Dear Britney,
I have seen all over the news about your baby pictures being leaked, and I have also seen your reaction to the whole incident. Now, while I do agree that it was unfortunate that you lost control over what happened to pictures of your child, you must understand a couple of fundamental rules of being who you are; Britney Spears.
First of all, whenever you cross the road barefooted and holding a Jamba Juice, the rest of the world wants to know. In fact, we want pictorial evidence that you did said actions. We love you, and that is why we care. We want to document your every move, because you are a superstar, whether everyone wants to admit that or not; including you. You are celebrity, and it is something that come with the territory.
Second, you shocked the world with your marriage to K-Fed (hi K-fed!), and subsequent pregnancy. You must know how this made us feel. You, pop-icon Britney Spears, our little “hit me baby one more time” girl, was with child. Images of you participating in Lamaze classes, and K-Fed nursing your feet, cos they are all swollen and junk, was not something we expected; but we managed. We were just counting the months until you were back with that tight little waist, and gyrating to Toxic… see, that is what makes us love you! With that being said, this second point, is to identify our need to make sure that you and your child were okay. When you kept him hidden from us for over a month, we got a little worried, and honestly, our curiosity was highly peaked. Now, I know that it is your baby, but come on, we want to see your child!! There is no doubt that he takes after you, and looks super cute; so that is why we were a little anxious. You wouldn’t want Sean to feel “Overprotected”, now would you? Please forgive, okay?
Third, and final; Britney, it sounds less like you were upset that the pictures are out, and more upset that you didn’t get the most bang from your buck. Now, I know that every mother wants their kid to be a star, and a model, etc, but you have got to just let this one be. Sean is too young to be used as a marketing tool, and you should just be proud of your boy, and show him off to the world. That is what mothers do. Now, I don’t mind that you wanted it in a photo spread, which is the route you chose, but don’t get all “Toxic” on us, when the stuff goes public a little while before magazines hit shelves. They are still going to print the pics, and you are still going to get your money; so relax. Is Kevin really spending that much that you would need to worry like this, and threaten to sue (in an effort to get more money, no doubt)?? I just don’t think that you should give this another thought.
With all of that being said, I wish you the best with your new baby. I can’t wait to see what he looks like (as I have not really seen these pics close up). The rest of the world is pretty much sitting right here with me, with baited breath, wanting to see that little baby. We want to make sure mom is doing okay after her body-smashing C-section. We just want to know everything is okay, because we care. Now is no time to go all “Michael Jackson” on us, by turning into a blanket-draping recluse. So don’t let that happen. Be glad that we care so much that we would want the pictures out there. Be glad that you have our undivided attention. And most of all, be glad that your baby is so hot that he is the subject of every news site; very few other mothers are “Lucky” enough to get that kind of world-wide love for their kid. All in all, we love ya Brit, and we want to see the little man that you brought into this world. Now read this to K-Fed, so he can understand too… and read slowly, you know why.
Love you…
Duane
Spin this (Britney style):
Britney Spears - Toxic
Britney Spears - Overprotected (Darkchild Remix)
Britney Spears - Lucky
“Hi K-fed!” Not sure why, but that induced a hearty guffaw!
I think you know how I feel about Mrs. Spears so I won’t go there.
I do however think she is throwing her life and career down the tubes with all of this. Who knows…many people have pulled themselves nicely out of things like this to make a big comeback so she proably will. I think in the end K-Fed is going to be her biggest mistake and will haunt her for many years to come.
Just my 2 cents.
That is a really funny post/letter. I think you nailed it on the head for most of America. Great job.
Everytime I see K-Fed, I think, “Seriously? You seriously married that dude?”
We all do, Jen, we all do…
Good advice for Brittany. I think she will snap right back to where she was. These superstars are amazing with abilities to shape their bodies. That is of course their job and they have all day during the week to work on it unlike us lackeys who have to work all day and try and find time for the gym.
It’s a catch-22 for her. If she put out pictures of her baby, ones that she liked and were more flattering, she would be evicerated in the press for using her child as a marketing tool. Sigh, it must be so hard to be a superstar. But it’s so true, being exposed on everything you do just comes with the territory; it’s part of the deal. But still they’re people like you and me (well not really but on some level if you know what I mean) and they want to protect their child just like anyone else would. But regardless, she really needs to understand what you just posted about and to not get all bent out of shape when the inevitable and very predictable happens.
I like my Britney one way, and one way only, sweaty, sexy, and preferably dancing with a snake. Why did she have to cheat on Justin, they could have been togther forever?!
I did however really like the song and video she made for the song “Someday (I Will Understand)” she looked so cute pregnant in that video, and the song was so sweet. I’m over that now though, I want my slutty Brit back, and I want her now!
I am not a particular fan of Britney. In fact, I have to say, I don’t like her much at all.
So against that backdrop, I offer this: Your “third” point is the one that rings of truth. The others are more background, and not so important. Recall that Britney is the chick who made home videos of herself (and K-Fed) for the purpose of selling them to a network as a “reality show.” She didn’t even wait to have a professional crew to do it! She did it herself, because she basically whores herself out that way.
To my mind, the only reason she’s upset about any baby pictures leaking out prematurely is because that means she can’t command big dollars selling them later.
(Sorry if this sounds totally mean… but you know I speak the truth.)
Hrmm. Not sure what to say. On one hand, I don’t want to offend Duane for his love of Miss Brit (we all have our celeb loves). On hand two, she sorta makes my skin crawl (at times). Where’s her baby?
You guys should never worry about offending me by not liking something that I like… it isn’t going to diminish the amount that I like something… BUT! I do appreciate the concern… that is sweet!
As for this thing with Brit, I just wrote this cos I thought she was being a bit ridiculous, and wanted to do it in a funny way. Hope you all enjoy!