, it is isn’t; but sometimes being on the outside of the core can be good… in this case, I can certainly say that it is.
Have any of you experienced a similar shift? Do you feel that you have changed and matured, and as a result, have moved into a different niche in your life? I love learning about people, culture, and behavior, so I am all ears… this stuff is fascinating!
I’ve definitely change since before Erik and now I’m more of a homebody. If I want to go out I’d rather hang out with friends talking than going out dancing and getting drunk. I like it better now but I miss the old me sometimes.
One of the many ~good~ parts about being a “grown up” is not constantly looking for empty validation.
YEAY, you!
It’s funny, it seems like we’re brooding over quite similar things lately. I was talking to a friend about this just yesterday.
I used to go out to clubs a lot. I lived in a very small village about 70 miles away from the city and its gay clubs. I drove to that town about 3 or 4 times a week and I loved going out. Then I moved to that city. I’d be able to walk to the clubs, but I havn’t really been to a club ever since.
And I feel there are many things going on in my life. And I have changed many things. While some of my friends say I became strange and difficult to handle recently, I think I have changed and matured, and they kind of stayed the same. But maybe I’m just weird, who knows?
I think I have matured… er, er.. I’m not really sure, because I’m always joking. But I’ve started to enjoy stocking up my kitchen larder, gardening, wearing slippers indoors… I think I’m turning into a bloody woman and I’m scared, Duane!! Help! But I’m much more comfortable with my being gay now.
My shift is a bit different. It started when my dad died when I was 26 and then my mom when I was 28. To have no one in the traditional parent role is both scary and liberating. Scary in that there is no one to fall back on and liberating, oddly enough, for the same reason. True independence. To use a Seinfeld quote in a different way, I’m the master (or mistress) of my domain.
Well, for most of my life, I’ve felt like an outsider. (Adopted, then art oriented, then gay) So I’ve always felt like I’ve viewed these microcosms at an arm’s length. The one thing that I always learn is that once I choose to distance myself from other people’s behavior, I learn how much like them I truly am or have been. Its an easy way out. What you have in common with those people is the bigger question. If you’re continually focusing on what separates you from someone, then those are the things you’ll find.
P.S. Got a new computer and knew there was a blog I was missing. I truly enjoy your blog. XO-J
For the last ten years, with or without a boyfriend my focus has totally shifted towards my friendships. It’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve actively tried to make new ones. It’s been really interesting moving to a new town and starting over, meeting new people and making new friends (some great, some not so great). During this time I’ve met a lot of people at very different points in their lives. But I definitely find myself developing much better relationships with people my age and older.
When I lived in Alabama I was usually at the bars (all 2 of them )alot and in doing so I became a member of the golden circle knew all the right people did all the cool things with them etc including hanging out with Ms.Gay Huntsville and Ms.Gay Alabama. But now a days it is very rare that I even go out . That may be due to the fact that Maui has no dedicated gay bars,but even back in Portland after I met P we didn’t hit the disco’s to much. It is a good feeling when you realize that you don’t need it as much as you once did (and by it I mean the gay bar scene ). Good for you !!!
I’ve been to Blakes. I just wanted to say that.
I think when you are younger in life (not necessarily age) you look to surround yourself with people you can identify with one a simple level. As you get older, you expand that to (INSERT whatever it is you want or are looking for in your life).
So when you go back to a place in time, you become an outsider.
Its like if you belonged to an organization back to college and you go to visit that group again. You definitly are welcomed but you just don’t fit in it anymore.
Its growing up.
I found this post to be very interesting. Even though my best friends are gay, I rarely think about how it must feel.
Maybe it’s because my friends are OLD and have been out for a couple of decades. But just tonight, one of them was surprising me with some of the things he was saying about feeling like he does or doesn’t belong.
Personally, my lifeview shifted when I had kids. One day you’re someone’s kid. The next day you’re someone’s parent. It can be pretty shocking.
Definitely, I think the older I get the less importance I place on things which would have stressed me the hell out in my teens or early 20’s.
It’s like as we gain life experience, the important things become clearer. Probably one of the few advantages to getting older.
Great Post!