And I agree that it does sound like that, which is weird — especially because we’re both married. But how else do you make the point that you’re unhappy that a friendship is on the wane? You either deal with it, and have the relationship-sounding conversation, or you stew about it and express your dissatisfaction in other ways. Usually worse ways.

A big part of the problem, I think, is that my friend is just out of school. In school, you see the same people all the time, you’re doing the same things, etc. In that situation, friendships just happen. Or at least they seem to, because the circumstances are such that the effort involved in friendship is minimal.

Outside of that realm, however — i.e., in the adult world of work, family, and other non-negotiable obligations — friendships don’t just happen anymore. Even my best friends, whom I’ve known for 20+ years and who live only a few miles away, I don’t see more than twice a month, on average. That takes its toll. Those people are still my “best friends,” but it’s partly by default: there’s no one to step into the breach.

Anyway, this has been bugging me a lot, so I was looking for things to read to help understand what the problem is. Thanks for the post and the discussion.

Sometimes I find that I end up being friends with people just because they do all the work of calling me and setting up get-togethers. If I had to put in the effort, I probably would never hang out with them in the first place.

I’ve sworn that I’m going to try harder. I really have.