Last night, I went to trivia night at Mellow Mushroom with a fellow blogger, Amber. While the news that I went to trivia isn’t all that exciting, what is exciting (at least to me), is that I am finally doing something that I never thought I would do; I am interacting with and meeting people in a way that I never thought that I could or would. I am meeting people and making friends with people that I find interesting, based on interests that are similar to mine, based on who they are as people, based on their sense of humor, as well as a myriad of other things. For the first time since I came out of the closet, I am meeting people based on something other than sexual orientation.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my ‘mo’s, and I wouldn’t trade the friendships I have for anything; but I do think that sometimes, for the most part, we only meet people and become friends with people, because the likelihood of encountering them is, for one reason or another, increased. As with the case of being gay, many come out, and go out to gay establishments; and eventually, make a lot of gay friends. Since you are less likely to hang out with straight people, and because most bars generally don’t cater to much more than people’s sexual interests, you tend to make gay friends because they are around more. Not to say that gay friends aren’t of a good quality, in fact quite the opposite; but sometimes I wonder, if both of us weren’t gay, would we have actually became friends? Because, if we weren’t gay, how would we have met?
I find that this is the case with some friends that just about everyone has, who you feel like you have little in common with, save maybe one or two things. It doesn’t mean you aren’t friends, or that you should chuck them, it just is what it is. You may have totally different senses of humor, which, when it comes to some things that you may enjoy, may pose a problem. You may have different interests in hobbies, past times; the list goes on and on. These things aren’t “friendship-killers”, but they do make me sometimes ponder how we met, and if circumstances would have been different, if we would have ever become friends. My point, is that you may have this friend, mainly because it was easier to meet them; which increased your chances of getting to know them. You may have met them, simply because you share something like sexual orientation, and if you took that out of the equation, it makes you wonder if you would have actually become friends at all. I think that blogs and the internets open up the possibilities in this case, and allow you to find people and make friends with people that you would normally never know.
I think that with gay people especially, you find yourself pulled out of the traditional “mainstream” societal groups, and you become part of a new community. This community helps you deal with coming out, and all the other issues that come along with it. Then, once you are a part of this “family”, most gay men don’t stray from it; save maybe a few coworkers, or old friends you had before you became “one of the gays”. Don’t get me wrong, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with this. It is much easier, you don’t have to come out to everyone, people don’t ask you stupid questions anymore, you don’t have to defend your sexuality, and other crap like that. You tend to hang out in circles where you will encounter people that are like you, but perhaps they are like you more because of your sexual orientation; rather than something like your interests or tastes.
That is why I think that it is awesome that I have actually put myself out there and gotten involved with doing blogging things. All of the bloggers that I have met in real life have been pretty cool. There have been one or two freaks… but I am not naming names. I’m totally kidding. (No I’m not.) No seriously, I am really kidding; everyone that I have met has been almost exactly what I was expecting, and in almost every case, I have met and hung out with them IRL, because we shared similar views, interests, etc, on our respective blogs. Our blogs brought us together in interests, which led to us wanting to hang out IRL. Our blogs share a lot about who we are, and because we have lots in common, it would make sense for some of us to get together and hang out IRL. This is honestly the first time in my life that I have ever done anything that, and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me. (again, not that I wasn’t happy before, but I do like trying new things, and meeting new people; who doesn’t?)
Now, you may wonder, where is he going with this? The answer is simple; I want to thank all the bloggers that I have met IRL, and all of you that I want to meet IRL, and all of you that I will hopefully get to meet IRL. I want to tell you how exciting it is that we have been able to meet through the internets; and I look forward to the potential friendships that have formed and those that will form. Most of all, I am excited that I get to do things with new people that I share interests with and that I came to know through those interests, rather than simply a similar sexual orientation (again, do not misconstrue this, I love all my gay friends… There are many that I didn’t meet at bars or the way I described above, and I am definitely not closing the door on making more gay friends; I am just making a point). I am just happy to be meeting different people and getting out there and doing things that I would never have done in the past. It is something that is making me happy, and I just wanted to express that. Nothing weird, though, got it?
With all of that being said, I am really looking forward to the blogger event this evening, as well as trivia next week! Oh yeah, does anybody else want to hang out?
i wanna hang out. but i live too far away
Kat: If I am ever in DC, I am completely calling you up for a night out. Seriously.
So my initial thought when reading this was, “Dude, this guy is totally trying to score free drinks tonight!” but after I thought about it for as second, I totally agree with you. In fact, I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in metro-ATL and all my friends I’ve known for 10-15 years. I love them all but being part of the blogger scene here has given me the chance to meet new people and make new friends. It’s great, and I too am looking forward to tonight’s get together…
This is going to sound uber-silly, but blogging really did change my life (socially). I never would have met all the people here when I moved to a town where I knew *1* person. JHC, I even met the boy online!
mingaling: first of all that is not silly in any way. Second of all, without you, I would have never taken the plunge and met so many cool people!! Thanks for always planning the monthly blogger meet ups, and thanks for always inviting me. Let’s do more in the future. Yeah!
Just think of all the people you would meet on one little trip to Arizona.
Blogging has introduced me to two of my absolute favorite people. I never thought something I started as a simple diary would bring such important people into my life. And it keeps getting better, except of course for the freaks. : )
Glad you had fun last night, Duane - and thanks for being an integral part of the team. Too bad you couldn’t convince the Doubting Hoover on our team to bet more than 2 on the last question.
Blogging has changed my life too, and I don’t give a flying fuck if there are people out there (and oh, there are) who scoff at statements like that or think blogs are cheesy or whatever the fuck else. Fuck ‘em, my life is 10 times better because of blogging. And with any luck, you should see an essay on this very subject by yours truly published in an anthology this fall… but I fear I’ve said too much…
Blogging has only been positive for me also. I met a bunch of new people through the Sydney Blogger Meetup and also through the Flickr Sydney Photoblogger meetups. Both have been very positive experiences for me. About a year or more into blogging I also had the surreal experience of discovering that a bunch of my friends have blogs that I never knew about (and vice versa).
My only wish is that I could meet some of my regular readers, and the bloggers I like to read, but Australia is a very long way away…
Duane…I am glad to have met you and all the other peeps from atlbloggers.net and whatnot. And maybe next time you can float between teams and help out others at trivia. Cause the whole drug question we could have used your help on.
In any case I hope I get the chance to meet many more people IRL from the Atlanta area. Although it is hard to explain to my parents that we went to a party with some friends we met on the Internet. Just doesn’t sound right at first.
Uh . . . nice title.
Well coming from one of the other ‘mos at trivia it was nice to meet you, even though we were on the opposing team …that came out nowhere and kicked some some Olsen Twin ass.
Although I am kind of worried what you may think of me based on my blog.
Blogging as introduced me to new people and has brought me closer to ones I’ve already known. I think it’s a great way of communicating. I even like the freaks that Jeff talked about. The freaks give us something to blog about!
Vince: LMAO! LOL! Nothing but love, baby.
BJ: I would never judge you. In fact, your blog makes me think you are actually interesting enough to know IRL. So, let’s all hang out bitch! HA!
Ted: I agree, sometimes the freaks are what you want to blog about… but do they read your blog? AHHHH!!!!
As I gushed for your benefit, I was so glad to actually meet you at trivia Wed. night. It was very cool.
And what you were talking about, with circumstantial friends, its really no different than the friends you meet through work. I have a friend here that I would’ve never come in contact with in the “regular” world. She is my opposite (high maintenance, a bit snobbish, somewhat anti-social), but at work, one of my closest friends. And one of the few that we’ve become friends outside the office as well - but I know that if it weren’t for work, we’d have never bonded.
Have a great weekend!
I really liked that post. Excellent points, all thought provoking. It’s true now that I think of it, I have many friends where “gayness” is the only common thing we share. Sometimes I enjoy the diversity, but with a couple (more often than not) they get unbearable.
Thanks for bringing this all up.
We’re playing the Atlanta Bucks this weekend. Maybe someday we’ll head out there and they’ll host us and we can throw back a few (or nine) of your favorite drink du jour! In the meantime, get your ass out here to Arizona! It’s 75 degress during the day here and sunny. Helllllllloooooooooo McFlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I’m finding that the high of coming out is wearing off (kinda, not really yet but I’m getting an inkling of it). I’m totally out, totally happy, and thankful for the huge new family I have now. It is kind of weird that after you come out and go through everything and the highs and lows, you’re still you, the same person at the core and you still have those same interests and hobbies and quirks and sense of humor or everything. I guess as we go we really get to the point that the gay thing is just our sexulaity instead of consuming our daily lives and defining us. The “gay thing” definitely consumed me, I searched out all things gay, gay culture, whatever you want to call it. I guess eventually, when all this great exciting time is done, being gay will just be an afterthought.
For about nine years before I started blogging, all of my friends were military wives. And the only thing I had in common with any of them was that we were military wives.
Through blogging I’ve met people who are family to me now. I don’t know what I would do without them. Blogging cuts through a lot of the superficial crap.
Duane, it was great to meet you, too. I hope to see you at trivia more often.