After yesterday’s post and “celebration”, reading those homophobic comments, and then reading other people’s coming out day posts and stories, I started to remember how I got to where I am today. This, inevitably made me think back to my childhood, and the talks and experiences I had with my family regarding that ever feared topic of conversation: Sex.
Many people have some point where their parents asked them if they were gay, because, let’s face it, most of our parents know. If mine didn’t know, they should be checked into a facility for the deaf, dumb, and blind (if you have ever met me, you would agree… I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but seriously). But nope, not mine, never asked me a thing. And unlike many kids that happened to get “the talk” from their parents, or some nudge in any direction about sex, there too, I got nothing. Nothing like, “DON’T HAVE SEX, or your penis will fall off, and you will die“, or “just make sure you don’t get her pregnant”. Nope, none of that stuff was ever mentioned.
In fact, my parents pretty much pretended that sex was non-existent. So, where did you get your guidance on when, where, how, and with whom to have sex, you ask? From my Grandma. That’s right. When I was around 14 (keep in mind that this was after having the customary sex-ed twice in school). And this was how that conversation went:
“Duane, can you come in here for a second, I want to talk with you about something.”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it is. I want to talk with you about sex.”
(this is where I literally turned as white as a sheet, and lost all feeling in my feet and hands.)
“Ummm… okay.”
“Duane, do you know anything about sex?”
(here is where I sat silently. wishing I could just pass out already, staring at the floor. don’t look up, whatever you do!)
“Duane, if she is not 18, then it is rape.”
(and that was when my Grandma walked out of the room.)
So that was it. That was the full extent of my sexual discussions with my family. And I bet, to this day, they all think that James and I just tickle each other and laugh as we high five after not having sex. Oh well, at least I learned a valuable lesson that day, right? And people wonder why kids grow up not truly understanding that sex is natural and okay, as long as it is enjoyed safely. Jeez.
It’s rape if their not 18? Holy shit my parents told me it was rape if their not 25… What the hell have I been waiting for all these years, you mean I could have been having sex for the last 7 years, and I didn’t even know it? Just kidding, that is hilarious though, I love that your G’Ma gave you “the talk”!
Oh, and thanks for the candy corn header, I am now realiving my nightmare from 2 nights ago!
Matt, I LOVE candy corn, and I wanted to do something festive for Halloween. Hope it doesn’t make you lose any sleep!!!
If it helps any my parents never said a single word to me about anything. I had not only no clue about sex at all (other than movies and books) but I knew nothing about my own body. I’m pretty sure the only reason I didn’t have sex in high school was because I had no idea what I was doing and all my boyfriends were younger than me (and virgins). So I learned it all on my own…and very clumsily.
Okay, so the new banner/header whatever, has made me hungry!
Luckily I happen to have a bag of pumpkins sitting on my desk. Yep, I caved. This is the second bag in two weeks.
Some parents fear “the sex” talk as if it will get them pregnant again. My parents bought a book - never did they share it with me mind you - and they kept it in the junk drawer used by all. I guess they wanted to talk about it but had rather we find out on our own??
My parents must have fallen off the turnip truck to think that the best thing was to avoid at all cost talking about sex.And I would have just died if the “gay” question had come up. Duane, do you think they had the talk with your sister?? Can’t see grandma having a talk with her - can you??
Wow. This post would be really fucking funny if it weren’t so fucking sad.
I also got nothing from my parents regarding sex. They pretended it didn’t exist, as well. The closest I ever got to any kind of information or opinion from them was when I was 14 (why is that the magic age?) and my mom spotted a hickey that I had so diligently tried to cover. (First boyfriend, you know.) She seemed livid, and said, “Don’t ever let him do that to you again!” And that was the end of it. My sex education.
Fortunately I was smart enough to educate myself. But goddamn!
I got the sex talk around 10 or 11. Mom whipped out her biology / anatomy books from college and it was ON! Fortunately, my parents never pulled the “wait till marriage or you’re going to hell” on me. In fact, they put me on birth control when I was 16 because I was “getting serious” with the boyfriend. Probably saved me an abortion.
My parents never said a word, not a single word. Of course they got married right out of high school when my Mom was 5 months pregnant with me so I guess I didn’t expect a whole lot. One of the most uncomfortable things I have ever done is explain to my Mom the dynamics of gay sex. I seriously thought I was going to blackout when she asked “but who’s the girl?”.
Coincidentally, the cover article for the US News and World Report for this week is about Teens and Sex education… interesting.
Good thing too, since you didn’t get your Free Abortion card until 8 years later.